Bryant's Franklin Book Released

[LilyPatToo]

psynapz, I'm glad you posted about sw's rough draft, it made me realize that I needed to as well. I'd been hesitating to do so for a number of reasons, but I did share it with a small group of program survivors with whom I'm in touch. We were all completely flabbergasted by sw's courage in pursuing her case, especially given the fact that she works for the government. And to us too it's HUGE, which is why we all fell mute after reading it and thinking about the ramifications....

chiggerbit, memories surface when they surface and, for a time, the current one (or the best-remembered one) can dominate any attempt to convey a whole, coherent story. If my friend who knows what I've remembered didn't have an excellent memory herself, my story would sound like a hopeless jumble. Sometimes the parts of me who are uppermost can recall only their own limited histories and abuse. If I were to talk to someone who doesn't know me, at any given time it might sound as though my trauma consisted solely of their experiences. But in reality it was much more complex and extensive than that.

sw, I'm so glad you're talking about the hard, cold fact that what survivors post on the internet IS tracked. It sounds so paranoid to state that, but it's absolutely true. And not just RI, either. Back in the fall of 2004, I was posting on what I now believe to be a "flypaper site" used to attract and collect information on survivors who have certain specific screen memories and/or memories of psychic testing/experimentation. Just weeks after a very vocal survivor showed up and began explaining that to the board and I posted in response, my house was entered twice and my computer searched.

Every single file I had on the mind control programs was left open on my desktop. And, on their second visit, after I'd failed to heed the first warning, a little faerie figurine I cherished was left smashed under the desk, its wings broken off and an ugly black scuff mark from a hard-soled shoe on its face.

But, as Project Willow says above, here I am--nearly 5 years later--after having posted many, many more specific memories of my own, yet I'm still breathing, walking around and actively trying to verify those memories. In my case, it was less courage and more a case of sheer rage at the all intrusions into my life that has motivated me to go on posting and looking for answers. Each time they upped the retaliation, I upped the frequency of my posting. Though I'll admit that the times they played "freeway tag" (surrounded me and, once, repeatedly bumped the bumper of my car--at 65 mph) it did scare me into brief silence. Ditto for the half dozen scary public confrontations with program people over the years, but the paralyzing fear never lasts for long--anger puts it into perspective and I get back into gear.

Project Willow:

I don't think you need worry about ending up in a camp. We principle actors are still walking around shooting off our mouths, in however measured and limited ways, or even misleading ways (that can be and often is part of mc, regardless of intentions). None of this activity has any effect on the criminal networks, they continue unabated, and we here on this little old board are marginalized as tin-foilers. It's no big deal.

Truer words... And since some of us were also used in drug and radiation experiments years ago, I think they may be counting on us dying before we get our hands on a single solid piece of proof, too. We're so pitifully easy to discredit that I really doubt if any of the people assigned to follow-up on us lose much sleep over what we post online. Which irritates the hell out of me. I don't like being marginalized or having ignorant people mirror back 50 years of "social engineering" and dismiss what I say as paranoid delusion. I'm glad to hear that Amnesty International is aware of the reality of this form of human trafficking. I tried posting anonymously on another human rights activist site about things I'd experienced and was completely ignored/frozen out.

But as long as we persevere, people are slowly becoming informed about things they were never meant to know. Each person like sw or hava who finds the courage to formally report on what happened to them, we all move a tiny bit closer to disclosure. Just, everyone, plz be aware that any site that attracts survivors of organized abuse will be monitored. For me, that means no names of perps posted, but most other details seem fairly safe to make public.

LilyPat

[sw]

I had sent Renee Fredrickson a copy of my book years ago. I had contacted her saying thank you for writing her book about Repressed Memories. In 1992, my boss at ATF Regulatory Enforcement, had gotten me this book after he guessed that I had repressed memories. Count him as a caring soul who was a godsend to me. He retired after 42 years about seven years ago. Anyway, this boss gave me Renee Fredrickson's book and I was really shocked. I told him there was no way I had repressed memories of being abused because no one "forgets" stuff like that.

