The comedy thread

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby 0_0 » Sat Apr 12, 2014 10:08 pm

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Tue Apr 15, 2014 5:44 am

Potentially offensive, I know, especially here, and especially the Josef Fritzl stuff (doesn't even come up until the 6 minute mark though).

But I can't help thinking it's a genuinely great routine.



This is a beauty too, though it may seem utterly shite to start with:



.
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Sat Apr 26, 2014 6:51 am

Chances are that nobody here is looking for a wry and not-very-subtle British comedy from many years ago, which hints at the GLADIO networks, sanctioned state terrorism, arms dealing by the UK MoD, and the surreal long-term laxity of British export law when it comes to weapons and explosives.

But here it is anyway.

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby justdrew » Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:56 pm

I loved Yes Minister, and then Yes Prime Minister. Pretty good shows, the actors and the script really shine. There was a six ep reboot a year or two ago as well, not as good, but not totally bad either.
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby conniption » Thu May 01, 2014 7:03 pm

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Episode 1 Full Episode (TVMA) (HBO)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tCmriZSxxk
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:28 am

justdrew » Sat Apr 26, 2014 11:56 am wrote:I loved Yes Minister, and then Yes Prime Minister. Pretty good shows, the actors and the script really shine. There was a six ep reboot a year or two ago as well, not as good, but not totally bad either.


I hated the reboot, sadly. Wanted to enjoy it, but couldn't. They cut out a very vital and serious (if highly controversial) part that was in the stage show - about the UK Foreign Office arranging underage prostitutes for visiting Middle Eastern (OPEC) dignitaries - and also tried to make a joke out of Scottish independence, but without being clever or original about it. They just trotted out the subsidy myth again, in a basic way, with no subversion or turnaround to make it funny. One expected better. The acting was still good though.
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby justdrew » Thu Jun 12, 2014 2:35 am

RIP RIK :tear

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Sun Jun 22, 2014 6:46 pm

I liked the comment from Rik Mayall's long-term comedy partner Adrian Edmondson, holding to the spirit of their various acts over the decades.

"There were times when Rik and I were writing together when we almost died laughing.

"They were some of the most carefree stupid days I ever had, and I feel privileged to have shared them with him.

"And now he's died for real. Without me. Selfish bastard."

At the same time, I don't remember there being such shock when Mel Smith had a heart attack, and he was only four years older than Mayall...

:eeyaa
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby justdrew » Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:23 am

well, I'll just point out that a lot of Americans who know of him, have never seen any of the Comic Strip specials, which have continued up to last year IIRC. They really should. :thumbsup

After all, wasn't Bad News the inspiration for spinal tap?

Rik's not in this one (I think), but damn every line is perfect. just wait for their depiction of Wales to settle in. :rofl2

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby stillrobertpaulsen » Wed Jul 09, 2014 5:30 pm

45 Million Gallons Of Crude Blood Lost In Red Cross Pipeline Rupture
News in Brief • natural disasters • News • ISSUE 50•27 • Jul 9, 2014

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LAS CRUCES, NM—In what is being called the worst blood disaster in U.S. history, the Red Cross’ Western Blood Pipeline ruptured Tuesday evening, spilling 45 million gallons of crude O positive across a three-mile radius. “I’ve never seen anything like this; right now there’s blood up to four feet deep in some places, and it’s beginning to seep into the local water supply,” said Red Cross relief worker Tony Benson, adding that volunteers were needed for the massive effort to clean the blood-soaked wildlife located near the Texas-California pipeline. “Long term we’re looking at hundreds of millions of dollars in cleanup and property damage, but right now the challenge will just be scrambling to make up for the sheer loss of blood.” At press time, authorities warned residents to stay in their homes while helicopters spray the area with anticoagulants.
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby norton ash » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:31 am

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.

So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”

And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants wishes.”

So the guy runs into the men’s room and, sure enough, there’s this genie. And the genie’s, like, “Your wish is my command.” So the guy’s, like, “O.K., I wish for world peace.” And there’s this big cloud of smoke—and then the room fills up with geese.

So the guy walks out of the men’s room and he’s, like, “Hey, bartender, I think your genie might be hard of hearing.”

And the bartender’s, like, “No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

So the guy processes this. And he’s, like, “Does that mean you wished for a twelve-inch penis?”

