Welcome to... The Saloon

[Hammer of Los]

...

Happy worldhumanism day, you..you... humans!

Hey!

Who you calling human?

Isn't it clear that I'm half-elven?

...

[Project Willow]

We need another word for humanism, something without human in it.

[Joe Hillshoist]

I'll have a rum, ahab can have a double of whatever he wants.

Then another one.

Double measures are nothing more than my birthright.

But thanks anyway.

A barrel of rum for Joe and the merry crew of that bare sloop they call the Hillhoist if you would barmaid - place it on my tab as arranged, and procure fresh straw for those who may weaken in drink and wish to retire.

I used to sit on the banks of the Yarra River drinking Red Coopers (sparkling ale) and listening to that record, so have a double (2 schooners) of this:

[Project Willow]

[Alf]

When Schopenhauer needed to scold his dogs (poodles) he called them humans.

source

[MacCruiskeen]

We need another word for humanism, something without human in it.

Maybe Taoism. Or animism.

[Project Willow]

I'll have an order of Tao and animism, please.

Just keep 'em coming.

[Project Willow]

Alone again, naturally.

Eh, maybe I'll redecorate.

[MacCruiskeen]

On my bad days, I'm a nihilist. On my good days, I'm an animist.

Jaysus, what's happened to the joint next door? I remember when it used to be hip. Tonight it's totally dead, apart from a few diehards itching for a fight. The floor is littered with, like, gauntlets and stuff.

It's much nicer in here. Warm, for a start. [*shivers*] A double Laphroaig with no ice, please.

[Looks melancholy. Hums "Gimme Shelter" under his breath. Torrential rain batters the window panes.]

[MacCruiskeen]

I preferred The Saloon before it became The Naked Firemen's Club. (Eccentric, I know. But it's important for minorities to find their voice.)

[Project Willow]

On my bad days, I'm a nihilist. On my good days, I'm an animist.

Jaysus, what's happened to the joint next door? I remember when it used to be hip. Tonight it's totally dead, apart from a few diehards itching for a fight. The floor is littered with, like, gauntlets and stuff.

It's much nicer in here. Warm, for a start. [*shivers*] A double Laphroaig with no ice, please.

[Looks melancholy. Hums "Gimme Shelter" under his breath. Torrential rain batters the window panes.]

Hullo Mac!

How are you?

Is there an -ism for a degree of misanthropy approaching infinity? That's what I am.

I preferred The Saloon before it became The Naked Firemen's Club. (Eccentric, I know. But it's important for minorities to find their voice.)

You don't like the buns of glory, the buns of steel?

Well, we do have a couple of girlie pin-ups around here, ah yes, a naked cocktail waitress that barracuda brought in, and a print of The Fisherman's Wife left behind by LBO.

[barracuda]

...a few diehards itching for a fight.

Just trying to get in a light workout.



I'll have a dry vodka martini, up, garnished with a cube of swiss cheese on a plastic dagger.

[MacCruiskeen]

Ah, a dish of complimentary walnuts. Lovely. [Cracks one effortlessly between his pert buttocks.] Another Laphroaig, please. And a large mineral water.

I know you just put them out to make people drink more.

[AhabsOtherLeg]

I used to sit on the banks of the Yarra River drinking Red Coopers (sparkling ale) and listening to that record

Not fair. Your life is better than mine.

Ah wait, no it's not. I get that stuff cheaper.

Thanks everybody for buying Laphroaig, btw, to all who do buy it. Scotch whisky sales in 2011 increased by 22%, adding 4.8 billion pounds to Scotland's Gross Value Added figures, thus helping me to argue the economic case for independence in a strange roundabout way. Cheers. It is appreciated! Get it doon yur neck, as they say here. It's fine stuff.

If there are any other numerical statistics about a relatively obscure and unimportant country's economy that you are unsure of, just ask! That's what pubs are all about. Fun fun fun!

Drinks all round for everybody, btw, because drinks are a necessary part of a social democratic society and should be shared in a fair and equitable way amongst the populace.

[Project Willow]

B., sweetheart, darling, love of my middle age, please watch what metaphors you bring in here, I could lose my license!

......................

OK, Mac, but did you see the sign? No shirt, No shoes, No butt-cracking walnuts.
(Poster pin-up or it didn't happen).

......................

Value Added figures, thus helping me to argue the economic case for independence in a strange roundabout way. Cheers. It is appreciated! Get it doon yur neck, as they say here. It's fine stuff.

Hooray!

Drinks all round for everybody, btw, because drinks are a necessary part of a social democratic society and should be shared in a fair and equitable way amongst the populace.

I always tell people, don't leave none in the glass, somewhere out there is a dead-broke, trembling, alcoholist that wishes he were you.