I'd like some feedback on something I've written.

[Jerky]

Is there anything blatantly wrong about any of the following?<br><br>For encouraging irrationality and scientific illiteracy, lending credence to ridiculous and foundationless superstitions, marginalizing potentially important issues, and enabling the kind of delusional, narcissistic “magical thinking” that has lead to such culturally humiliating milestones as the angelic fad, the Y2K panic and the Heaven’s Gate mass suicide, temperamental and oleaginous late-night radio ringmaster Art Bell is well deserving of a spot on our list. Soon after the launch of his syndicated, paranormal-focused Coast-to-Coast AM -- currently hosted by the slightly less objectionable George Noory -- Bell rocketed to the talk radio equivalent of triple-platinum superstardom. Six nights a week, an estimated thirteen million listeners would tune in to hear Bell and his guests discuss the latest rumblings about chemtrails, Chupacabra, Area 51, alien infiltration, the face on Mars, Planet X, haunted outhouses and whether or not Bigfoot was having sex with Mothman’s ghost in a crop circle while sinister extra-dimensional Greys watched from outer space, furiously masturbating over the desiccated remains of a mutilated cow. Bell usually fends off critics by describing his show as “pure entertainment”, providing listeners with the kind of vicarious thrills they might get from a roller coaster, or a scary movie. Considering the way he profited from the Y2K panic (which he helped to inflame) by shilling water purification tablets, first aid kits, battery-powered lamps, crank radios, imperishable MREs and whatever the hell else his advertisers could come up with, this seems like an especially weak line of defense. Furthermore, there isn’t even a hint of tongue-in-cheek about The Quickening, Bell’s best-selling book about how everything is turning to shit, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it, except maybe head for the hills and invest in gold or something. In The Quickening, Bell’s pig-ignorant ruminations, ahistorical arrogance and quasi-fascistic prescriptions mark him as a deadly serious reactionary curmudgeon; the kind of person who could really do some damage if he ever got within grabbing range of the levers of power. His zigzagging back-and-forth between military and private communications gigs during the early part of his career has also imbued him with the distinct odor of a professional disinformation spreader. This makes a paranoid kind of sense when you think about it. After all, Bell is an unapologetic cheerleader for the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T., and while he’s been instrumental in popularizing the idea of a government conspiracy to hide dead aliens and crashed UFOs (from which top Pentagon scientists are reverse-engineering all kinds of groovy technological do-dads), he gets his back up whenever someone dares suggest the possibility of high-level, terrorist-related malfeasance by the current administration. The next time you tune in to his show, listen closely. That snapping sound you hear is probably the yank of a very long leash. <p></p><i></i>

[ZeroHaven]

Um, depends if you want critique on content or presentation.<br>I had a hard time understanding what you're trying to say because the sentences are so long that it makes my head spin and then I get all confused and try to go back to the beginning of the sentence, can't find it and get further dismayed that I can't figure out what the original statement in the sentence was supposed to be.<br>Yeah, I'm not sure what the subject is. <p><!--EZCODE IMAGE START--><img src="http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a239/ZeroHaven/tinhat.gif"/><!--EZCODE IMAGE END--></p><i></i>

[Ferry Fey]

No more than 3-5 sentences in a paragraph, unless truly necessary. Each paragraph handles one idea, ideally transitioning from one paragraph to the next.<br><br>Work on it first on that level, and then maybe people will be able to critique content.<br><br> <p></p><i></i>

[Peachtree Pam]

Hi Jerky,<br><br>Don't know too much about Art Bell, but here is the wikipedia link - don't know how valid IT is either!<br><br><!--EZCODE AUTOLINK START--><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Bell">en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Bell</a><!--EZCODE AUTOLINK END--> <p></p><i></i>

[Peachtree Pam]

<br>-<br>Did you notice that both parents were in the Marines, his mother a Marine drill instructor - well, I don't know about you, but I'd hate for my mother to be a Marine drill instructor.... <p></p><i></i>

[AnnaLivia]

Yes, the eyes want some white space, just for ease of reading. I think it’s excellent as is, and you could just make maybe 3 or 4 breaks where appropriate, no re-write needed. But, that’s for a reader like me. I had no trouble at all with the long sentences, really enjoyed your skill at keeping the comprehension throughout, and think you’ve actually made your point very succinctly…given the subject matter. But then, I read Finnegans Wake daily for relaxation and enjoyment…a book that is pure torture for a lot of people (who don’t know how to dig out its amazing treasure).<br><br>If your intended audience is the Art Bell listeners, however, you ARE going to have to seriously “dumb it down”, shorten the sentences, and define a word like oleaginous for them, fer sure. My Mom is an Art Bell (and television) devotee, has a shrunken vocabulary, thinks I am a loony conspiracy theorist, says everything I write goes right over her head, and hasn’t cracked a book in decades. These “folks” are not the brightest lightbulbs in the sharp-tool drawer (grin grin).<br><br>Good luck. <br> <p></p><i></i>

[robertdreed]

