by Project Willow » Wed Oct 16, 2013 2:51 pm
I recently attended a dinner party that had me thinking about the younger generation's usage of the "like" qualifier. I only knew the host of the party and was seated at a table of complete strangers. They were all women in my general age range. We engaged in the usual sorts of conversations, the weather, recent news events, and eventually, world views that tangentially tied us together with the host. I always feel extremely uncomfortable interacting with people whom I don't know. Some level of discomfort in these scenarios is fairly universal, but I had been cooped up in my house alone for several days, working, making art, and dealing with the extraordinary circumstances of my life, so I felt even more an alien to the other women that night.
I noticed something that put me off, more than usual. When one of them would make a statement, regardless of the subject she was addressing, she would assert herself as if she were an expert, as if having read one news story, a book, or a blog, she could state without reservation that this or that plant only grows in this region, for example. The authoritativeness, the unqualified confidence disturbed me. It felt as if each women was delivering a speech, lesson, or debate point, and not engaging in casual conversation. There was no verbal or non-verbal acknowledgement that she might not be the only participant acquainted with her chosen topic or its sources. It was very uncomfortable, and it took me great deal of time to join in. When I did, I must have qualified my own statements, as the others felt the need to explain and expand my point for me if they happened to agree.
On the way home on the bus, I sat nearby to group of young teenagers. I overheard their conversation, and it was peppered as usual by the tiresomely overused "like" qualifier, the word inserted before nearly every thought or recollection. The contrast in style between these exchanges and the conversation I'd just engaged in could not have been more stark. I thought back to the many times I witnessed my parent's generation in casual interactions. I remembered that the women, as well as the men, mediated their assertions with introductory phrases such as "They say that", or "I read in the paper today". Does anyone else remember this was so? With the possible exception of incidents of mansplaining or other exchanges between perceived non-equals, no one postured as an expert, unless they were discussing their direct experience.
I wondered if the younger generation's inability to speak authoritatively on any subject, including their direct life experience, might be an over reaction to their parents having adopted a style of exchange that is wholly absent of any mediation and qualifiers. My generation, perhaps as a by-product of the ubiquity of information in the age of the Internet, seems to have forgotten the danger of certainty, or thrown it aside in service to dominance posturing. Perhaps the younger generation is unconsciously opposing this equally frustrating conversational bravado, especially considering we've so entirely fucked up the world for them.
