I am a scammer. I almost took people for 20 bucks a head last night to park near a park where the good ol' fireworks go off in an office building's parking lot that is next to my building. For about 2 hours, before and after the fireworks, this area gets crazy -- everybody looking for a spot. So, last summer I had this idea to just hold out a sign that says "Parking $20", but I thought better of it. This year, I decided to take the plunge. I made two huge signs. I stood out in the street with my beer (Coors Light naturally) and began waving cars going down the street in.
So the first dude and his lady pull up and said "Twenty bucks to park here?" I said "Yep". He hands me twenty and I put it in my pocket.
I immediately felt awful. Beyond awful. I literally felt like I was going to puke.
I walk away as the dude is parking. And suddenly! I said "Fuck this. I can't do it."
So as they're getting out their car I reapproach them and say "Here, have your 20 back. My boss wanted me to make a little money for the building. But it's the fourth of July and I don't want to take your money."
The guy was confused, naturally. He was like, "Well can I tip you?" I said no. I wanted to confess that I was scamming him. But I didn't confess. But see, it's a tow away zone on private property that isn't mine in the least. So I'm all like, now I gotta watch this guy's car to see to it that it doesn't get towed! Ugh. It was so awful.
So, I rip the signs down, muttering that "how could I have ever felt good about doing this EASY scam that would have put $200 in my pocket". And go back to sitting with my GF on the stoop and drinking beer.
Well, no sooner had I ripped those signs down, this car rolls up and parks nonchalantly in one of the spots that I was scamarifically selling -- or was going to sell to "dumb-asses" not from around here and wouldn't know any better. Guy gets out with his kid to go see the fireworks down the street. See, I'm still worried about this guy who I'd scammed, but had already given his money back to and about his car getting towed now. So I ask the guy if he worked in the office. He said yes. He's some kind of a honcho for I presume a chiropractors office that is in this building.
So I said, hey my cousin just drove up and I told it was probably cool to park in that spot. He said, eh. That's fine, no problem, nobody's gonna bitch about it.
Case closed. Lesson learned and goddamn did I feel like puking for about 45 minutes after that. Scamming others is not the way to go. At least I know my karma and my conscience is in good order. I would have been busted forthwith had my conscience and better sense not intervened.
The Universe works in mysterious ways!
