Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

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Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby streeb » Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:16 pm

Doherty a no show at Cage recording

(UKPA) – 3 days ago

Pete Doherty failed to attend the recording of a silent Christmas charity single aimed for the Christmas number one spot.

Madness frontman Suggs, The Kooks, Orbital and singer Imogen Heap were among those who arrived at the Soho recording studio on Monday to record a cover version of experimental composer John Cage's silent work 4'33". But Pete, who organisers had hoped would attend, failed to show up as recording of the four minute, 33 second piece got under way.

A spokesman said: "I don't know where he is. Somebody is trying to get hold of him. We can't rule anything out."

He added Billy Bragg "recorded" his contribution via a phone.

The Cage Against the Machine campaign has already attracted a huge amount of support on Facebook, with more than 63,000 people signing up to make the single the festive number one.

Luke Pritchard of The Kooks said: "It's a really cool thing to do, a lot of my friends are involved.

"It's definitely something close to the heart and also I wanted to do it. To try and be number one for Christmas is quite cool.

"It's quite interesting, it's a piece of art really. It's a conceptual piece rather than something musical. It's more of a statement really, isn't it?"

Asked if the Cage cover was a conscious attempt by some bands to beat the X Factor's hold on the charts, Luke added: "It is a bit, I think, but I don't think that's why everyone is here. You can make it a big deal if you want, the fact it's against X Factor.

"It's for charity, it's for a good cause. People want to do something they think matters. If it beats X Factor, that's brilliant."


Read more: http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/enter ... z17l1HoqQ7


Is this just Doherty being a smart-arse? Anyway, I love that Billy Bragg phoned in his bit. Why weren't Simon and Garfunkel invited? Or post-op Julie Andrews?

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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby semper occultus » Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:48 am

or Bono... a period of silence from him would be most welcome, however abbreviated
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby marycarnival » Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:58 am

semper occultus wrote:or Bono... a period of silence from him would be most welcome, however abbreviated



Zing!
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:42 pm

Resurrecting this thread because I like the title. It's open to interpretation, lots of different things could fall under this heading. Hopefully my silly pictures can peacefully coexist here alongside other absurdist sci-fi-isms.

ch1.jpg


1271611.jpg
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Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby Iamwhomiam » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:36 am

^^^^ For you, dada:
Image



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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Sat Dec 10, 2016 6:23 pm

13.

Stars, clouds, surveillance drones.

Eugene: Well, kitty, here we are.

Pixel: Yeps.

Cid: (to reader) You may be wondering, reader, "What belongs in a 'Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel' thread?"

Eugene: (turns dials on the Mean Machine) Setting the parameters pretty wide. (pulls lever)

Pixel: Nice spot for poem.

on cerise storm of fashioned din
your micrite unreflexions in
a scenic coming image to
chokoku sand the shape of view
mi diosa de arena
Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby Elvis » Sat Dec 10, 2016 8:39 pm

I don't see why Trump and Clinton can't share the presidency..."win/win"...

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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Sun Dec 11, 2016 4:52 am

Joe Hillshoist » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:20 pm wrote:
Nordic » 09 Dec 2016 16:14 wrote:If their "drive out Satan" thing works it's gonna be pretty quiet there. A ghost town.


I think its more a "coming out" thing. Where they break the seal on that hole in the Pentagon let it out then drive Satan (Cuthulu or whatever its called) around in the back of open topped, bullet to a Kennedy style limo. So everyone can have a good look and cheer.


Maybe both. Ghost limo driving through ghost town. Ghost crowd cheering, 'the blood is the life.' Film replays every night.

Yog Sothoth was the one in the Pentagon. I have it on good authority. An absurd old book, I think it was the trans-galactic encyclopaedia of primate psychology.

