The RI Wacky Craigslist Ad thread

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Re: The RI Wacky Craigslist Ad thread

Postby Elvis » Thu May 09, 2013 8:26 pm

The first webpage I check each day is the local Craigslist "Musicians" category. Lately this one guy has been a hoot, posting long, detailed ads for musicians to play with, one even had a list of nine "my-way-or-the-highway" Rules that must be followed. Here's his most recent post, followed by one of several parodies posted by others:

Looking For A Seasoned Rock Guitarist (Bellingham)

The rock guitarist I'm looking for will be auditioning
on my $250 Ibanez and a tiny, nameless amp with a drive
pedal (good distortion).

The reason he/she will be using my gear is that I
want someone who isn't hooked on one particular guitar
(or make and model of guitar) they just can't play without.
That just has to be played through a particular amp at
a certain volume or the tone doesn't have the bite
they supposedly need, etc.

I want someone who understands that it's the player, not
the instrument (given a sound instrument).

Jimmy Page would sound great on my humble guitar kit. The
only thing he'd need for a larger venue would be a larger
amp.

So this person will be be happy as a clam using my gear (at
least this one time) and we'll have a great time playing
at acoustic volumes at every session. We are good musicians
and don't need to use high volumes to create the illusion of
good music.

(Is there anyone who _really_ believes that people didn't rock
out before amplifiers were invented? Ever notice that those
great rock tunes still sound great when played at low
volumes on a CD player sitting on a nearby table? Rock is a
_feeling_, not a volume level.)

When it comes time to play a larger venue, we'll just use a
simple, full-spectrum PA. Any effects will be on pedalboards,
so any decent amp(s) will do.

And this guitarist has to like playing and singing tunes from
bands like Jefferson Airplane, the Animals, the Rolling Stones,
Led Zeppelin, CCR, The Who, the Moody Blues, Jethro Tull,
Blackfoot, Iron Butterfly, Quicksilver Messenger Service...

This is for a band. Not a weekly combination of sloppy performance
and party (jam session). Practices will be basically closed.
The band will be electric: keys, guitar, guitar, and bass. All
covers. Looking for performers, not songwriters. Cellphones
are OFF in the studio (not on vibrate: OFF).

So far, almost every player who has responded to my ad has
pretended to be interested in my project at first, and then
revealed their own, highly divergent, agenda. So please, read
the above ad carefully before emailing me. I mean every word.
If you want to form your own band in line with your own musical
ideals, please just post an ad and lay your cards on the table.

Note added later: I don't know why someone is posting multiple
responses to this ad on the list. They've never emailed me, so
there's obviously no point in even reading those posts.

What I dropped by to say is that I have one guitarist answering the
above description, and need one more. Come on, Bellingham,
you can do it.!

I've never played in a band that didn't work all weekend, every weekend....


That's funny enough, but here's a witty, publicly-posted response:

Seeking Well Hung Rock Guitarist ((Bellingham))

Looking For A Well Hung Rock Guitarist (Bellingham)
The rock guitarist I'm looking for will be auditioning
in my $18 Old Navy, 180 thread count, cotton flannel jammy bottoms with draw_string_only for waist support.

The reason he/(she) will be using my jammy bottoms is that I
want someone who isn't hooked on one particular trouser style
(or fabric and cut) they just can't pose without.
That just has to be worn with a particular elastic tension, with
a certain zipper or the pee-pee flap doesn't have the contour
they supposedly need, etc.

I want someone who understands that it's the poser_ who_ makes_ the_ spandex, not vice versa.

Jimmy Page would look great in my humble jammy bottoms. The
only thing he'd need for a larger venue would be a fitted ankle hem.

So this person will be be happy as a clam using my jammies (at
least this one time) and we'll have a great time posing with natural positions and movements at every session. We are good musicians
and don't need to use highly choreographed stage moves to create the illusion of
good music.

(Is there anyone who _really_ believes that people didn't rock
out before spandex was invented? Ever notice that those
great rockers still look great in off the rack denim? Rock is a
_feeling_, not an illusion created with a prosthetic dummy slug)

When it comes time to play a larger venue, we'll just use a
sturdy 80/20 cotton-poly blend.. Any lycra will be on waistbands only.

And this guitarist has to like playing and posing in trousers including but not limited to the likes of Levy, Wrangler, Carhart, Dickies, as well as select European imports and the occasional Sarong.

This is for a band. Not a weekly combination of sloppy pagentry
and alteration session. So far, almost every player who has responded to my ad has
pretended to be interested in my project at first, and then
revealed their own, highly divergent wardrobe. So please, read the above ad carefully before emailing me. I mean every word.

If you want to form your own band in line with your own costuming
ideals, please just post an ad and lay your tights on the table.


:lol2:
“The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.” ― Joan Robinson
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Re: The RI Wacky Craigslist Ad thread

Postby ShinShinKid » Mon May 13, 2013 2:39 pm

I don't check it first thing, but I like to check it out once every other day or so. I also look at the artists, and classes sections, you might enjoy this:

LET'S TAKE BONG HITS AND PLAY KAZOOS (TUCSON)

WE CAN ALSO ADD IN SOME FINGER-CHIMES TO THE MIX.

MAYBE I CAN LEARN A FEW THINGS FROM YOU, AND VICE VERSA.

PROFESSIONAL KAZOO PLAYERS ONLY, PLEASE EMAIL ME....THANKS....
Well played, God. Well played".
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Re: The RI Wacky Craigslist Ad thread

Postby Iamwhomiam » Thu May 23, 2013 2:01 am

My first venture into this thread was reading Elvis' post, which is just too funny!

Somebody from the Kazoo player's union should ask if they're paying scale.
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Re: The RI Wacky Craigslist Ad thread

Postby ShinShinKid » Fri May 24, 2013 12:04 pm

Image
Well played, God. Well played".
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