And the bartender’s, like, “Yeah. Why, what did you wish for?”

And the guy’s, like, “World peace.”

So the bartender is understandably ashamed.

And the guy orders a beer, like everything is normal, but it’s obvious that something has changed between him and the bartender.

And the bartender’s, like, “I feel like I should explain myself further.”

And the guy’s, like, “You don’t have to.”

But the bartender continues, in a hushed tone. And he’s, like, “I have what’s known as penile dysmorphic disorder. Basically, what that means is I fixate on my size. It’s not that I’m small down there. I’m actually within the normal range. Whenever I see it, though, I feel inadequate.”

And the guy feels sorry for him. So he’s, like, “Where do you think that comes from?”

And the bartender’s, like, “I don’t know. My dad and I had a tense relationship. He used to cheat on my mom, and I knew it was going on, but I didn’t tell her. I think it’s wrapped up in that somehow.”

And the guy’s, like, “Have you ever seen anyone about this?”

And the bartender’s, like, “Oh, yeah, I started seeing a therapist four years ago. But she says we’ve barely scratched the surface.”

So, at around this point, the twelve-inch pianist finishes up his SONATA. And he walks over to the bar and climbs onto one of the stools. And he’s, like, “Listen, I couldn’t help but overhear the end of your conversation. I never told anyone this before, but my dad and I didn’t speak the last ten years of his life.”

And the bartender’s, like, “Tell me more about that.” And he pours the pianist a tiny glass of whiskey.

And the twelve-inch pianist is, like, “He was a total monster. Beat us all. Told me once I was an accident.”

And the bartender’s, like, “That’s horrible.”

And the twelve-inch pianist shrugs. And he’s, like, “You know what? I’m over it. He always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, because of my height? Well, now look at me. I’m a professional musician!”

And the pianist starts to laugh, but it’s a forced kind of laughter, and you can see the pain behind it. And then he’s, like, “When he was in the hospital, he had one of the nurses call me. I was going to go see him. Bought a plane ticket and everything. But before I could make it back to Tampa . . .”

And then he starts to cry. And he’s, like, “I just wish I’d had a chance to say goodbye to my old man.”

And all of a sudden there’s this big cloud of smoke—and a beat-up Plymouth Voyager appears!

And the pianist is, like, “I said ‘old man,’ not ‘old van’!”

And everybody laughs. And the pianist is, like, “Your genie’s hard of hearing.”

And the bartender says, “No kidding. You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

And as soon as the words leave his lips he regrets them. Because the pianist is, like, “Oh, my God. You didn’t really want me.”

And the bartender’s, like, “No, it’s not like that.” You know, trying to backpedal.

And the pianist smiles ruefully and says, “Once an accident, always an accident.” And he drinks all of his whiskey.

And the bartender’s, like, “Brian, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

And the pianist smashes his whiskey glass against the wall and says, “Well, I didn’t mean that.”

And the bartender’s, like, “Whoa, calm down.”

And the pianist is, like, “Fuck you!” And he’s really drunk, because he’s only one foot tall and so his tolerance for ALCOHOL is extremely low. And he’s, like, “Fuck you, asshole! Fuck you!”

And he starts throwing punches, but he’s too small to do any real damage, and eventually he just collapses in the bartender’s arms.

And suddenly he has this revelation. And he’s, like, “My God, I’m just like him. I’m just like him.” And he starts weeping.

And the bartender’s, like, “No, you’re not. You’re better than he was.”

And the pianist is, like, “That’s not true. I’m worthless!”

And the bartender grabs the pianist by the shoulders and says, “Damn it, Brian, listen to me! My life was hell before you entered it. Now I look forward to every day. You’re so talented and kind and you light up this whole bar. Hell, you light up my whole life. If I had a second wish, you know what it would be? It would be for you to realize how beautiful you are.”

And the bartender kisses the pianist on the lips.

So the guy, who’s been watching all this, is surprised, because he didn’t know the bartender was gay. It doesn’t bother him; it just catches him off guard, you know? So he goes to the bathroom, to give them a little privacy. And there’s the genie.

So the guy’s, like, “Hey, genie, you need to get your ears fixed.”

And the genie’s, like, “Who says they’re broken?” And he opens the door, revealing the happy couple, who are kissing and gaining strength from each other.