I think that overall, it's a good piece of writing. Perhaps a little over-the-top in imagery. but that's a conclusion I came to, I no longer think good journalism equates to topping the hyperbole of some of my influences. That's about me only criticism, except that it needs some expansion. Adding some interviews would help, and maybe even make it "saleable". So 50 hours of effort, you can maybe sell for $1000...okay, more like $300. And all you have to do is get another like that ready, next week. I think half of the work is in solicitation...that's freelancing. <br><br>Looking for a good multibillionaire in the house, giving away money to independents...let a million flowers bloom- or, say, 20,000...consider the quantity of the amount of product, like Jeff, putting out a newsletter's worth of material every week...that's what serious blogging is. And good writing is more important that having an agreeable viewpoint. So drop ideological litmus tests for acceptability, and it will be so much easier...excepting obvious cases. They're obviously sufficiently funded, anyway. <br><br>Whatever the ideological viewpoint or absence of one, how many serious bloggers are there in the field of news and public affairs, anyway? I think count fewer than 20, but I'm undoubtedly off the mark, perhaps by thousands. Anyway, I'm guessing that even at $50,000 per year, funding consistent, well-written output by ( hitherto ) "amateurs" would be cheap project for a single philanthropist. See, I'd give money to Justin Raimondo, and Jared Israel. Al Giordano, and Lew Rockwell. And to Jeff, whether he is or isn't the Art Bell of the Internet ;^) (JW, sooner or later someone was going to tag you with that, might as well be now...)<br><br>Not to Orlin, though. He has plenty already. He hasn't provided much verbiage lately, anyway. <br><br>Hmm, maybe Orlin has some dough.<br><br>Come on, get out that walllet.<br><br>Enough jumping through hoops for grant money...<br><br><br>An Anarchist Experiment, in Chaos...<br><br>What, no takers? <br><br>Well, can I interest you in a 50,000 watt AM radio outlet in Canada that can beam all the way to Tijuana, for a fraction of the price? How about two- one music, and one news? You buy it, and the contributors in the audience staff, program, and pay for the upkeep...independents. <br><br>Ever notice how the Right Wing kicks down for their minons?<br><br>Still no takers? <p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p097.ezboard.com/brigorousintuition.showUserPublicProfile?gid=robertdreed>robertdreed</A> at: 7/31/05 10:09 pm<br></i>

[Dreams End]

you folks should probably check out Jerky's site in order to get some context on this. The site is satire...in your face...and often plain disgusting. This article is consistent with that style.<br><br>Oh, I see it is already up. <br><br><!--EZCODE AUTOLINK START--><a href="http://www.dirtfiles.com/">www.dirtfiles.com/</a><!--EZCODE AUTOLINK END--><br><br>Nevermind.<br><br>Have a look but if you have delicate sensibilities...be prepared to be offended. I enjoy the site a lot.<br><br> <p></p><i></i>

[George Soros]

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><em>Well, can I interest you in a 50,000 watt AM radio outlet in Canada that can beam all the way to Tijuana, for a fraction of the price? How about two- one music, and one news? You buy it, and the contributors in the audience staff, program, and pay for the upkeep...independents.</em><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br><br>Robert, my man. <br><br>How much do you want for that station and could you make it FM (I hate the goddamn quality of AM)<br><br><br>Yours,<br><br>George <p></p><i></i>

[robertdreed]

George, enough watts and you can overcome that nasty "sunset" problem, on AM. A good strong AM signal actually sounds terrific, even if it doesn't measure as high in terms of signal-to-noise. (I could go on for days about psychoacoustics...and the noise floor, in most automobiles. I like to drive with the window open on surface streets, it's safer.)<br><br>In fact, AM isn't nearly as inherently prone to problems as line-of-sight transmissions, like FM. Particularly if you live in hilly or mountainous terrain, AM is the way to go. FM is hopeless, it cuts out at every bend in the road...and in between...<br><br>At best, FM range is 80-150 miles. By contrast, with enough watts you can cover Canada to Mexico with an AM signal. That's how Wolfman Jack became a legend, his show came out of Tijuana, and went all the way up the US west coast to Canada. <br><br>You can even have AM Stereo. The top end is a little sheared off, sloping at 6k...but the midrange is punchier. As if you'll miss that sheen on the cymbals, it's often all crackled up by MPX problems in FM, anyway. And the OEMs often don't include "mono" buttons any more, which at least helps some, although not with the line of sight problems. <br><br>So go massive. 150,000 watts of AM truth to...lies. Not "power", lies. Serious lies. Felony shit. <br><br>Is this really George Soros? <p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p097.ezboard.com/brigorousintuition.showUserPublicProfile?gid=robertdreed>robertdreed</A> at: 7/31/05 4:27 pm<br></i>

[Jerky]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I posted this in the wee hours this morning, and put it up in the afternoon after only reading the first two critiques. The fact that it's a single paragraph is kind of consistent with my project of doing an alternate list of the 100 People who are REALLY Screwing America, my response to Bernie Goldberg's new (and ridiculously partisan conservative) book. As for the sentences being too long... well, that's my style. Not always, but in the context of this project, I'm going for long, definitive statements. I did end up changing it a bit. Thanks to everyone for your feedback. <p></p><i></i>

[Ferry Fey]

It's not that your sentences are long, it's just that a big block of type like that is really hard to focus on. Kind of like a boa constrictor trying to digest a refrigerator. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/happy.gif ALT=":D"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br><br>I can't stand late-night talk radio, and can't get it where I live. I sometimes hang out online with a bunch of people who always listened to Art Bell, and most of them have kept up with the Noory version as well. They are all interesting, bright, articulate and have great social skills. <br><br>They don't always agree with the guests C2C has had on, or the politics of the hosts. But they have found over the years that the guests the show has had on have sparked a lot of questioning and good discussions and quests for more information. They've transcended the all too obvious limitations of those guests, and used them as a stepping stone to further their own knowledge.<br><br>You have to factor this sort of value into the shows as well.<br><br><br><br><br><br> <p></p><i></i>