Now exists again, free, not in the spaces we know, but between them. You know, after winter, summer. The seed that is buried, sprouts, etc.Insert rosy cross reference here. And blah blah blah and so on.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Tue Dec 13, 2016 6:16 pm

I met a guy today, soft-spoken, seemingly intelligent tax-paying US business owner. He explained to me, kind of sheepish and embarrassed, that he thinks Hillary Clinton is a clone. He gave me some dvds about clones. How could I refuse. I'll report back when I get a chance to watch them. Now I'm off, to job number 2.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby Iamwhomiam » Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:06 pm

Dang, dada, please post them to YT sow we can view them too. Pretty please!
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Thu Dec 22, 2016 4:24 am

Cid: Let's do something fun, Eugene!

Eugene: Why would we do that?

Cid: Aw, come on, Eugene. How about... some deleted scenes from a surrealist sci-fi novel!

Eugene: Absurdist.

Cid: Well, if you insist.

Eugene: hm. Where's the clickbait-style eye-candy?

Cid: This is Rigorous Intuition, Eugene. The readers here don't need that. They're smart.

Dave: ...

Eugene: I see Dave is doing a significant silence. What are you implying, Dave?

Dave: You know what I'm implying. Want me to spell it out?

Cid: No! It's Christmas spirit time, guys.

Eugene: Be like Jesus, Dave.

Dave: Hang on, I'll get my dinosaur.

Cid: Since it's Christmas, allow me to present... a Christmas Special deleted scene! In this one, Link saves Santa.

Eugene: From what, pray tell, does Santa need saving from, Cid?

Dave: Eugene knows, reader. He only asked to set up the scene for you.

Eugene: Dave isn't going to let me get away with it.

Cid: Santa got turned into a Fire Gigas by Thanatos the Wizard!

Eugene: A Fire Gigas.

Cid: Like a zombie incredible hulk that breathes fire.

Dave: Just start the scene already.

Eugene: Quit being a tease Cid.

Cid: heh. Alright, uh... let me see. Okay. Link Saves Santa! Starring... lots of characters you've never heard of, but you feel like you know them already. And remember... think surreal!

Eugene: Absurd, Cid.

----------------------------

Ryu: This Holiday Special feels nice. That last thing we did was really heavy for some reason.

Joel Hedge: Well, we did get the Trisquangle of Death in it.

Ryu: True, true.

Zap: What if this nice, light feeling isn't in contrast to what came before, but what's coming up next?

Link: Yeah, but you're expecting it to get heavy, now.

Zap: So it won't? (with joking seriousness) hmm... Maybe I should always expect things to get heavy, to keep them light.

Ann starts dancing for no reason at all, like she does sometimes.

Ryu: You hear that?

Link: What, the howling at the edge of audibility? All the time, all the time.

Zap: heh. Things just went from 'nice and light,' to 'dark and ominous.'

Joel Hedge: What happened to Christmas?

***

Eugene pilots the Timeline Runner to Santatown. Cid in the navigator's chair, Zap at the comm. Celes at the weapons console. Steve Wagner and Joel Hedge working the emulator. Link and Ryu on the futon, papers spread around. Ann isn't dancing now, she's sitting cross-legged in the Shatner chair.

Steve Wagner: (to Link) You really mean all that stuff you say?

Link: Oh, it's just a story.

Eugene: (nods) Santatown, dead ahead.

Eugene parks the Timeline Runner by a big fir tree. Everyone climbs out.

Santa is angry to see them. He has the form of a Fire-Gigas. Like a big nightmare Santa. He shoots some fireballs.

Cid casually smaaashes the fireballs with his silver no-hammer.

Santa roars.

A stampede of shade-Minish appear, running across the snow.

Joel Hedge: They look like shadow elves.

Steve: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Ryu and Celes draw their swords.

Steve takes off his baseball cap, flings it.

The red cap mows down half of the shade-Minish stampede, turns, and mows the other half down on it's return arc.

***

Steve catches his baseball cap, puts it back on his head, adjusts it.

Eugene lifts his arms. Eight spiders jump over his shoulders and bounce all over Santa, knocking him over.

The spiders stomp on Santa some more, for good measure.

Joel Hedge: (to Eugene) So you have the spiders, now?

Eugene: I do.

Cid: This is the "Rigorous Intuition Deleted Scene Special," Joel Hedge!

Joel Hedge: Ah.

