Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:21 pm

Owners of Walter White's House Install Fence to Stop Breaking Bad Fans From Throwing Pizzas on Their Roof
https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/ ... fence.html
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:54 am


Sony revives discontinued robo-dog


Japanese conglomerate Sony has brought back Aibo, its iconic mechanical dog. But this time the pup is not just cute and cuddly, it is also loaded with improved artificial intelligence making it more dog-like.
http://www.dw.com/en/sony-revives-disco ... a-41193040



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRl_03_jNwE

(Judging by their response, my dogs are def. fooled by its 'bark'.)
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stillrobertpaulsen » Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:54 pm

Police: Man shoots himself in penis while robbing hot dog stand

Image
Photo Credit: National Hot Dog and Sausage Council



Posted: Nov 02 2017 04:54PM CDT

Updated: Nov 02 2017 05:11PM CDT

SUN-TIMES MEDIA WIRE - A 19-year-old man who shot himself in the penis after allegedly holding up a South Side hot dog stand Tuesday won’t be going home when he’s released from the hospital.

Terrion Pouncy remained at Christ Hospital recovering from his injuries on Thursday, missing a bond hearing at the Leighton Criminal Courthouse on two counts of armed robbery, the Chicago Sun-Times is reporting.

Pouncy was arrested at the Oak Lawn hospital not long after he was found slumped on the steps of a home across the street from a West Pullman restaurant that Chicago Police say he robbed at gunpoint about 6 a.m. on Halloween.

Judge Stephanie Miller ordered him held without bond.

Pouncy was unable to run further because of the pain of a self-inflicted gunshot wound suffered when tried to adjust the .38-caliber pistol in his waistband as he ran off after robbing Maxwell Street Express at 116th and Halsted, Assistant Cook County State’s Attorney Erin Antonietti said in court.

Pouncy had pulled out the gun and demanded cash from two employees, pressing the gun to the head of a 39-year-old worker, Antonietti said.

The victim, who had been passing a bucket filled with grease over the counter, called for his co-worker to hand over the cash from the register. As they passed their wallets and a stack of singles to Pouncy, the bucket tipped and bills went flying, Antonietti said.

Still pointing the gun at the workers, Pouncy stooped over to collect the cash, Antonietti said. Shifting the gun in his waistband as he ran out, he apparently pulled the trigger, firing a bullet that struck him in the penis, Antonietti said.

One of the restaurant employees, 39, then began wrestling with Pouncy as he tried to run away, before he staggered out into the street.

Surveillance cameras captured video and audio of the robbery, and showed Pouncy struggling to make it across the the street, stop on a bench, and make his way to the steps of a nearby house before collapsing, Antonietti said.

Police recovered the wallets Pouncy had allegedly stolen from the two men, as well as the .38 caliber pistol.

Pouncy’s blood-stained boxers matched the underwear he had on in the surveillance video, which clearly showed the pattern on the fabric when the teen bent over to collect the money that had fallen to the floor, Antonietti said.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Fri Nov 03, 2017 5:23 pm

:P

Hot dog stand robbery suspect shoots himself in wiener
http://nypost.com/2017/11/03/hot-dog-st ... in-wiener/


GERMAN MAN REPORTS UNDETONATED WORLD WAR II BOMB IN BACKYARD, TURNS OUT TO BE ZUCCHINI
http://www.newsweek.com/not-so-bomb-squ ... -be-701540


Florida woman charged with DUI while riding horse
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donna-byrn ... arged-dui/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby MacCruiskeen » Sat Nov 04, 2017 8:15 pm

MANA, the Midwives Alliance of North America, wrote:Suggesting that only women can give birth is not welcome here.


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Postby cptmarginal » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:59 pm

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:37 pm

He says he shattered his hip buying a watermelon at Walmart. A jury awarded him $7.5 million.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/bus ... edf8925bcb


Police warn that drugs on shopping carts could kill you
http://beta.latimes.com/food/sns-dailym ... story.html
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:51 am

A ‘Leonardo’ sells for $450 million.

Image

Before the sale of a painting that some scholars and a very assertive auction house believe is by Leonardo da Vinci, the debate was all about authenticity. Was this painted panel, known as “Salvator Mundi,” or “Savior of the World,” an actual Leonardo?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/art ... dd8e6b0d90


(Authentic or not, sold at a bargain, if he can save it.)
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby MacCruiskeen » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:47 pm

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:32 pm

A statue was erected at a Catholic school. The internet noticed something unfortunate

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http://pics.mcclatchyinteractive.com/ne ... 140/statue
http://www.sacbee.com/news/nation-world ... rylink=cpy
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:59 am

A Hospital Charged $1,877 to Pierce a 5-Year-Old’s Ears. This Is Why Health Care Costs So Much.

