Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

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Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby Elvis » Fri May 15, 2015 3:45 am


Nation’s Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate


NEWS
January 22, 2015
Vol 51 Issue 03 News · History

Image
Historians claim that they themselves and even their report will eventually be subsumed into the ever-enlarging past.

WASHINGTON—Painting a stark portrait of a phenomenon that appears to be irreversible, a report published Thursday by the American Historical Association has found that the past is currently expanding at an alarming rate.

The comprehensive 950-page study, compiled by a panel of the nation’s most prominent historians, warns that the sum total of past time grows progressively larger each day, making it unlikely anything can be done to halt, or even slow down, the relentless trend.

“We believe the past is larger now than it’s ever been before,” said College of William and Mary professor Timothy Gibbon, lead author of the report, observing that whole generations of people have already become a part of history, and that if nothing changes, an untold number more can expect the same fate. “Many things that are in the past today were, during our parents’ and grandparents’ time, still in the present—or even the future. Based on precise measurements of its size, we believe the past has subsumed every single person and event that has ever existed.”

“It’s shocking to contemplate, but in the relatively short stretch since 1984, when I first began tracking its growth, the past has expanded by more than 30 years,” he added.

The report predicted this disturbing pattern will only continue, with one occurrence after another becoming part of a “colossal” historical record that, by all indications, appears intent on seizing absolutely everything without any discrimination. To date, nothing, no matter how significant, has been able to escape the past, which historians say has taken hold of episodes as momentous as the invention of the printing press, the execution of Louis XVI, numerous ice ages, the westward expansion of the United States, and the year 1995, among billions of others.

“This massive, unrestricted accrual of time is quickly becoming unmanageable—it’s growing bigger and bigger even now as I speak,” said Gibbon, who confirmed the past grew by more than six months in the time it took to research and write the new report. “Presidential administrations, extinct species, ancient empires—all have been claimed by a relentless past. There was some speculation that World War II would end history, but it didn’t.”

“Neither did the moon landing, the signing of the Magna Carta, the formation of Pangaea, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the fall of the Ming dynasty, the breaking apart of Pangaea, or the discovery of the Higgs boson,” he continued. “Indeed, these events have only served to make the past even larger.”

The report went on to state that concerns over the expanding past were outweighed only by fears about the future, which is assumed to become vanishingly small with each passing moment.



:shock: :wowsign: :threadhijacked: :signwhut:
“The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.” ― Joan Robinson
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby coffin_dodger » Fri May 15, 2015 4:50 am

I wonder where it's all going? I suppose that as the past expands, the future shrinks to make way for the bloat. Perhaps if we re-write the past down to the lowest common denominator, the future will have more room.
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby coffin_dodger » Sat May 16, 2015 5:02 pm

The most succinct I could condense 'the past' into is -

"Our side is right and your side is wrong"

Expanding past, my arse.

Assuming the future follows in the footsteps of the past, we now got plenty of room all round.
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby justdrew » Sat May 16, 2015 7:49 pm

Statistics show that in just the past decade some ten years of current events have slid, inexorably and forevermore, into the past.
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby Lord Balto » Thu Jun 04, 2015 10:55 am

Have you ever watched The Thirteenth Floor? The real question is, does anything exist beyond the purview of a human observer? And as for "the past" existing in any real sense, that's an assumption with little support beyond "artifacts" that actually exist in the present rather than the past. One could easily define a universe in terms of an ever changing present with no real past or future in the mechanistic scientific sense.
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby coffin_dodger » Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:25 am

Have you ever watched The Thirteenth Floor?

No, there are very few tall buildings where I live. What happens? :wink

One could easily define a universe in terms of an ever changing present with no real past or future in the mechanistic scientific sense.


...care to give it a go?
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby Elvis » Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:51 pm

Maybe The Onion should do a corollary article, "As the present displaces the future, futurists fear they will have nothing left to study."
“The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.” ― Joan Robinson
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby zangtang » Mon Jun 08, 2015 4:22 pm

increasingly self-important presentists observed smirking & heard to repoert :
'not my problem,mate'
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby Iamwhomiam » Wed Jun 17, 2015 10:40 pm

I wonder where it's all going?


Don't know abut yours, but mine's being sucked into a black hole!
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Re: Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Postby Nordic » Sat Aug 01, 2015 3:37 am

My own past is certainly expanding, right into my gut. It's impossible to return to its past levels. It must be due to this phenomenon, so I thank the OP for this article which explains it.

I no longer need to feel guilt.

The future must be represented by my cartilage, since it is shrinking especially between my vertebrae and in my knees.

The only way out of this: to reproduce.
"He who wounds the ecosphere literally wounds God" -- Philip K. Dick
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