I read the book and it was as if the whole things chronicled my life and me. It was after reading that book that I got into therapy. My therapist's name had been in the forward as someone who helped people like me. That was 17 years ago.

Okay, back to Renee Fredrickson. She sent me a letter saying thanks for the nice Thank you. She said the book ruined her life. It was like painting a big target on her chest. She contacted me years later saying that her house was broken into and the only thing missing was the book I had mailed her.

I'd rather live even one day as a free soul than all the days of a long life as a fearful slave.

PS - Thank you Lily Pat for your kind words.

PSS - I forwarded an image to Jeff that I hope he posts soon. I went to Kinko's this morning and had them scan my Secretary of the Treasury award. I asked him if he could post it and photo-shop out my name. My photo is okay to put there but I am not ready today to have my full name out there. Does Jeff still use the Rigorous Intuition mailbox that is from his homepage? That is where I sent it.

[Searcher08]

PSS - I forwarded an image to Jeff that I hope he posts soon. I went to Kinko's this morning and had them scan my Secretary of the Treasury award. I asked him if he could post it and photo-shop out my name. My photo is okay to put there but I am not ready today to have my full name out there.

sw,
Given that visual search technology is advancing very rapidly indeed, I would very strongly advise that if you wish to maintain anonymity you absolutely do NOT post pictures of yourself.

S08

[Project Willow]

I had sent Renee Fredrickson a copy of my book years ago. I had contacted her saying thank you for writing her book about Repressed Memories. In 1992, my boss at ATF Regulatory Enforcement, had gotten me this book after he guessed that I had repressed memories. Count him as a caring soul who was a godsend to me. He retired after 42 years about seven years ago. Anyway, this boss gave me Renee Fredrickson's book and I was really shocked. I told him there was no way I had repressed memories of being abused because no one "forgets" stuff like that.

Wow, I hate to say this, especially on a public board, but SW, knowing you have worked all this time for a government agency, and at times with special clearances, I couldn't help but think of the early subjects, like when Estabrooks was first working, where they pulled military personnel. I can't help but wonder if your normative career was not that far from your clandestine one. Do you have any inklings about that? I am just curious if you've considered the possibility as awful as that would be. Regardless, what a gesture by your boss.

[sw]

No one needs me to realize it happened. The govt already said it happened and testimony from way more credible people than myself have gone forward to say it happened.

I wanted to be able to say, I did something. Now, I can be at peace and go on with my life knowing I tried.

[Project Willow]

Apologies for asking about sensitive stuff on the board, sw. You did a lot, and you should be proud.

[sw]

No, pw, that was a totally legit question. I wondered about this too when I figured out my past.

I think if I had not been raped and tortured my entire childhood, I might have turned out to be a mix between the Julie Andrews role from Sound of Music and Pippi Longstocking.

I hope and pray that I get one of the many jobs I have applied for at the UN or one of the NGO organizations that go to other countries trying to help women and children victims of rape and other rights violations.

I have always appreciated your comments and observations, more than you could ever know.

[bks]

sw wrote:

The same day that the Secret Service had done their search of my duplex that I rented, something else strange happened. Another person who lived at the same duplex had come home for lunch that day about 15 minutes after I had left back for work with the agents who had just searched my home. She is someone who is ultra aware of her surroundings so she noticed it right away when she pulled up to her parking space and saw a non descript white van with no advertising of any type sitting in the alley behind my duplex up on the grass that borders my backyard area. She said the two white men were in casual business dress. They were both standing facing our duplex looking at the duplex. She said one of the men had a clipboard and was doing what she thought was some kind of sketch of the building because of the way he was holding the clipboard and drawing looking back and forth as he drew. She said after about 20 minutes, they drove off. They were only interested in our place not anyone else in the alley or street.

You are brave to recount your story, sw, and as someone who also (wrongly) once held powerful institutions in high esteem, I'm very appreciative of the detail and care you supplied.

