by banned » Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:35 am
...I dislike everyone exactly the same amount.<br><br>blacks: come on. Rap isn't music! But I do like Nat "King" Cole. And hip hop dance is awesome. Bust a move! Yeah!<br><br>Whites: more ugly people than any other race, especially in bathing suits without tans. And if there's cellulite too--bleah. They mostly can't dance, and when they try to act enthusiastic about black culture, like, say, hip hop, they're kind of pathetic. Unless they're Bill Clinton.<br><br>Muslims: their best days were around the ninth century, though Moorish Spain was cool. Maybe they should spend less time blowing shit up and more time being more like Moorish Spain. Look at all the stars with Arabic names. They figured that stuff out while Europeans were painting themselves blue. Shape up, Muslims, live up to your potential, or you're grounded. <br><br>Gays: I can't tell a lie, the nellie queens wear on me after about half an hour. Hey, how do you set the table at a gay dinner party? Fork on the left, spoon on the right, knife in the back, dish dish dish. I'm all for equal rights, and if they want to marry fine (kinda behind the curve if you ask me, straights are more into divorce these days) but I don't want to think about the butt stuff.<br><br>Hindus: Friend of mine thought his Indian doctor disliked him, I thought he was being paranoid. One day I overheard him say "Dr. Raju, why don't you people just EAT all those cows? Then you wouldn't be starving anymore." I said "Kurt, Dr. Raju DOES hate you. Don't let him put you under a general anesthetic." But, PC aside, they really SHOULD eat all those cows.<br><br>Atheists: Isn't it kind of sad if the biggest thing in your life is NOT believing in God? I mean, imagine someone making a big deal and bringing court cases because they don't believe in the tooth fairy or leprechauns. Get a life. PS I'm an atheist. <br><br>Old people: Whine a lot, smell bad, high maintenance. Why don't they just die and leave their kids all their money, before they get Alzheimers and don't know the kid from a box of Post Toasties? Besides, they're gonna break Social Security. You just watch. I'm a Boomer, but if I was 30, I wouldn't work my can off to keep my generation in Pampers.<br><br>Babies: Whine a lot, smell bad, high maintenance. We've already got enough people, and I'll be jiggered how some couples conclude that they have enough on the ball to justify xeroxing themselves. People should just get a dog or cat. <br><br>Dogs: My only complaints are when the owner doesn't pick up poop, or lets one of them bite someone's throat out. That makes all dogs look bad, when it should make the owners look bad.<br><br>Cats: Rule. Period.<br><br>Birds: Love to watch them. I have a chart listing all the types I've ever seen. One day I heard two crows talking about their lists, one mentioned a "grey haired blue breasted dumpy female with an ass that needed a 'Wide Load' sign." I was wearing a blue T shirt. I don't like crows anymore.<br><br>Trees. Can't think of much to criticize about trees, even if they do contribute to air pollution. They give shade, paper, fruit--look, if someone INVENTED something that versatile, they'd get the Nobel Prize. Almost makes you believe in Intelligent Design. Only downside is deciduous trees in your neighbor's yard that overhang yours and have to be raked. You'd be able to complain if your neighbor hung over your fence and dropped stuff, but trees, you have to put up with. Well, there's worse stuff, like being insulted by crows. Never been insulted by a tree. Did have a friend from the Caribbean whose fiancee was killed when a coconut fell on his head. She didn't blame the tree.<br><br>Well, if there's anyone I haven't somehow managed to insult or piss off with the foregoing, I apologize. I tried really hard, but I'm in a pretty good mood tonight. Catch me after Road Rage or "Lost" getting preempted for Bush to talk, and I can be significantly more caustic. <p></p><i></i>