Look man, we're all crazy here. Most of us, I'd wager, either are, once were, or currently should be in some form of mental health care or another. Insanity is the only sane response to an insane system, and we are scholars of that system. Reverse-engineers, if you will. Diving down deep into a mad system is a recipe for madness. Shock Corridor comes to mind.
To begin with, and I mean predating any such inquiry... most of us here were already schizotypal and/or somewhere on the autistic spectrum. Several of us are some kind of bipolar. A minority of folks here have been through unspeakable tragedy, and for a handful, literally unbelievable abuse.
All of us are repeatedly traumatized by each new plot point in the grand unfolding of the global fascist control system.
Everyone reacts differently. FourthBase said he used to literally walk the Earth like Kane in Kung Fu, chatting up fellow genius in their natural habitats around the Ivy League. When the marathon bombing happened, he went through some serious catharsis, misdirecting that energy at his traveling companions here for a bit, but we all know deep down what it's like to go off the deep end for a bit, so we tolerated it and still love him. That's just one example...
On top of all that baseline we share in this community, you've obviously got some seriously world-shattering shit going on in your own life right now from what you've shared, calling your value system into question like shit does, and though you're a very philosophically-enlightened chap, paradoxically your ego is driving you like it just stole you from a parking lot and has no intention of surrender, so it's committing serial drive-by philosophical spree killings in the name of defending the okayness of being you as you are.
Sorry to get personal, but at this point you're crapflooding the board and it's painfully counterproductive to the ongoing curation of knowledge, intuition and analysis here. I ain't even mad, and I don't think anybody else is either, because you're awesome and we know it. You've been my personal hero in the sense of being a Domestic Daoist Homemaker-Monk, and I love you for it.
So I'm saying, for the love of catshit ananda, please get yourself to a friendly psychiatrist you can trust. Like, tomorrow. Before your head explodes and somebody notices and lacks the imagination to help you constructively. You're in a state of dangerous imbalance of one kind or another, and all helpful philosophical, metaphoric, literal, metaphysical and spiritual narratives aside, you absolutely need to straight-up chill the fuck out before you get fucked over for it in real life.
Thanks, and please be well.
(Edited to remove some personal details before Google immortalizes them, per Bruce's request.)
pain is transient, I know you know that but it doesn't make it that much easier to bear it in the moment. Still be good to yourself.
stop listening to marillion!!!!!!
