No "BUY" List Coming Soon???

[Floyd Smoots]

I'm sure many of you R.I.'ers are by now, familiar with the Department of Homeless inSecurity's infamous "No Fly List". While I was just now explaining it to my son-in-law, which he quite understood when I was done, I started this conversational thread with him.<br><br>The progression of thought goes as follows:<br><br>1. First, for God-only-knows, WHAT reason, you are placed "discreetly" on the "No Fly List".<br><br>2. Later, because you still remain loyal to "We The People", in spite of all you are supposed to have learned about "terror-isn't", you are then placed on the "No Gettin' On A Frappin' Greyhound Bus List".<br><br>3. If you continue in your foolish patriotic love for your fellow countrymen (& women), and goodfolk acquantainces from other (Furrin) countries, you will be placed on a "No Fare List" with all your local taxicab companies. Learn to stick out your thumb with elan.<br><br>4. If you Still haven't given up your "Jehad-Liberal, Commie Rat Bastard, Homo Sapien-Loving" ways, you will be placed on the "NO BUY LIST" with ALL new and used car dealerships, in ALL FIFTY of these disconnected, Untied States uv Amerika (and probably Canada & Mexico, too). In other words, "No, damnfool, yo' ass cain't buy no car!!! W'ut wuz yo' dumb ass thinkin'? Huh?? Iz yoo stoopid??? We don't CARE whut ya brung ta trade in! Git a dam' skateboard if'n you needs ta go somewhars!!!<br><br>5. When you FINALLY Still don't get the message, you will, Alas, be placed on the "No Shoe List". You will not even be able to buy a pair of used shoes from your local clothing charity's Thrift Shoppe. When that happens, before your last pair of Nikes, Reeboks, Adidases, or "Wally World" knockoffs wear out, I recommend this, last, best tactic. Find a good BFR (Big Frapping Rock), smash out the window of the nearest liquor store, grab all you can, and then Run Like Hell to your nearest hideout and enjoy it before "They Come To Take You Away, Ha-Ha"!!!<br><br>Words of Wisdom Courtesy Of:<br>Crazy Ol' Uncle Floyd<br> <p></p><i></i>

[antiaristo]

Floyd,<br>Are you trying to corner the Fire Pit market?<br><br>The Duke of Wellington (of Waterloo, 1815) was a fearsome opponent of road building. He believed reduced mobility was the key to keeping the working classes under the thumb.<br><br>USuk are going backwards at a terrible pace. <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

Yeah, anti, I hear you, but did you at least get a "grin or two" out of it??? As far as "market cornering" is concerned, I figure I might as well post my "new, improved" thoughts here, and save our benefactor, Jeffrey, the trouble of having to move our "Rigorous Dis-informational" distractions here. No more complicated than that. By the way, old chap, whatever happened to "scolon"? Haven't heard any of his "flammatory" for it seems like weeks now.<br><br>Thanks for the info about Ol' Duke Wellie. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me. He must have been "scott-tissue right" or somthing similar, don't you know. Both of us would have probably been happy to "wipe our arses" with his ilk.<br> <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

.... Damn, antiaristo, I had to read your post THREE times before I got the pun. Untied States plus untied kingdom = USuk, or "You Suck". Surely you did it "on purpose" and I just missed it for a "beat or two". It couldn't have actually been just happenstance, could it? I think you probably sent it out that way purposefully. I HOPE you did, 'cause that'd make you a far, far better PUNisher than my miserable self.<br> <p></p><i></i>

[antiaristo]

Floyd, <br>Can't claim it as my own.<br>Comes from an excellent commentator at the Moon of Alabama by name of Debs is Dead.<br>Yeah, you guessed it: a man. <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

....Where IS that tiresome bitch "scoldilocks"??? I've ALMOST, but not quite, missed his/her? disparagement of just about anything that anyone posts here on R.I.<br><br>I appreciate, like yourself, actually crediting someone else who has inspired us with their words, and giving them their rightful credit. I must confess, however, my complete ignorance (hey, NONE of us knows everything) of "Moon of Alabama by name of Debs is Dead". Sorry, friend, but it's "missing from my harddrive".<br> <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

....Don't any of the "rest of you" EVER visit The Fire Pit, even out of curiosity? If you do, have you NO opinions to vent on the discourse hereabouts??? C'mon, bloginators, DON'T let me and antiaristo "hog" this thread just 'cause I started it!!!<br><br>Da Floydinator<br> <p></p><i></i>

[Col Quisp]

Hope it's a good-un! <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

Thanks very much Colonel Q.! I had a good day at work, and now, I'm just chilling out here at R.I. with a beer or five, and "talking with my worldwide homefolks" (including you). Our office "Gal Friday" (who REALLY runs the place) brought me a sausage biscuit for my birthday breakfast. The "boss' dotter", not to be terribly outdone, bought me a chocolate-covered doughnut for my lunch dessert, and late this afternoon, E.S.T., the boss himself, returning from his regular Wednesday golf day, brought me a chocolate fudge sundae from our local Dairy Queen.<br><br>All in all, it has been a most excellent fifty-eighth birthday. I hope YOU, also had a lovely day, birthday or not.<br><br>Electronic Luv 'n' Such,<br>Grandpa Floyd<br> <p></p><i></i>

[Col Quisp]

In honor of Floyd, here's a coupla redneck jokes:<br><br> FARWOOD<br><br> "Hello, is this here the sheriff's office?"<br> "Yes. What can I do for you?"<br><br> I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith.<br> He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"<br><br> "Thank you very much for the call, sir."<br><br> The next day, the sheriff & his deputies descend on<br> Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is<br> kept. Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find<br> no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.<br><br> The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil!<br> This here is Floyd. Did the sheriff come?"<br><br> "Yeah!"<br><br> "Did they split yer farwood?"<br><br> "Yep!"<br><br> Happy Birthday, buddy!"<br><br> (Who says rednecks aren't bright?!)<br><br>Subject: Talking Dog<br><br> A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign<br> in front of a house:<br> "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the<br> owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy<br> goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever<br> sitting there.<br><br> "You talk?" he asks.<br><br> "Yep," the Lab replies.<br><br> "So, what's your story?"<br><br> The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that<br> I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to<br> help the government, so I told the CIA about my<br> gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from<br> country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and<br> world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be<br> eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable<br> spies for eight years running."<br><br> "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I<br> knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to<br> settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to<br> do some undercover security wandering near<br> suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered<br> some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of<br> medals."<br><br> "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm<br> just retired."<br><br> The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the<br> owner what he wants for the dog.<br><br> "Ten dollars," the guy says.<br><br> "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are<br> you selling him so cheap?"<br><br> "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that."<br><br> <p></p><i></i>

[Floyd Smoots]

Col Quisp, thanks for the birthday jokes. I didn't get to read them 'til lunchtime today at work, but they were a hoot!<br><br>Cousin Floyd <br><!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <p></p><i></i>