what an insightful dream about abuse

[sw]

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[jenz]

we listen. <p></p><i></i>

[sw]

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[jenz]

a breaking free dream, walking away, telling them off, chucking away the bands. good stuff. <p></p><i></i>

[Jen]

Your dream sounds cathartic and enlightening, sw. <br><br>Just out of dumb curiosity, (forgive the forward nature of this question) have you ever had or considered having a past life reading done? I had one recently and it was incredibly helpful. It might not assist you with your recovery in this life cycle, but it also might. If it's compatible with whatever therapies you are pursuing at this time, and whatever spiritual beliefs you hold, of course. <p></p><i></i>

[marykmusic]

...readings, if you're interested. Especially online. --MaryK <p></p><i></i>

[sw]

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[marykmusic]

Got it. Already replied. --MaryK <p></p><i></i>

[banned]

...is enjoying themselves and I'm in some way left out--once it was actually that they made me sleep in a little outdoor entryway, I couldn't even have a room in the house. Other times, it's food--everyone is feasting but it's all gone by the time it's my turn. All these dreams are about being the one who never gets what they need, who is treated cruelly and sadistically. I know that pain the stomach, too, the emotional pain of having been neglected, abused, not loved as children are supposed to be loved.<br><br>I also know what you mean about identification with the aggressor, I've had rape dreams since puberty--as the male rapist, not the victim.<br><br>Perhaps more therapists are more knowledgeable now, but nearly 25 years ago when I asked my therapist about a dream I had in which I as myself--a 20ish female--put my finger in a little girl's vagina. I was horrified. Instead of it making her suspect maybe that's what was done to ME at that age, she came up with some glib Freudian/symbolic explanation. I knew then her explanation didn't ring true but it wasn't till several years later that I began to realize that the little girl WAS me.<br><br>I wouldn't worry so much about your past life until you've figured out what happened in this one. Right now you're pulling enough stuff out of your unconscious/subconscious. What you need is balance in the present with lots of strong supportive people, so that when you go down into the abyss there's someone reliable at the top holding the rope. <p></p><i></i>

[sw]

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[banned]

Or soul stealing, or soul murder. I've heard various terms, but it means the same thing.<br><br>A child does not have a fully formed personality with a lot of sophisticated defenses, so they are vulnerable psychologically. They also do not have well developed 'spiritual armor' (nor for that matter do most adults these days since they don't know they need it.) Abusers are thoroughly EVIL and their 'penetration' of their victim is also a penetration of the soul.<br><br>So yes, the abuser becomes a sort of possessory entity. The shrinks call it identification with the aggressor, but on a spiritual level, I call it a form of possession.<br><br>Of course, many abuse victims then go on to actually become abusers themselves. These are often the males. You and I don't actually have penises, we can't go out and rape. And we have enough of ourselves left, psychologically and spiritually, to feel horror when we are inappropriately aroused, so that we would never actually act abusively toward a child. Not everyone has that much control. I had a friend who was raped when she was 7 by a neighbor, who was also raping his 9 year old son and encouraged the son to rape her--really a nasty piece of work, Mr. Neighbor was. Now, this friend was an addictive personality, drank and did a lot of drugs (which leave people vulnerable to evil--that's why booze is called SPIRITS). At age 16, she jerked off and performed a blow job on a little boy she was babysitting who was about the same age as the neighbor's son.<br><br>It's true at that point she had blocked out the Mr. Neighbor experience totally. But a 16 year old girl knows you don't diddle a little boy.<br><br>You can't help it that your being was colonized by an abuser, and you are doing everything you can to heal yourself. Don't feel inappropriate guilt for feelings that are not yours. As long as you don't act on them to pass on the chain of abuse, you have nothing to feel guilty about. <p></p><i></i>

[banned]

...of abuse victims becoming abusers is that because of the "possessory" aspects of the abuser invading the child, the child CAN grow up unable to become aroused except by being an abuser. Now, other victims find arousal by being re-victimized--so they end up in an endless cycle of victimization. But others can only get off if they DO to someone what was done to them. This is so indelibly programmed it FEELS like hard-wiring, and in any case, trying to change it in adults has not had much success. If the only thing that gets you off is raping a pre-teen girl, missionary position sex with that nice woman your own age from the office won't do it. (Many abusers marry those women, of course, to get to their daughters.)<br><br>I've spend many years trying to correct my own 'arousal pattern' and you know what? After nearly 20 years, I haven't been able to do it. Doesn't matter what kind of sex I'm having, in order to actually COME I have to switch into some kind of fantasy in which I am in an abuser's stead. <br><br>I am extremely thankful I'm female, and not a male who might have become a predator in real life, not just for a few seconds in my mind. <p></p><i></i>

[sw]

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[banned]

...hold those memories, I think the entirety of the physical being of a person does. When they die their organs are simply...meat.<br><br>On the other hand, I have read some seriously weird stuff about people who have gotten other peoples' hearts. It can't be an accident that we speak of the heart, which actually as an ORGAN just pumps blood, as the seat of our positive emotions. Someone who has no positive emotions due to possession--I wouldn't want their heart, personally. Maybe a kidney or liver.<br><br>But that's for entities that are thoroughly possessed. I also don't believe that entities can stay inside you unless you let them. But what makes it hard for RA survivors is that the cults program them to have alters that WELCOME the evil entities. My friend who is working diligently with 99% of her being to heal from RA still has several "cult alters" (one being the 'self destruct' alter, another a seductive female) who remain open to the evil influences. I asked her once about trying to find a priest who would exorcise these entities and she...or maybe the involved alters...was resistant. <p></p><i></i>

[marykmusic]

I can SEE a possessing entity in a person's eyes. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it CAN happen when a person is drunk, stoned, in a joking mood, and simply says (without really meaning it) something about allowing it to happen.<br><br>Bars are classic places where entities are known to hang around, waiting for such an oportunity.<br><br>Hallucinogens (not only mushrooms and LSD but also Ecstasy) can set a person up for possession.<br><br>These are not the same (usually) as Alters, splintered personalities.<br><br>And for anyone who has an inkling about the nature of Time, that linear time is an artificial construct, our "past incarnations" are actually happening NOW, as is the future. Some alters, I believe, are bits of other lives, interconnected soul fragments, that are somehow anchored into our awareness. --MaryK <p></p><i></i>