If you feel like sharing regrets, it could be cathartic to all. I dunno. I just have to release to the Universe and somehow make amends with what I feel badly for. We all have them.
I did nothing to hurt you. We had a fine night. I just can't play
ball with this shit anymore -- the shit you pull. We're either "a
team" or we're not. I wouldn't even be saying this were it not for
your family's firm handed approach to being "correct" or some shit. I
tell my parents to fuck off and will till the day they or I die. I
tell my brother to fuck off. Do you think this is because of an
insane sense of family life? Fuck no. But when I say I am going to
go get mayonnaise at the (redacted), it's because I fucking looked at the
price at PCC. I can pay for the side of Mayo on Weds at the (redacted).
You're the one with your ideas and I'm the one with mine, but about
mayo, is just fucking stupid and you started it all and then blamed me
for not going for it. I explained to you why. Still. Doesn't
matter. I wasn't gonna go back into the fucking kitchen and get
ingredients in the sense of "looting the place". I fucking told you
what the (redacted) had and that for your purposes it would have been no
problem had I been working.
I also spoke to you about how much I appreciate you tonight, That
doesn't matter either. Nothing matters but you. Well, nothing
matters but me either. You're lame and had no need to blow this out
of proportion,
Define cool, you once said on one of your junkets into insanity. If
you can't "define" it, you straight up can't. But you know what cool
is. Jackie said it tonight best, when talking about her date boy:
girls are insane.
Why must you be? I didn't do anything besides react to you. I didn't
say a damned thing and didn't do a damned thing.
This is wearing very thin. Seriously, if you even remotely love me as
you possibly lie to me saying you do, then you'll fucking be cool.
EDIT:
Now I've spoken to you and now I'm mad. Well done. You're passed the
fuck out and I'm still kickin' it, cos, who's the crunk? I drink
because of anxiety management. I drink because I like it. I drink.
It's not an issue. I don't fucking drink at work. A sip of beer is
nothing. You went to motherfucking Germany. A sip of beer is
nothing. It's not shots. I know it makes you feel better, but it
makes me feel worse. Every motherfucker in our lives or who gave us
our lives drinks. I don't need the bullshit. Do I drink caffeine?
Nope. Well get with the program. If you even remotely love me,
you'll chill the fuck out (not pass out like your drunk ass is right
now) and accuse me of drinking too much. You drink too much and all
issues of drinking and us together SWARM around your behavior when you
drink. You have also always blamed all that on me. I just chill and
hang out. You kick me out of bed, you walk away from me like I'm a
mute, wear your attitude on your sleeves, you do as you wish. I've
looked out for your alcohol consumption. I've been told that I ruined
a birthday of yours just because you got so shit faced you couldn't
control yourself. I made excuses for you to make it so common friends
get along for the future. Have you made excuses for me? Perhaps.
But only because I ain't no anal ass motherfucker who can't take a
joke. But when I am offended by lameness, I say so.
I look out for you and you for me, but this is bullshit, and I won't
put up with it much longer. It isn't a threat, as I do not want it to
come to pass, but I am about done. When I told you last I loved you,
which is now, I believe love to be forever, but it really doesn't seem
that way with you. If you will not "bend" then nor will I. I already
have, I'll do it again, but there needs to be some meeting in the
middle. I told you I'm down with the "morning hard on" thing. Well,
I'm not anymore, because you toss me out of bed like I'm some kind of
asshole and it completely turns my weirdo mostly non-sexual shit off.
Go find another guy and good luck, I'm sure he'll be awesome and deal
coke or cross dress or some shit.
But since you're passed out pissed drunk, I guess I will have to wait.
Just remember "mayo" "being lame" and "PCC". All of it stupid and
you fully made me mad. You knew I couldn't get all that shit at the
(redacted). But now that your hysterical shit got your brother involved
well then, now it's a whole 'nother can of worms. Well done,
drunkard. Didn't have to remotely be this way, but since I'm the
"drinker" and not passed the fuck out, I'm the one who gets to
remember it.
Bummer dude. Why the fuck did I do that? Obviously, anger. But why?
I so shouldn't have. . .
There was a better way to handle my feelings. I didn't do it the better way.
No judgments, just regrets. I did take it all back in like two days and apologized. But obviously, the damage was done.