Eugene: Hey Zap, hit Santa with the air-horn while he's down.

Zap walks up to Santa, activating the soundblaster in his multi-weapon backpack.

The noise hits Santa, transforming him into a normal Santa.

Joel Hedge: Oh good. Zap saved Christmas.

***

Cid whistles, and points at Eugene.

The spiders jump away from Santa, hop over Eugene's shoulders and disappear.

Santa: (getting up off the ground, brushing snow off of his suit) Oof! Thanks, Cats! Ho ho ho!

Ryu: No problem, Santa.

Santa: As a reward, you will get no coal in your stockings! Except for Link. I've received too many letters, emails and phone calls about him this year.

Ryu: Oh, come on, Santa. When did you start letting other people's opinions dictate for you.

Santa: But there's so many! Here, let me read you a few.

Santa takes some letters out of his pocket and unfolds them.

Celes: (laughs) Oh, this should be good.

***

Santa: (reads) Dear Santa,

George Leutz says and does many many many wrong things. We all know this. But I'm writing to you now about one thing in particular: he's way out of line.

Things are ordered just so, as we all know. There is a group mind, and it tells us how we are supposed to do things. He's not following it. It hurts the integrity of the ladders and stepladders, and who wants to climb a ladder or stepladder with no integrity? Not I.

Also, he makes people feel left out by doing his own thing. That just isn't fair to anyone, from top to bottom. You know what I really mean when I say from top to bottom, Santa. (The top.)

We worry about the consensus. We can only keep them in line for so long. If he keeps this up, we'll have a mutiny on our hands. He knows what he's doing, and how dare he. Please give him NO PRESENTS this year.

Signed,
a concerned onlooker in the Society of Accepted Standards and Practices.



Steve: Yeah, Link. Stop hurting the integrity of the ladders and step-ladders. Someone might get hurt.

Ann starts dancing.

Joel Hedge looks thoughtful.

Zap: Oh, Joel Hedge always looks thoughtful.

Joel Hedge: heh. Thanks. I seem to remember this going differently. Did Eugene save Santa with a casual shrug in one version?

Ryu: Yeah. Editing out the shrug left behind a ghostly residue.

Ann: (dancing, eyes closed) A shruggy substance.

Joel Hedge: That's right. How could I forget that. Why did that change again?

Ryu: Ninja-editor's prerogative. (pretends to swing editing blade back-and-forth quickly)

Steve: (patiently explaining) The surreal-pace needed streamlining.

Zap: This is something I don't quite fully grasp yet.

Joel Hedge: No one believes you, Zap.

Cid: I'll explain it to you, Zap! It's a different kind of science. And the deepest undercurrent of the story. To create a world where anything is possible, yet still makes...

Celes: (standing among the pile of dead Shade-Minish) Look what I found. (holds up a black rose)

Link: You like it?

Celes: mm hm.

***

Joel Hedge: Wow.

Ryu: Nice.

Cid: (continues as if nothing happened) We decided to install a surreal-o-meter in the Timeline Runner, to keep a more accurate count of the ParaKeets.

Steve: (explains to the reader) ParaKeets are units for measuring surrealness.

Cid: We did a ParaKeet count. We saw that we had to adjust the shrug quotient. So the Santa-saving shrug had to go.

Zap: (clearly acting) It's very strange: I still don't fully grasp it, and my mind fights against it, but it makes sense if I don't think about it so hard. There's an exactness to it. It's like there's a correct way to do surreal-science.

Link: There absolutely is. And you know it when you see it.

Cid: So anyway, Eugene's shrugs are very powerful stuff. Editing one out left behind a shruggy substance...

Steve: Your shrugs are shrug-nificentally shrug-tastic, Eugene.

Cid: ...and this caused the surreal to act up.

Ryu: Which is why Zap's brain has been inverse-influencing the easy/difficult balance, and stuff.

Zap: (overacting) wha... no... You mean there's a reason for that? (looks at reader, eyes wide. Shakes head, blinks with feigned surprise)

Ann laughs.

Joel Hedge: (to Link) So who do you really work for, anyway? I get the feeling there's something going on here that you haven't told us.

