by Nordic » Sat Jan 21, 2012 7:00 am
1. My memory is acting strange. I just read through this thread, wondering if I had taken the challenge. I had. I don't remember writing it. This is happening more and more. I feel as though my brain is filling up, not unlike a nearly-full hard drive. Yet for years I will find things that I've written and have absolutely zero memory of having written them.
2. I would love to see a photo of Alice, and to meet her as well. Her real name probably isn't Alice, but my mother's was.
3. I, too, feel like a completely different person than I was in the first half of my adulthood. I am so disconnected from my past, as someone previously mentioned. When I think of my past, I'm actually kind of embarrassed at who I used to be. It seems like I'm thinking of someone else. Perhaps this is normal as one approaches 50.
4. My goal was to live a life without regrets. I now regret a great deal. I am old enough and wise enough now to realize this isn't a failure, but inevitable, and to formulate such a goal in the first place was youthful folly.
5. I don't drink any more, because almost everything I regret I did while I was drunk.
6. I was bumped up a grade, skipped 3rd. This was due to having some kind of high IQ or something. I would not wish to do it again, and if I could go back in time, I would opt out (if my parents would let me). The result is that I was physically smaller than my classmates, and the girls were even more ahead of me than they would have been otherwise. This was intimidating and also resulted in my getting picked on a great deal. My self esteem was pretty much destroyed by the time I got to 8th grade, when I suddenly got very tall.
7. I hate, almost more than anything in life, calling strangers on the telephone. This has inhibited my career to a level I don't really care to think about. I was extremely and painfully shy for most of my adult life, until I discovered celexa, an antidepressant. I wish to god I'd had it when I was younger. My life might be greatly different now. Even with celexa I would rather do almost anything than cold call anyone.
8. I can draw extremely photographic-like pencil drawings. To me, it's nothing more than copying, a human xerox machine. Others think me an astoundingly gifted artist. I wish I was that. They are beautiful, but to me that's just the ridiculously painstaking craftsmanship I put into them. I haven't done one since my early 20's.
9. I'm good at a great many things, however I have failed to make money in my life, to the point that when I turn 50 in a few days, I will be more destitute than I've ever been in my life. I quite possibly face eviction, and this with a wife who had to quit her part-time job due to health problems and two kids.
10. I used to crash my buddy's computer whenever I would walk into his home office. Just by standing there.
11. I haven't worked since December 15th of last year. I'm starting to feel this must mean something. God is trying to tell me something. I don't know what, but I wish I did.
12. It's 2:42 in the morning and I am wide awake. I can hear both my kids, in their bedrooms, talking in their sleep. Their mom also talks in her sleep. Every night.
13. I had what I can only describe as "religious ecstasies" when I was in, oh, the 7th grade. In Germany, where I was living. These affected me profoundly, and even at my most agonstic, in college, I was unable to ever accept that there was no god, or spirit world, or whatever you want to call it. The only one I had as an adult was after almost losing my life in a hiking accident in the mountains of Colorado, where, due to pure stupidity and inexperience on my part, I started to slide down a mountainside and was only saved by jettisoning my heavy camera bag and watching it cartwheel down the mountainside into the rushing waters of the river several hundred feet below, where I would have gone had I not gotten rid of the extra weight. I stood in the moonlight looking over the valley and felt that same religious ecstasy I'd felt when I was a kid.
14. Ghosts seem to follow me. Either that or I am attracted to them. I've lived in several haunted houses now. The one I'm in now seems clean, except my son saw a man in the house soon after we moved in. He decided he was an "angel". It's not really fun to live in a haunted house. Ghosts can get into your own head, because they live in that realm between the physical and the soul, like they're stuck there, and they can actually make you get kind of crazy. In the house that was the most severely haunted, I once didn't sleep for what was probably two weeks. Maybe more. I went a bit mad. I wasn't the only one who experienced the ghost(s) there, in fact I could write a novel on that particular house and all the things that happened there. In fact, I made a short film about it, which I later turned into a feature film that I both wrote and directed. I was 27 when I did this, and haven't directed a movie since. I almost feel like the ghost helped get the thing made.
15. I swear to god I picked up my son before he was born, at a big house on the coast, in Malibu. His spirit was in the trees. I kept hearing a voice calling my name. Only time in my life that has happened. My wife was soon pregnant and I feel like that's who was calling my name. It was a very strong feeling.
16. When my wife was pregnant, one night I swear to god my son's spirit came out and was moving around the room. I was playing checkers with my stepdaughter and the checkers started moving on their own. Like someone was trying to play with us. I was dumbfounded. I tried to replicate the movement and could not. Something unseen was moving them.
17. Soon after he learned to speak, he began telling us, without suggestion, that he had a past life. He gave us a name and an occupation and listed a few of the habits of the person. Like drinking beer for lunch. Now he just laughs it off, almost like he's forgotten. I googled the name but could only find people in Switzerland with that name, it's Swiss German. My grandfather on my mother's side was Swiss German and his grandfather an immigrant from there.
18. I've been clairvoyant several times in my life. I cannot control it but wish I could. It comes from outside of me, that's how I tell it from a fear or a worry or a wish. Those things come from inside of me.
19. I've never had a real job, except for temp work.
20. The woman with whom I had the most profound and mystical supernatural connection with? Couldn't work out in real life. Real life isn't about that, it's about other things. I had a difficult time accepting that. It was very disappointing to realize that.
I have now listed 30, in this thread, and could easily keep going. Weird.
"Whatever deceives men seems to produce a magical enchantment." -- Plato