May I ask: what do you suspect was the meaning of the white van activity described above?

[sw]

bks: who knows. It is an older duplex in an area where they like to take the older houses and add on to them making huge mansions on the lots. Maybe the landlord was thinking of a tear down or add on to make money.

It's kind of unusual though to not have advertising on the vehicle but not unheard of.

I think the timing freaked out the tenant.

[Free]

sw- Just read your draft...wow...I'm in awe of your courage. It's very clear and well written. Thanks for what you're doing.

Every survivor that dedicates themselves to remembering and healing, then moves through the difficulties and roadblocks and goes public with their story is a treasure.

Sending you love and encouragement.

[Project Willow]

- If the goal is to get American citizens to wake up and begin paying attention to what is happening right in front of their eyes everyday, then this book is critical because it has provided a lucid and cohesive model for what it looks like when a "normal" person begins to engage with issues, histories, crimes and, well, conspiracies that have long been diminished of credibility and wholly dismissed as "conspiracy theory." It shows what good critical thinking looks like even when wading through swamps of cognitive dissonance, how it appears when someone has essentially their entire accepted paradigm for civil society demolished and rebuilt. Not to mention it demonstrates that the impulse towards researching "conspiracy" is both a moral imperative and reflects patriotism of the highest order.

I don't know if that's a third point or an incredibly succinct and well written composite of the central issues. Send it to the author and his publisher, will ya?

I obviously agree, the book is a milestone.

[Project Willow]

Trailer for documentary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aqA4Shsjhk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uLvY3oHCiA&feature=fvw

[hava1]

somehow i missed this thread. i checked the website of the book, seems very important, and comrehensive. I don't see any info on the journalist, but he seems mainstream enough to grant more sanity to the whole issue and credibility, sort of bridging it from "internet conspiracy" to mainstream facts.

I used to read SW's initial posts here when you started the process of complaints and information requests. I think you deserve a huge bravo. I remember you had to answer many skeptical comments given your work with some agency, and the way you handled that cool.

Good luck, working for NGO's seems like a good step towards full re integrationg into society. I hope it works for you.

Just a bit of a comment on AI. a great org, but sometimes over anxious to pin the USA, not for the right reasons. namely, caveat from politics, because its always easier to find validation within that context, but not sure its the one you are looking for. We should strive to have those issues dealt with domestically by our communities in the future. But somehow it feels as if you are very good at taking ONLY what supports you from various resources, which is a huge achievement for survivor of extreme abuse. i am not there, not nearly there, but glad to see others are holding the torch.

I will try to get hold of the bryant book by mail.
although it is a very american story and i am not familiar with all the context background of it, the book can be a sample of how to document and investigate similar scandals, in terms of sound journalism and corroboration.

[sw]

Year ago, I posted about my hopes in finding a cloth doll that I had when I was around four or five. I had been holding it when I was "selected" by a white man in a suit. He took my hand and we went to an adjoining room where he raped me. When he was done, he took my cloth doll and wiped his penis off with it. He looked at me with smiling disdain and said, "you don't have a bush so I gave you a bush." Then he threw the doll onto my chest and walked out.

I looked for that doll for a long time and never found it. Before I realized I couldn't find it, I had mentioned to the OSC attorney in Dallas about the possibility of finding the doll and then possibly having Bush' DNA still on it since it was never washed. The attorney said even if it did have Bush 41's DNA it would prove nothing because no one could prove the DNA got there in a child rape. So, I guessed then, it just didn't matter what proof anyone had because it was never enough.

The selection process for the rapes in Omaha were one of my first memories. I pushed the memory away for years because I could not deal with it. If I had not written it in my journals so much, I would could have easily forgotten that I remembered it so early on.

When I first got into therapy, I could remember nothing about living in Omaha except that our two story house had this really cool laundry shoot where you would put the clothes in upstairs and they end up in the laundry room closet. I thought that was really cool. I remembered the snow and I remembered picking up boys on the freeway that were holding signs indicating they were hitch hiking to Boys Town. We always picked up boys going to boys town.

