by LilyPatToo » Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:45 pm
I hear you, Col. It's not a coincidence that so many of us here are survivors of all kinds of tough beginnings and later trauma too. I think that when a person awakens from the societal daze that passes for consciousness and sees the deep rot and casual tragedy surrounding us, it's a sane response to an insane reality. And since we can only listen to so much banal babble before our eyes glaze over, we find our way here or find a new drug or a new religion--anything to make sense of our lives. Me, I think RI is a healthier response to depression/world weariness than anything else I've tried. I may not always agree with my fellow posters, but damn it's nice not having to explain why I'm other-than-happy so much of the time.
It's now been close to 2 months since my very best and oldest friend inexplicably had a bizarre personality transplant and went from belief and compassion for my awful past and current DID to an oddly flippant scorn for both. She's a Buddhist and (until now) the most calm, reasonable, kind person I've ever known...and we've known each other for over a quarter of a century. She was my rock and used to joke that she was my external hard drive, since she remembered bad things that happened that my own mind erased almost immediately via dissociation. The loss of validation was brutal and to watch completely alien expressions flit across what used to be a loved, familiar face is chilling.
Like the wise Hammer of Los, I retreat into The Breath and let it tie me to my center in this unwanted new reality. From DBT I take "It is what it is" and I also dig in the garden every day, pulling weeds and gathering seeds like a woman possessed. And I'm building a lean-to onto the shed I built years back--all of which ground me and teach me to work with my frustratingly older body. If you don't have a garden, maybe you could try sitting on the grass in a park or a backyard. Maybe try the wonderful Pagan shorthand for getting into a tree-like earth-centered state: "Roots down! Branches up!" I wish you total success, because I love to see your posts and want you to find the happiness/peace you deserve.
LilyPat
