1) My first real embarrassment happened at school it was my ninth birthday. Mum did not do the washing and I had no underwear, Mum told me to wear my sister’s knickers. The usual thing to have done to you on your birthday is the bumps; everyone grabs your arms and legs you get lifted in the air for each birthday year. On the eighth bump, my trousers split revealing pink and white spotted panties. It scarred me for life.
2) At 13 I moved from a small remote country village to London and went to school in a predominantly West Indian and Indian community, I was one of two white kids in my class. On my first day I sat at a seat and a black kid told me to move. I told him to get lost "sambo" (derogatory word about black people favored by the latest comedy programme in the 70's) this was the biggest mistake of my formative years. I got battered and abused every lunchtime for 3 months.
3) At 13 and 3 months I attempted multiple suicides in a call for help. None came. I shaved my head, put on 21 whole doctor marten steel toe cap boots, and hung around with skinheads, football hooligans and elements of the national front. 3 months later the school beatings stopped. I became a predator.
4) At 18 I spent two days in a coma, lost some eyesight, fractured my skull in 7 places, had a character building scar on my left eye (the ladies love it) and stitches all over my body. I had stepped into a fight in a pub attempting to save an old man from a beating. I also fell in love the week I got out of hospital.
5) She had an epiphany; I thought her weird, discovered booze and drugs went on a long, long, long bender. Got my first dose of clap, dealed a bit, spent two days in prison in Cyprus. Got involved in a Kuwait dollar scam while intoxicated on coke, fortunately paranoia helped and I lost the deal while stoned on skunk.
5) Have three children by three separate women, never had a penny since.
6) I took my first magic mushrooms, met the source of everything and felt an oneness with the multiverse. Studied mushrooms for two years, expanded my mind, joined the anti nazi league. Karma returned when the white supremacist and the BNP wanted to take me out of the political landscape.
7) At a Buddhist retreat I inadvertently killed a rat. I was cured of my longing for omniscient regonition and left immediately.
I shat myself on a plane once dodgy lamb in Turkey. Became a vegetarian after that.
9) I became an orgone warrior and apparently ended up as an MI6 agent.
10) I realize life is fubar, but I choose to incarnate here for some reason which has not become clear as yet. My life’s quest is to transcend duality....
Jeff said "I have an extreme aversion to ketchup." Huh? (thats strange, very strange. I too cried at BoMC and ring of bright water.)