And the guy’s, like, “Well done.”

And then the genie says, “That bartender’s tiny penis is going to seem huge from the perspective of his one-foot-tall boyfriend.”

And the graphic nature of the comment kind of kills the moment.

And the genie’s, like, “I’m sorry. I should’ve left that part unsaid. I always do that. I take things too far.”

And the guy’s, like, “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just grab a beer. It’s on me.” ♦

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/ ... into-a-bar
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby KUAN » Wed Aug 13, 2014 12:04 pm

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby stefano » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:49 am

I'm just getting into this: A Touch of Cloth, by Charlie Brooker. It's very Charlie Brooker. I'm glad he's getting the budgets to do this kind of thing.



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Re: The comedy thread

Postby coffin_dodger » Tue Aug 19, 2014 10:10 am

^^ Touch of Cloth - :rofl2

To 'touch cloth' -

is English slang to need a poo-poo so badly that the 'turtles head' begins protruding from the arse, thus soiling the underwear. :rofl2 :thumbsup
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Iamwhomiam » Tue Aug 19, 2014 10:28 pm

I sure do wish I could watch those videos. I've only ever been able to remember one joke, one my brother in law shared with me nearly 40 years ago. It's a bit long and goes like this:

On a business trip down south a wealthy gentleman was told about a hillbilly who raised the best hunting dogs in the world. Intrigued, he wanted to see for himself whether this could be true, which he doubted, because he felt he already owned the best bred dogs from a world famous breeder. But still, a bargain might be had if he were to acquire one and sell it at profit to a fellow in his hunt club back in Connecticut whose own dog had died.

And so the fellow drew him a map which led him deep into the country, dirt road after dirt road, till he arrived at a run down old farmhouse with decrepit outbuildings and dogs in the distance were heard barking. A far cry from any setting he was used to and a bit spooky.

He honked his horn and from behind his car an equally disheveled unshaven stalk of a man appeared with a shotgun held warily across his arm. Chewing on a straw, he was sure this rich fellow was as lost as one could get and asked him what he wanted.

The rich gentleman told the hillbilly he had heard a rumor that he raised some pretty good hunting dogs and had come to see if it was true.

"Rumor! shouted the hillbilly. T'aint no damn rumor! My dogs are the best damned hunt dogs in the world! And I'll prove it to you! C'mon along, you'll see."

He went around back to a kennel and brought out one of his dogs and then they crossed into a large fenced field. "Watch this," said the hillbilly as he loosed his dog. Back and forth across the field the dog darted, one way and then another till he finally came straight back to his keeper and barked three times.

The hillbilly announced, "There's three rabbits in that thar field." To which the gentleman laughed out loud in disbelief. "I see you don't believe me." "So let's go beat the bush." which they did and sure enough, there were only three rabbits that ran from the field.

"Pure coincidence!" shouted the gentleman. And so, off to another field they headed. This time the dog came back and barked 5 times and sure enough, after beating the bush, 5 rabbits ran from the field.

They did this once more in another field before the gentleman was satisfied and decided to buy the dog, convinced that it was as good a hunting dog as it was rumored to be.

So fascinated by the dog's uncanny ability, he called the hunt club and told them to assemble the club members, have them mounted and ready to go! I have just purchased a dog that will astonish everyone with its abilities to root out game.

And so, all dressed in their finest, and mounted, they awaited his arrival. He arrives and says, "Watch this." and sends his dog out into the field.

Just like down south, the dog ran this way and that, back and forth across the field, but instead of barking any number of times, the dog picked up a stick in his mouth and started shaking his head violently back and forth and ran over to his new owner and began humping his leg! Much to the amusement of his audience.

Embarrassed, he sent the dog out again. When the dog came back this time he repeated his earlier behavior. One last try brought the same result. He was now the laughing stock of the club and was humiliated.

Furious, he packed up the dog and flew back down south and traveled to the hillbilly's to return him and have his money refunded.

The hillbilly was puzzled. No one ever returned one of his dogs, so he asked what was wrong with the dog and so the gentleman told him what happened, not once, but three times.

"Why, you fool, the hillbilly said to him, don't you know what that dog was tryin' to tell you? He was tryin' to tell you there are more fucking rabbits in that field than you can shake a stick at!"
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