It's fun to start the day out with a giggle. Found this by way of Talkingpointsmemo:
(See link for the top 40--these are just the last ten.)
http://buffalobeast.com/113/50_most_loathsome_2006.htm
The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2006
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50. Ryan Seacrest
Charges: The white man's Casey Kasem. Catchphrase, "Seacrest out," was so despised he was forced to drop it. "Dishes" stories. Approaching hosting ubiquity; may soon be on all television channels. An experimental super-soldier of the vanillification agenda, Seacrest emcees a weekly assault on good taste called "American Idol," poisoning the minds of our children in a preemptive strike against decent music of the future. Ended the year being out-charisma’d by a stroke victim on "Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2007."
Exhibit A: "I am looking forward to being part of the E! team. This unique opportunity allows my company to take the next step in providing multimedia content."
Sentence: Head permanently lodged in Brad Pitt’s ass.
49. Rich Lowry
Charges: At 38, National Review Editor and Hannity stand-in Rich Lowry still looks like he’s wearing a retainer and has a trapper-keeper stuffed with Red Sonja comic books. The tragic irony of Michael J. Fox’s life is that his breakout role as Alex P. Keaton inspired a million resentful Reagan-blowing nerds like Lowry to recast themselves as "rebels" against gathering threats like universal health care—and stem cell research. If a goddamn toothpaste company told lies like Lowry they’d be prosecuted. Founding member of the "it’s all Clinton’s fault" school of Bush apologists.
Exhibit A: As funny as cervical cancer, Lowry’s dusty old bag of shopworn Clinton/Kennedy jokes should be locked in a safe and thrown in the ocean to protect humanity.
Sentence: Locked in the same safe.
48. Gerald Ford
Charges: Precedent-setting cowardice; admitted to pardoning Nixon because they were friends. Enabled the sense of executive impunity that pervades the White House today. A bumbling doofus who inadvertently helped launch the diseased career of Chevy Chase. Strongly criticized the current administration on Iraq in a 2004 taped interview with Bob Woodward on the typically spineless stipulation it wouldn’t be released until after his death. Has become a burlesque reminder of American fealty and inability to speak truth to power while it might have an actual impact. Posthumous media flip-flop on the pardon highlights how sad and weak the press has become.
Exhibit A: Praised by Dick Cheney at funeral.
Sentence: Refused a pardon by Saint Peter.
47. Michael Musto
Charges: A friendly bacteria in America’s bloated entertainment entrails, giving vicarious life to that big brown celebrity baby we all waste countless hours coddling. Melon the size of an Olmec statue, yet not clever enough to elicit more than groans with his overwrought, nervous delivery of painfully unfunny puns. Motivated by transparent jealousy. Adds nothing in the way of meaningful criticism or analysis. Only serves to further propagate dysfunctional celebrity worship in our strangely hollow culture. Fond of wearing Cosby sweaters, which should only be worn by Cosby. Worst thing that’s ever happened to Keith Olbermann.
Exhibit A: In the subtitle to his latest book, Musto declares himself "The world’s most outrageous columnist." Appears to think "outrageous" means "gay."
Sentence: Unbearable testicle cramps every time he thinks the word "TomKat."
46. James Carville
Charges: This unholy cross between Batboy and Terry Bradshaw has been vastly overrated as a political strategist based on the fact that he managed to win with the most charismatic Democratic candidate of the post-war era and a split conservative vote. In ‘06, Carville raged against his own obsolescence by blasting Howard Dean’s competence as Chairman of the DNC—immediately after Dean steered the party into majorities in both houses of congress as well as state legislatures and governors.
Exhibit A: Carville’s marriage to Republican uber-hag strategist Mary Matalin is the perfect symbol of the cynical two-party symbiosis, an open conspiracy which has robbed Americans of true democracy for decades. If he really gave a shit about politics, he would have strangled her years ago.
Sentence: Slow death by Polonium 210, administered by his wife.
45. Bob Woodward
Charges: The kind of jerk that’d steer a tour bus off a cliff, then charge every passenger 20 bucks to hear him scream, "We’re all going to die!" An unabashed chicken driven by deference to money and power; Woodward sits on stories of critical importance until they hatch into best-selling books. A mouthpiece of the status quo who sucks any way the wind blows. Practically choked on the biggest member of the administration in 2002’s hagiographic Bush at War, but when Bush’s poll numbers went irrevocably flaccid, he saw fit to drop the "classic Woodward bombshells" in State of Denial, although a number of the "bombshells" would have been more useful in 2004. A guy with such access to power that he’s become power.
Exhibit A: Says "rah-por-ting," like an autistic robot.
Sentence: Sent back in time to 1971 for what he thinks is a casual chat with Richard Nixon; ambushed and severely beaten by Woodward & Bernstein.
44. Ben Gibbard
Charges: A dickless dweeb who makes nerf-pop for disaffected zombies. Gibbard’s bafflingly popular band, with the nauseous name of Death Cab for Cutie, specializes in flat, too-self-conscious-to-rock odes to numbness. Every album duller than the last, Gibbard saps the will of his unsuspecting teenaged (we can only hope) fans with dose after identical dose of sonic saltpeter in sexless, lethargic songs that perpetually seem like they’re about to get interesting until you realize that they’re over, sung in a voice that appears to be coming out of a mile-long nostril and played by musicians who sound like they’re checking their e-mail. Complicit in spreading the poisonous notion that hopelessness is cool.
Exhibit A: Gibbard is somehow poised for massive success without even trying.
Sentence: Roadie/guitar tech on Glass Tiger reunion tour.
43. Bill Gates
Charges: Became the richest man in the world through intellectual thievery, stealing Windows and every other software package he ever made a billion on. Microsoft’s internal slogan with regard to competitors is "embrace, extend, and exterminate." As founder and co-chair of The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, he’s fighting global poverty and disease by investing in corporations that are the source of global poverty and disease. According to the L.A. Times, The BMGF has over $9 billion invested in companies whose activities contradict the foundation’s stated mission.
Exhibit A: So cheap he downloads pirated movies and still won’t pay for a decent haircut.
Sentence: Spanked in the Mall of America food court by Steve Jobs and the guys from Netscape.
42. Joe Lieberman
Charges: For a brief, shining moment in ‘06, it looked like the nation might finally be rid of this sniveling sitzpinkler, but Joe Lieberman just keeps coming back, like herpes. Now Lieberman is an unknown quantity and subsequently the most powerful vote in the Senate. Routinely scolds Democrats for "undermining" the president, whose balls have resided in Lieberman’s mouth since 9/11.
Exhibit A: "Our troops believe they can win, and that’s important."
Sentence: Malfunctioning Connecticut-manufactured artillery shells coat Lieberman with white phosphorus at next Iraq photo op.
41. Ralph Reed
Charges: There’s a lot of good reasons to hate conservative Christians, but if we had to pick one it would be their willingness to support the most obvious charlatans that ever walked the earth—guys like Robert Tilton, Benny Hinn and Ralph Reed. Disingenuine from the start, Reed was busted for plagiarizing a Commentary article in a piece he wrote for his student newspaper titled—this is true—"Ghandi: Ninny of the 20th Century."
Exhibit A: "I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don’t know it’s over until you’re in a body bag."
Sentence: Vengeful Indian casino developers slip Reed an envelope of small pox infested money