Link: It... doesn't matter.

Cid: Let's go to a commercial break!

***
Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Thu Dec 22, 2016 4:37 am

Cid: Now back to the Rigorous Intuition Deleted Scene Holiday Special!

Joel Hedge: Who'd we get to advertise with us?

Eugene: Chevy.

Ryu: I wanna get one of those 2017 Impalas.

Joel Hedge: huh.

Celes: There wasn't any commercial, they're just being silly, Joel Hedge.

Steve: So, Santa... (adjusts cap)

Santa: What? Oh, right. So many letters from people who don't like Link! (rustles papers) Here's another. (reads) Dear Santa,

Link get all the video games stuff wrong. He don't do it in the way I wants, to see when I remeber fondly how all the video games that we all love so well use to go. may be Eugene need to teach him how to use internet right. Do send him any more presents in less he get it right.

Love,
The Urban Dictionary Team.


Steve: Ha!

Ryu: Santa! You gotta be kidding me. You know those guys. The Stupid Intelligence Agency.

Zap: (laughs) Oh my god!

Everyone else giggles.

***

Santa: heh. Yes, well, maybe that one wasn't the best example. Here's another. Dear Santa,

Sorry to bother you, I know you're busy. I'm writing on behalf of some friends of mine.

It has been brought to my attention that George Leutz has stopped playing his role. His new role ('Link') has not yet been approved by any boards or committees, formally or informally.

Now I know what you're thinking: just ignore him. It's the same thing I suggested. My friends are trying. In more ways than one, if you get my meaning.

To keep it brief (if only my friends would've extended me the same courtesy:) they tell me ignoring him is not an 'efficacious strategy' (yes, my friends talk like that. Sigh...), everywhere apple carts are becoming threatened with upset, yadda yadda. Worst of all, they tell me he's got us surrounded. To appear cool, soon we'll all be forced to come to terms with him - god forbid - on his terms. Scary prospects.

The unacceptable is now entirely inevitable. Unless you can stop him. You may be our last hope. Send him no presents this year, please, Santa.

Thanks!
Jimmy Kimmel


Steve: (tears in his eyes, can barely speak) Oh no! Stop! You're killing me here!

Santa: Now this next one is typical of the kind I get the most, my spam box is flooded with them. Dear Santa,

How are you doing, Santa? I'm writing to you today about Link. I think about him, a lot. His attitude, and his poetry, his new look - black hair, no green shirt, - and well, everything. It makes me get funny butterflies in my belly, and they're not the kind of magic butterflies that make you relax. I just know he's a bad, bad boy. So please don't bring him any presents.

Love,
Paula Polestar

***

Joel Hedge: Aw. That's cute.

Santa: So, you see. I need to be able to open my email without spending an hour deleting messages like these every single day. I've made up my mind. I'm sorry, but no presents for Link.

Steve: But Santa, Link is the one that wrote us here to save you.

Ryu: This is bullshit, Santa, and you know it.

Link: (quietly) It's alright guys. Just knowing that Christmas is safe once again is reward enough.

Ann: (stops dancing) Shame on you, Santa! (gives Link a hug)

Celes shoots Santa a nasty look.

Joel Hedge: Link, you're a good person. Don't listen to Santa.

***

Eugene gives Santa a handshake, a thumbs up, and a bottle of hot sauce.

Camera guy spins down from the sky and takes some pictures.

Everyone piles back into the Timeline Runner. Eugene pulls down the thruster lever. Ship rises up to silver sword-like slivers of clouds in an otherwise sunny sky.

Cid: So surreal!

Ryu: Hot sauce!

Zap: That was it? I was expecting this to be unexpectedly easy, but not this unexpectedly easy.

Joel Hedge: You know, we need someone who really doesn't know what's going on around here, around here. We've all been through too many run-throughs to fake it believably.

Ann: Like Bob.

Joel Hedge: Yes, like Bob.

Steve: You'd better figure this out, Cid.

Cid: Me? Ah, what? Hey...

