Cid: Do you find yourself searching for just the right thread to post a youtube video of "My Favorite Brunette," starring Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour, Peter Lorre and Lon Chaney Jr?
Steve: Don't think I've ever done that.
Cid: Do the five words General Discussion brings to your mind today have nothing to do with General Discussion?
Macario: Wake up in your dreams.
Eugene: Have you played Atari today.
Cid: Fight the urge to post cat gifs on the 'images only' thread?
Zap: Oh sure, we all do.
Cid: And when you're looking at cat gifs, and you see a gif of Tom Cat from Tom & Jerry, and you think "huh, I haven't thought of Tom & Jerry in like, ten years," and then later on when you're watching an Esther Williams movie, there's a surprise dream sequence scene where Esther is swimming across the English Channel with Tom & Jerry, do you think, "Oh, I have to post about this on the 'synchronicity thread?'
Dave: Cid, you're a mind reader.
Steve: Esther Williams, Dave? Really?
Joel Hedge: You guys are in quite the silly mood today.
***
Cid: Then you may be spending too much time on Rigorous Intuition!
Joel Hedge: So Cid is doing Public Service Announcements now.
Dave: Someone has to, Joel Hedge.
Bob: (finally finds his voice) The ship... is freaking awesome.
Eugene: Now it is. We used to run on steam.
Cid: Steam is clunky and cumbersome!
Steve: Too many trendy nano-particles in it.
Eugene: But Zap fixed that. Now we...
Dave: Are we really going to get into this bit? Here, I'll save you some time. Chaos power. Zap whipped out his laptop from his satchel like he's pulling a gun, upgraded the ship nine ways to Sunday. Custom built Shaw-Generator hooked-up to the nav-com. Chaos stored in the mini-fridge.
Bob: In the mini-fridge?
Macario: Serves as a harmonic flyback converter box.
Cid: Stepdown chaos via gradient descent, Bob!
Steve: Come on, Bob.
Dave: ...But then Zap found a better way.
Zap: Jen-li lent me this book...
Joel Hedge: (explains to reader) She's one of the priestesses.
Cid: He harnessed synchro-entanglement for manipulation of nD collapse, Bob!
Steve: Why didn't I think of that.
Joel Hedge: heh. Good, Steve.
***
Dave: But now we don't bother with all that.
Steve: The Shaw-Generator is collecting dust in the glovebox.
Cid: Beleth does time and dimension travel automatically. And once she became sand goddess, she always was, so she just went ahead and pre-set all of our destinations for us.
Joel Hedge: Which means Zap never had to do all that other stuff anymore. Anymore? (looks down at script) Zap never had to do all that other stuff anymore. That doesn't sound right.
Steve: Understand, Bob?
Bob opens his mouth like he's about to say something. Closes it. Points up, takes a deep breath. Exhales, putting his head in his hands.
Bob: (muttering) I cant... I can't.
Dave: Now, are we going to just fuck around until we get another phone call?
Steve: Sounds about right.
***
Celes: Joel Hedge.
Joel Hedge: What. Oh. (turns the page) Zap.
Zap: Eugene.
Eugene: Where should we go for dinner?
Cid: Surreal! Absurd!
Steve laughs.
Joel Hedge: Onions and Ordeals, or McDonalds on the Moon.
Zap: Isn't it 'Ordeals and Onions?'
Dave: Steve?
Steve: McDonalds on the Moon.
Eugene: Sounds good. (takes the ship up, up, up.)
***
Bob: (voice muffled by his hands) We're going to the Moon?
Joel Hedge: It's a nice McDonalds, Bob. Like a European McDonalds.
Bob: (stares through fingers) Are we... going to fly there?
Eugene: We could.
Macario: We could also fly underwater, through lava...
Cid: Down into the volcano on Zap's secret island!
Zap facepalms.
Joel Hedge: Hey.
Zap: What.
Joel Hedge: It says in the script that you facepalmed, but you didn't.
Zap: It's alright, they can't see.
***
Bob: What... what happened to...
Eugene: That was for time and dimension travel. For space travel, we go the old fashioned way.
Macario: Jarvisgates.
Cid opens Jarvisgate favorites folder, clicks on 'Moon McDonalds.'
Steve: (explains to reader) We open Jarvisgates by firing a packet of antimatter and hydromagnetic spin-Hall 'encoded' plasma from a Spectral Expander cannon.
Green light blinks in front of Eugene.
Eugene: (fires the Sexy beam, nebulous egg of iridescent plasma shoots out ahead of ship) Packet is commonly called a 'Sexy beam.'
Sexy beam firework explodes, Jarvisgate opens.
Joel Hedge: Maybe some of us should get there first, hold some tables. We're a pretty big party today.
Dave: mm. Yeah, you're right. (holds up hand, open palm facing out) Fygars, Rygars, rockets and slime.
Dave, Macario, Zap, and Joel Hedge vanish in a moire distortion veil, leaving lots of cherry blossom petals in their wake.
***
Timeline Runner speeds right up to gate. Yellow-green glow pulses outside of round windows and on ship's main screen.
Steve: (explains to reader) Eugene likes to fly into the gate backwards.
Eugene spins ship.
Earth far below for a second, then Yellow-green glow suddenly fills view.
_________
Red exit gate grows smaller on main screen as Eugene backs out. Red glow fades.
Eugene switches to rear-view. Moon McDonalds parking lot.
Steve: (explains to reader) This Jarvisgate is set to open just above Moon McDonalds, so all Eugene has to do after exiting is park.
Eugene lets ship drift in free-fall, engaging thrust now and then, nudging ship on course for a parking space, guiding down to surface like he's playing a game.
Cid: I wonder if they'll have the happy meal toys that were sold out last time? I'm only missing one of the Gundams and three Sailor Moons!
Celes: Stop, Cid.
Eugene lands Timeline Runner in parking spot, balancing on thruster cone.
***
Cats wait in back bay while flex-tube passage is locked onto hatchway, feed Big storage chicken a couple carrots. Parking lot attendant waves.