The political sex ring operated out of a business type building. It had a parking garage where I was dropped off at an elevator in the parking garage and my Dad would leave. The parking garage did not stand out to me until my sister said something to me that she was afraid of parking garages until she was around 30. I never remember her going in with me though.

The men would be sitting in this large room that had large cushiony dark leather chairs. Like overstuffed chairs. There were set ups of four chairs around a coffee table. The room held about eight coffee table with their four chairs throughout the room. The men who looked like what I believe to be Secret Service stood in a group not speaking by the entrance to the room. There were about six of these men who were all wearing suits. They were all white men and they had side holstered guns on their belts. They never spoke.

The white men filled the room. They all wore suits. They drank and laughed a ton and smoked cigars. After about 30 minutes of them laughing and the children lined up along this wall, the selection process would begin. The children were lined up against this wall. There were boys and girls. All the kids were totally silent and looked dead. No one cried or even moved much. No talking. Just alive.

There was some type of unspoken pecking order of the men who raped the kids. The highest ranking man would stand up and come over and walk down the line of kids just like a military person does in the movies when he inspects the kids. Inspect meant he got to fondle each kid to see which one they wanted. Once they selected their choice for the afternoon, they take the kid to an adjoining office room that was right off of the huge conference room area where everyone was sitting. The smaller rooms were just big enough for a large desk and two chairs. The men would rape the child on the desk and then go back to the party.

In my OSC paperwork, I said I could recognized Kissinger from a visual memory. I did not recognize Bush but he fit the general look and I wondered if it was Bush because of his Bush comment. So, I was not sure on Bush. Just wondered about him. I also said Cheney more so because he acted different than the other men. He made comments about the most dangerous game. So, after reading about Cheney's remarks and mannerisms, I said I was pretty sure he was one of them based on his crude remarks that others also noted. But, the only visual I could place on my own was Kissinger. The others are just hunches.

Anyway, I gave all of this info in detail to the SS men.

My take on the political sex ring is that I was being used for other programs and the sex ring was just some kind of bonus for the men. The sex ring was not the main program...it was just like a bonus for being in the overall club of the much bigger program. Word I am looking for is...perk.

As I grew up, I was just as angry at the men who guarded the rapist as I was about the rapists.

PS - Obviously it took me decades to heal from the abuse especially the "selection" abuse. I dressed like a boy and acted like a boy, walked like a boy. Did not like to have much of my body exposed like my feet. Did not wear open toed shoes until I was around 35 thinking that it made me unsafe.

I was around 30 before I even used soap below my waist. I was convinced that I was allergic to soap especially Mr Bubble because when my mom would give my sister and I baths, we would start to scream that it was burning our private parts off. Both of us did not use soap there until many decades later. She is almost 50 and I think just now uses soap, there.

I did not like to be touched in general because I was afraid of hands. It was my total aversion to hands touching me that my boss at work noticed first he said. I did not like people to brush up against me even in casual contact at work. I also dressed pretty funny even in the spring when most people wore light weight fabrics and exposed more skin than me.

Wearing anything like colors, nice fabric would make me "selected" so I never tried to be "selected " again , even unconsciously.

I think it was around this time that I bonded so much with animals and the neighbor dogs. Dogs never hurt me and dogs loved me. I could not sleep in beds for over a decade. It was then that I learned to make "dog beds" for the parts to sleep in because I could sleep if I slept in a dog bed. No one was ever hurt in a dog bed. Very safe places, dog beds.

[barracuda]

In my OSC paperwork, I said I could recognized Kissinger from a visual memory. I did not recognize Bush but he fit the general look and I wondered if it was Bush because of his Bush comment. So, I was not sure on Bush. Just wondered about him. I also said Cheney more so because he acted different than the other men.

I'd like to clarify on this, sw. Are you saying that you were raped by Henry Kissinger and Dick Cheney and perhaps G.H.W. Bush in Boys Town?