Joel Hedge: Good, Cid. That kind of sounded like Bob. (looks over at Link) Are you writing this dialogue right now?

Link doesn't answer. Sitting at the weapons console, writing in a notepad.

Joel Hedge: hm. ParaKeets undulating quite kinkily this time.

Eugene: Joel Hedge... (points at the surrealometer)

Joel Hedge: (looks at surrealometer, squints) I was right.

Eugene: Yep.

Joel Hedge: Oh, good.

***

Steve: See, Zap, it's the ParaKeets. Your brain isn't really directing the easy/difficult balance.

Zap: I don't know, Steve... Hey Link, is my brain really directing the easy/difficult balance?

Link: mm, ...what?

Zap: I said is my brain really directing the easy/difficult balance.

Link: (distractedly) It might be. But don't worry about it. Once we hit 4x speed of thought it will smooth things out again, either way.

Eugene: I could shrug early if you want.

Link: hm? Ah, gotta wait 'til Joel Hedge gets the Avatar power. Thanks, though.

Eugene: Yeah, that's what I figured. Thought I'd offer.

***

Zap: Funny that some of the people in those letters to Santa still call you 'George.'

Steve: Some people don't catch on as quick as we do.

Ann: And some people will always resist Link, because deep down they just don't like him.

Link: (half paying attention) mm. Yeh.

Zap: What are you working on, anyway? Not really the dialogue for this scene.

Link: No. (hands notepad to Ryu) Here.

Ryu draws dancing knife from belt, puts blade to paper.

***

Eugene: Almost there.

Link: (bright and happy) You guys ready?

Joel Hedge: Well, you seem in a better mood.

Steve: Bet I know why.

Zap: How come?

Celes: Because we're about to go kill a wizard.

Link: (smiling) That's right.

------------------------------------

Cid: The Deleted Scene Christmas Special, brought to you by the heartbeat of America, today's Chevrolet.

Eugene: Good, Cid.

Dave: Celes kills the wizard. She has a Rune Sword, sucks the magic force right out of him so he can't teleport away like all cowardly wizards always do.

Eugene: Dave loves that part.

Dave: mm.

Cid: Merry Christmas!
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:57 pm

Cid: Wasn't that fun, Eugene? Let's do another one!

Eugene: No, and no, Cid.

Cid: Oh, come on, Eugene! Why not?

Dave: One was already one too many.

Eugene: You know how people get, Cid.

Cid: Yeah, I know. Well how about just one more? Pretty please?

Eugene: Just get it over with, Cid.

Dave: Stop wasting time.

Cid: In this scene, Cats do something surreal, then meet Amok the Owl!

--------

Zap holds script. Cats look over his shoulders.

Joel Hedge: Wasn't I eating something in this scene? A peanut bar, or something.

Zap: So, skip all this.

Eugene: Good man.

Cid: (ignores them) Steve!

Steve: Yes, Cid?

Cid: Tell me, Steve, how does the Reverse Bottling Glitch work?

Steve: (explains patiently) You can get a few songs by reversing bottling a fish, Cid. But... you get more songs with a half-bottle of milk.

Cid: Wait just a second there, Steve. Now, if we're already getting two bottles of milk, why do we even bother with the fish?

Eugene: Aren't you glad you asked, Zap?

Zap: I didn't!

Cid: Not only that, Zap! Some other songs even come bundled when you reverse bottle... quest items!

Steve: Reverse bottle for quest items, Cid.

Cid: Four quest items, at once?

Steve: Immediately, Cid.

***

Eugene: (explains to reader) Steve and Cid have been rehearsing that bit.

Steve: It's true.

Joel Hedge: This makes even less sense than usual.

Cid: That's because this is a deleted scene, Joel Hedge!

Zap: Wouldn't that be why this is a deleted scene?

Link: Ryu...

Ryu takes script from Zap, wads it up, tosses it.

Joel Hedge: You shouldn't litter, Ryu.

Ryu: I'm a dirty, dirty ninja.

Celes: Script made of sand.

Link: After all, the scattery things unwind away on winding winds.

Ann: mm. That's nice.

