The comedy thread

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Jeff » Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:20 pm

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Mon Nov 28, 2011 11:12 am

"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:28 pm

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
BY Colin Nissan
- - - -

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!
"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby semper occultus » Tue Nov 29, 2011 2:45 pm

Bruce Dazzling wrote:Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!


..is "autumn" used much in the US rather than fall ?

which also prompts me to wonder what the equivalent is of autumnal ?

fall-al ?
fall-ish ?
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:12 pm

semper occultus wrote:
Bruce Dazzling wrote:Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!


..is "autumn" used much in the US rather than fall ?

which also prompts me to wonder what the equivalent is of autumnal ?

fall-al ?
fall-ish ?


Interesting question.

In my immediate circle, fall tends to be the go-to descriptor, but perhaps others have a different experience.
"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Allegro » Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:43 pm

Bruce Dazzling wrote:
semper occultus wrote:
Bruce Dazzling wrote:Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

..is "autumn" used much in the US rather than fall ?

which also prompts me to wonder what the equivalent is of autumnal ?

fall-al ?
fall-ish ?
Interesting question.

In my immediate circle, fall tends to be the go-to descriptor, but perhaps others have a different experience.
    I didn't know there was such a word as "autumnal." Good word. Though, I so love autumn, from now on, I'll refer to myself as an autumnal mammal. Try saying "an autumnal mammal" three times reeely fast. Okay :bigsmile ?? … While you're practicing, of course :clown, you might consider watching (or not) this funny film short. The producers put their thriller's resolve at the very very end of the piece—like, beyond the credits, even.
:)
Art will be the last bastion when all else fades away.
~ Timothy White (b 1952), American rock music journalist
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby MacCruiskeen » Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:10 pm

"Ich kann gar nicht so viel fressen, wie ich kotzen möchte." - Max Liebermann,, Berlin, 1933

"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts." - Richard Feynman, NYC, 1966

TESTDEMIC ➝ "CASE"DEMIC
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Simulist » Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:34 am

Since I could really use a laugh right about now, I was happy that a friend of mine alerted me to the existence of:

The Worst Nativity Scenes Ever.

(And at least one of those in there simply has to qualify! — like maybe the one with the manger made out of bacon and the Holy Family depicted as tiny sausages… or… well, you'll see.)
"The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego."
    — Alan Watts
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Fri Dec 02, 2011 11:30 am



"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

OWS Photo Essay

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:55 am

Unintentional(?) comedy gold.

"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

OWS Photo Essay

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Hammer of Los » Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:54 pm

...

I loved that video Bruce! Great fun.

I'm guessing they are larpers, you know like your SCA lot.

I always wanted to dress up in a wizard's robe. I really might, one day.

:angelwings:
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby justdrew » Thu Dec 08, 2011 6:52 am

By 1964 there were 1.5 million mobile phone users in the US
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Bruce Dazzling » Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:24 am

"Arrogance is experiential and environmental in cause. Human experience can make and unmake arrogance. Ours is about to get unmade."

~ Joe Bageant R.I.P.

OWS Photo Essay

OWS Photo Essay - Part 2
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Re: The comedy thread

Postby gnosticheresy_2 » Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:50 pm

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Re: The comedy thread

Postby Stephen Morgan » Sat Dec 10, 2011 6:25 am

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible. -- Lawrence of Arabia
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