What is the world coming to?(NSFP)

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What is the world coming to?(NSFP)

Postby sunny » Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:12 pm

:D

when you can't even eff your own picnic table in your own yard?

This Dude Had Sex With A Picnic Table
Image

40-year-old Art Price of Bellevue, Ohio was arrested for fucking his picnic table. The dude was doing sexy times with a damn picnic table! Remember the man who was arrested for fucking a bicycle? I understand that, because bicycles can be sexy. There's nothing sexy about a picnic table.

Art was seen by neighbors on 4 different occasions fucking his picnic table, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon. Mid-morning delight! One neighbor even videotaped it and turned the tape over to police. The Bellevue police caption said, "The first video we had, he was completely nude." That must have been an exciting day down at the police station. They all gathered around, passed the donuts and laughed their fat asses off.

Police think he was fucking the umbrella hole in the table. I hope that for Art's sake the table was made out of plastic and not wood. Splinter dick can't be pleasant.

I will never look at a picnic table the same way again. I always thought they were so innocent and only their to provide wholesome fun. But now I know what brazen hussies they really are.


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Postby brainpanhandler » Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:46 pm

Strange, since the fellow seems so not creepy.
"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King Jr.
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Postby compared2what? » Sat Mar 29, 2008 2:04 pm

This initially struck me as a "thus-have-a-few-people-always-fucked-fetishized-objects" story mixed with a not-alarmingly-greater-than-usual dash of the law enforcement penchant for saving their public lewdness quotas for those whose taste in furniture they find suspiciously more evolved than theirs.

Then I realized that it was really an oblique message intended to subliminally link global trade with pedophilia, via the subtle, unstated thrust at the North American Fucking Tables Association, which naturally leads to thoughts of NAMBLA.

Do the acronym!
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