***

Joel Hedge: So... to the mountaintop?

Celes: We're already on the mountaintop, Joel Hedge.

Joel Hedge: (looks around. The Busted Lands spread out below in a panoramic view, the fast moon beginning to rise) Ah. (notices a big meteorite in a smoking crater) Are we doing the meteorite part?

Link: No.

Steve: That part isn't deleted, Joel Hedge.

Joel Hedge: Okay. Forest time, then?

Steve: Yep.

Zap: Race you. (climbs onto Marin the flying battle-ostrich)

Ann: (raises the ghost wind. Joel Hedge hops on it with her) See you down there, reader! (waves)

The rest skate down the mountain at a dangerously fast pace.

***
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Sun Jan 08, 2017 2:11 pm

Cats gather at edge of forest. Moon above the trees. Spray of stars shining on one side of a purple sky, like someone spilled the milky way.

Steve: Nicely done. Beautiful.

Eugene: Don't be mean, Steve.

Joel Hedge: Why are we doing this again?

Ryu: Doing our good buddy Cid a favor.

Cid: Get this monkey off my back, Joel Hedge!

Joel Hedge: Are we... ah, never mind.

An owl flies down, landing on the branch of a nearby tree.

Amok Owl: I know what you just did up there.

Eugene: The reader has no idea what you're talking about, owl.

Steve: (apologetically) Sorry, reader.

Amok Owl: You're messing everything up! Some of us liked things just the way they were.

***

Celes draws her swords.

Link: Wait. Owl, it's too late. Look into the future.

Amok Owl: (not hiding his scorn) I have.

Link: So you...

Amok Owl: Not playing second fiddle for you in your new order. I'm a symbol of wisdom. (puffs out his chest-feathers)

Ryu: Yeh. For the simple-minded.

Joel Hedge: Things got kind of heavy all of a sudden, didn't they.

Steve: This ain't no 'fan-service.'

Joel Hedge: Ha. No, indeed.

Link: You're a 'wise owl,' you had to know it couldn't last.

Amok Owl: You think you're so smart. We've been stopping your kind for centuries.

Link: (sing-songy) You think I'm part of the lin-e-age?

Owl looks frightened for a second.

Amok Owl: (regains his composure) That's what they all say.

Link: Nice try. You know, I don't even like owls.

Joel Hedge: Ah, so that's what this is all about.

Zap laughs.

Ann starts dancing.

Eugene: So glad she's with us.

Ryu: mm.

***

Amok Owl: So, what? I'm supposed to read the writing on the wall, and join you? Sit on Celes' shoulder or something, I suppose.

Celes: Not happening.

Link: No. What did I just say? I don't like owls, I don't want you hanging around. You can go live with the seven sages. Sit in the branches of the Mana Tree. They get it.

Ann: (eyes closed) Be a caricature of wisdom, same as always. (spins)

Amok Owl: But everyone will know!

Ryu: And?

Celes: He's just used to his position, the way people don't question it.

Amok Owl: (yells) Don't psychoanalyze me!

***

Celes: No, it's more. He wants to use us for an image-upgrade.

Ann: Owl thinks we'll make him appear better this way. Refreshed. Re-immortalized.

Owl bristles, so angry he's lost his voice.

Celes: Stupid owl. I see how it is, now. (sheaths her swords) You came here looking to die.

***

Owl sits there, staring hard at them.

Steve: (thoughtfully) You know... we could get him a green costume. He could play the part of 'Haha Harry the Parakeet' in the surreal comic strip.

Joel Hedge: I don't know... he'll look like an owl in a parakeet suit.

Steve: Your point?

Joel Hedge: Why am I suddenly supposed to have a point.

Ryu: It's settled, then.

Link: (digs around in his bag, pulls out the Gust Jar, points it behind him and draws in some air) Go tell your 'friends,' owl.

Owl's curiosity gets the better of him. Snaps out of his bad attitude, speaking candidly.

Amok Owl: I have to know... how is it you avoided 'the latest and the greatest' of mind-snares?... (suddenly seeing. It looks like he just became free from the mind-snare, himself) oh, huh. Interesting. Well. This... changes things. For me.

