by havanagilla » Sun Aug 13, 2006 1:43 am
lilp, thanks for the care, but I didn't yet resort to that excuse, perhaps I should start doing it. and on more serious notes, no, i don't recall having done things in my life which I was not aware of, although sometimes I was unable to control, or be aware of the reasons for doing it, which made me very frustrated during and after, when faced with the consequences. if you read back my posts, you will see the discussions on "alters" and "missing time" when I have stated my experience, which differs from others', BUT, I do believe, totally, those who have alters and such splits of personalities with full life of their own, outside the awareness of the main personality (I hope I put it right). <br>--<br>Actions that I did under duress were done with a rationalization that I provided to myself, but in fact were produced by external coercion, which I believe is mostly hypnosis/drugs induced, and other more "simple" manipulations, mainly fear/false pretense. No, i don't think this has changed at this late point of my life, but I do think that I was (am) very frightened of 1. the war as in rockets going to fall here, which was "promised" several times over the news as coming soon. 2/ terrorist bombings when I take the bus or go on errands. 3/ at the same time, and not least, that under the confusion and state of war, those who want me silenced, will have more opportunities to get their ways, in more than one method I can come up with in my imagination. <br>This is added to my already agitated state of mind due to recent digging into dark, neglected recesses of my memories, which brings up "dissociated bad moods" namely, once I dig up a piece of memory (mainly early childhood up to late adolecent), a few days later, the accompanying emotion poppes up and since it is already loose, it attaches to something unrelated which is then overblown dramatically. (say, a conflict with some bureaucrat, argument with a friend, etc.). This is a source of trouble, because usually those who get the full package of rage, sadness or whatever emotion which is being released from decades ago, are innocent and in more than one time, it was impossible to mend the rifts, usually because I will not go around saying I just remembered being mollested at 5 years old, or being abused severely by my family, boyfriend etc, at 20 years old. as for those earlier times, I don't know if this is called alter, I don't think so, but certainly I dissociated from bad events, and repressed the memories totally, unlike later events, which I remember clearly and lucidly, but only very late at life, realized WHY I did weird and destructive things, and even went to the trouble of making up very creative rationalizations for them. (which in itself is very sad). <br>--<br>I am impressed with the level of togetherness that you, PW and others here are manifesting, but I also think this is a culture based "insulation" of the private from the public, which I have witnessed in your country, and I am not sure I want to adopt it, maybe some, ok ? namely, people shut in when they are not "presentable" in order to appear good in public, whatever it takes, and so, you get a lot of abuse going on, under the rug, and I hate to say it but MC can flourish (with others social maladies) under that division, and I think this is one of the "gifts" your culture, which colonized ours has given to the world. the rate of alcoholism and drug abuse is therefor skyrocketing, because people just need a relief from the facade they keep all day, so that nobody gets "hurt feelings" in public, and they will be pinpointed as "the source". I find it awful and sad. and in fact, a precondition for many problems we are discussing here is that kind of "community" style, which, with all due, I am not a fan of. if that makes me the paraiah, and a part of the bad guys in the war of civilizations, well, so be it. I have stated numerous times, my observations as to which cultures i find less barbaric and the local one fits me fine, except now it had almost been taken over by the plastic show of americanism and alienation. <br>--<br>To come back to the point, I can't see how problems are tackled if all people mind is the appearance of the screaming, and not the content. People who have been very together and polite and MANIPULATIVE on this board, have said things that cannot be acceptable about races, creeds, religions, what not, and this is tolerated, in your culture codes, because they said it politely. <br>--<br>My snapping at DE's advice/suggestion was a response to a "condomized" reaction, he had knee jerk manner, to a real human, flesh and blood situation "send those other people with "expertise" to take care of the commotion as long as I don't have to hear the ugly screaming of the suffering". it ticked me off, for personal AND cultural reasons.<br>Personally, since I met many perps and sadists in my life, I already know that the worst people, EVER are very polite and together and very savvy socially. and usually those who are more expressive, rude even, are barking, and that's it. This is a savvy board, don't people KNOW how bad people look and behave ? it is easy to resort to crocodile tears, or as you are saying you are concerned that nobody left the board as a result of what ? did i leave the board cause of all the generalizations on jews, israelis, mc victims ? perhaps I should have not glossed over more substantive infringement on dignity.<br>Anyway, to answer your question, no and thanks for asking, though. <br><br>Just to add, that in some other discussion I was raising the possibility for debate, whether MC manifestations are related to culture, like "alters" being discussed only in American boards, but not heard of in Israel so commonly, or at all, in that same way. Another was the issue of handlers being overtly in the picture, as you are stating that you have someone you call "handler" you know who it is, and go along with that. This is not how it happens in Israel, and I think part of it is cultural, in the sense that people will keep in the shaddows, if they pop up to public eyes, they will not be able to continue the abuse (well as long as the remains for what used to be communal life, is kept here). While living in an arab neighborhood for the last 2 years, I saw that it is harder to perp here, because the arab community is less alienated, and so if a covert attempt is done to harm someone, the neighborhood KNOWS and will alert. However, in a common, westernaized, certainly in America, people get killed and nobody will come, as DE did, they will AT MOST< send some "authorities", but not even that, cause they will be afraid of that too. Not to mention anyone going over the house where the screaming is coming from...I have seen people dying in the streets of Berkeley, DAILY, on the main street, what is called "homeless" and people just hopping over the bodies not looking at them, in fact not looking at entire parts of the scene, are they not ill ? are they not already all of them in a state ready for MC ? I am saying that not with disgrace, but with concern, cause this is now part of the "civilization" we are asked to accept here. It starts with the little things, such as this board's etiquette.<br><br> <p></p><i></i>