Two years ago, Margaret O’Neill brought her 5-year-old daughter to Children’s Hospital Colorado because the band of tissue that connected her tongue to the floor of her mouth was too tight. The condition, literally called being “tongue-tied,” made it hard for the girl to make “th” sounds.

It’s a common problem with a simple fix: an outpatient procedure to snip the tissue.

During a pre-operative visit, the surgeon offered to throw in a surprising perk. Should we pierce her ears while she’s under?

O’Neill’s first thought was that her daughter seemed a bit young to have her ears pierced. Her second: Why was a surgeon offering to do this? Wasn’t that something done free at the mall with the purchase of a starter set of earrings?

“That’s so funny,” O’Neill recalled saying. “I didn’t think you did ear piercings.”

The surgeon, Peggy Kelley, told her it could be a nice thing for a child, O’Neill said. All she had to do is bring earrings on the day of the operation. O’Neill agreed, assuming it would be free.

Her daughter emerged from surgery with her tongue newly freed and a pair of small gold stars in her ears.

Only months later did O’Neill discover her cost for this extracurricular work: $1,877.86 for “operating room services” related to the ear piercing — a fee her insurer was unwilling to pay.

Continued...
https://www.propublica.org/article/a-ho ... ts-so-much
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby norton ash » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:57 pm

https://www.axios.com/conway-appointed- ... 27442.html

Kellyanne Conway will oversee the White House's efforts against the opioid overdose epidemic on Wednesday, according to BuzzFeed. Attorney General Jeff Sessions said Trump has asked Conway "to coordinate and lead the effort from the White House," according to BuzzFeed, in remarks that were different than his statement prepared for the event.

Sessions also announced a Drug Enforcement Agency field office in Louisville and called on U.S. attorney's offices to appoint an opioid coordinator, BuzzFeed reports.

Why it matters: The White House has not yet released a strategy on how to approach the crisis, BuzzFeed reports, nor has a head of the Office of National Drug Control Policy been appointed. A majority of the 64,000 overdose-related deaths in 2016 were due to opioids. Opioid policy expert Andrew Kolodny told BuzzFeed Conway's appointment is "a positive sign" because it shows "the administration is taking this seriously."

Update: The White House tells CBS Conway's role is not expanding and opioids has always been part of her policy portfolio.


In other words, a big 'fuck you' to the opioid epidemic. Although she might understand the 'desperate lying' and 'loss of moral compass' aspects of addiction.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:07 am

CVS to Buy Aetna for $69 Billion, Combining Major Health-Care Players

Deal is latest and most dramatic sign of how the lines between traditional segments in health care are blurring


By Sharon Terlep, Anna Wilde Mathews and Dana Cimilluca

Updated Dec. 3, 2017 9:09 p.m. ET

CVS Health Corp. agreed to buy Aetna Inc. for about $69 billion in cash and stock in a move to transform the pharmacy company and capture more of what consumers spend on health care.​

https://www.wsj.com/articles/cvs-to-buy ... 1512325099


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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Wombaticus Rex » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:26 pm

A month or two ago, my friend told me about this in the kitchen. I patiently explained to him that, while we do live in crazy times, this was obviously a fake news story because it was simply too far over the top. Fuck me.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... ude-photos

Facebook asks users for nude photos in project to combat revenge porn

In the Australian pilot, users must first complete an online form on the e-safety commissioner’s website outlining their concerns. They will then be asked to send the pictures they are concerned about to themselves on Messenger while the e-safety commissioner’s office notifies Facebook of their submission. Once Facebook gets that notification, a community operations analyst will access the image and hash it to prevent future instances from being uploaded or shared.

Facebook will store these images for a short period of time before deleting them to ensure it is enforcing the policy correctly, the company said.

Roughly 4% of US internet users have been victims of revenge porn, according to a 2016 report from the Data & Society Research Institute. The proportion rises to 10% when dealing with women under the age of 30.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:43 pm

Wombaticus Rex this was already posted viewtopic.php?f=8&t=27483&start=315 and i am very disturbed by this redundant duplicity
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