Link: We'll talk. (gust of air blows out of the jar, knocking owl from his perch.)

Owl spreads his wings and flies away into the dark sky.

Zap: (clearly acting) What the hell just happened?

Ann: Cats bow.

Cats take bows.

------------

Dave: Alright?

Eugene: How's that, Cid.

Cid: No monkeys on mah back!

Eugene: You're sure, now.

Dave: Because we aren't doing this again.

Cid: No, I'm sure. You know, Eugene, that Amok is a good actor.

Eugene: I know, Cid. Hey, Amok.

Amok Owl flies over wearing a fishbowl-style space helmet, perches on Dave's shoulder.

Eugene: Space helmet, eh?

Amok: I'm getting with the changing times.

Dave: Can't wait to see you in your parakeet costume.

Eugene: I saw it. And yeah, it steals the show.

Dave: I bet.

Cid: Here, look:

hahaparakeeticonsize.jpg


Dave: heh. You're right, that's pretty good. We out of here?

Eugene: Up to Cid.

Cid: Yeah. What do you say, "Harry?"

Amok: Ha ha.
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Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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Re: Because we live in an absurdist sci-fi novel

Postby dada » Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:42 pm

-command area of the Timeline Runner.

Eugene in the pilot's seat, Cid at the navigator console. Celes at the weapons console, Bob at the comm. Zap and Macario work the emulator, Dave Khan and Steve Wagner lounge on the futon. Joel Hedge sits in the Shatner chair, reading the script.

Cid: How about... Crazy Climber!

Bob: ah, wh.. what?

Cid: Get with the program, Bob! Principals, of Vertical... Integration!

Bob: huh?

Eugene: Wrong thread, Cid.

Cid: Oh. Where are we?

Steve: That's our navigator.

***

Dave: I thought we weren't doing this again.

Steve: dat monkey on Cid's back.

Cid: Last one, I promise! So tell us, Joel Hedge, what does the script say at the top?

Joel Hedge: The 'Winner and Loser Script' scene.

Cid: Right! Now as you know, Eugene, there are winner scripts, and there are loser scripts.

Eugene: Give us an example, Cid.

Cid: I thought you'd ask! "The power elite is someone else," is an example of a loser script. But the way to accomplish things is with a winner's script! Now give us an example of a winner's script, Macario.

Macario: "I define the power elite as myself and my friends."

Joel Hedge: What if you're like Link, and you don't have any friends?

Steve: Ha!

Zap: (clearly acting) Oh Joel Hedge, what a thing to say! That's terrible!

Joel Hedge: It was in the script.

Steve: Was that in the script?

Joel Hedge: Yes.

Steve: And that?

Dave: Steve.

Steve: I know.

Dave: Don't start that again.

Steve: Alright.

Dave: He always does this.

Steve: Tell Macario to stop encouraging me.

Macario nods, smiling broadly.

***

Dave: Link's my friend. I love that guy.

Joel Hedge: So that means you and Link are the power elite.

Dave: You better believe it, Joel Hedge.

Cid: We're all Link's friends, here! Now, here's some basic winner and loser scripts, compiled by Bob.

Bob: What? I didn't... What?

Joel Hedge: Not you, Bob.

Steve: Different Bob, Bob.

Eugene: Relax, Bob, it'll all be over soon. Here, check this out. (throws Timeline Runner over into hover mode. On front-facing cam view, magnetic bars can be seen circling around equator of ship on a track)

Bob: That. Is freaking, awesome.

Celes: Bob. (Activates two of the option weapons, sets them to pulse wave, fires. Blue lasers ripple out into night sky)

Bob: Fffreaking. Awesome!

***

Joel Hedge: (reading ahead) huh. Link wrote this?

Cid: (looks around) Where is Link, anyway?

Eugene: In the back with the cool kids.

Zap: Doing their deep, heavy scene, man.

Cid: Oh yeah, that one's great! "Devil Crush a screen-burn maze!"

Joel Hedge: We're not sticking to the script, I see.

Cid: Okay, here's the first winner and loser scripts. The Bio-survival loser script: "I don't know how to defend myself."

Dave: Help Cid out, Kung fu Master Steve.

Steve: To defend yourself, first you must train. Be prepared, to defend yourself. Train your body. Train your mind. Be prepared, for anything. Understand this: You may fail. Be prepared for that.

Those who say, 'to die with your intention unrealized is to die uselessly,' are wrong. This is the teaching of weak schools.

Success and failure are not the concerns of the warrior. Be clear. Be one pointed in your focus. Be prepared for death at all times. This is the true path, of the warrior. In games... and in life.

***

Joel Hedge: That was beautiful.

Cid: Now, Zap! Give us the Bio-survival winner's script!

Zap: "I will live forever, or die trying."

Eugene: Zap will live forever, though.

Celes: We know this already for a fact.

Eugene: Using the most advanced science and technology, stuff that you wouldn't believe. At least fifty years ahead of anything you've even heard of.

Celes: He has clearance.

Zap: Celes!

Eugene: You know why?

Zap: Guys! Shut up.

Eugene: Chief of the Order of the Inner Eye.

Zap sighs.

Cid: He even has his own secret island with a volcano on it.

Zap: Enough!

***

Cid: heh. Second winner and loser script. The Emotional-Territorial loser script: "They all intimidate me."

Eugene: If I didn't know Dave, he would intimidate me.

Dave: Thanks, Eugene.

Steve: Anyone intimidate you, Dave?

Dave: Toad Lady Purrl. I would not want to mess with her. When we were in the somniorum arc chain, my powers didn't work right, but her's worked just fine.

Steve: That's true.

Dave: And the nine priestesses. It's like Eugene, if I didn't know them, I'd be intimidated. Also Beleth.

Steve: I'd have to agree. Celes intimidates me, too. All those overpowered weapons. Laser Satellite, Metal Gear. Bolt claws. What else.

Macario: The Big Fucking Gun.

Steve: Yes. The Big Fucking Gun.

Eugene: Celes is blushing.

Dave: You know who else intimidates me? Skew. He's got that black triangle device that can change anyone into anyone else and shit. Calls that giant dragon and the turtle with the tentacles, and they materialize out of thin air.

Cid: In case you're wondering, reader, Skew is Count Montesquieu Mogula. He's the avatar up there.

Joel Hedge: I thought I was the avatar.

Cid: I mean, he's the one in the picture at the top right of this post.

Joel Hedge: Ah.

***

Steve: Is it Skew, or just the black triangle device that intimidates you.

Dave: No, it's definitely him.

Steve: All of the characters who have meta-powers are a bit intimidating.

Dave: Yeah. Like Macario, here. He never uses his emergency story-breaking powers, but just knowing he has them...

Phone rings.

Joel Hedge: That will be the rabbit.

Bob: (looking at the comm) uh... what do I press?

Joel Hedge: It doesn't matter.

Celes: He's the narrator.

Timingway: Wrap it up.

Joel Hedge: Hey boss, Ryu says you have a hoppy halo. Is it true?

Silence.

Steve: Already gone.

Eugene: That's boss.

***

Joel Hedge: Why does he even bother calling?

Cid: Well, you heard him. Any other loser or winner scripts I should mention before we go?

Joel Hedge: I like winner script eight, "In the province of the mind..."

Cid: Oh, everyone knows that one, Joel Hedge! Hey Steve, bet you like winner script six, "I make my own coincidences, synchronicities, luck, and Destiny."

Steve: Just get lucky.

Macario: Don't forget winner script nine, "To create a world where anything is possible, yet still makes sense in the context of the narrative."

Zap nods.

Eugene: hm.

Cid: You can look the rest up, reader. (opens a drop-down menu on the nav computer, clicks mouse) See you... in part two!

Everyone groans and protests.

Eugene: Check this out, Bob. (pushes button. Needle in a gauge begins jumping erratically. Turns dial, pulls lever)

Jet engine revs in back bay. Blue light flashes in round windows, on screens. Different skies outside. Bob is speechless.
Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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