Maddy wrote:
...I had a crapload of misdiagnosis and a crapload of medications tried that didn't work, and forget hypnotherapy, that's completely out.
My therapist told me, recently, its very, very normal for DID/MPD to not recall things, when I get on myself about it. I get on myself about it all of the time. She said to not get on myself about it because that's what the diagnosis is all about. That's what the protective mechanism is...
DeltaDawn wrote:I'm going to share my fear of therapists........I so wish I could find a Valerie Wolfe but my many experiences (except for one...in a minute) have been disasters. In the Military, they told me I had an anti-social behavior, which at the time meant I didn't do well in crowds....np I knew I didn't trust people and when there were too many around, got a little paranoid. Welllll, a few years later anti-social was a synonomyn for sociopathic behavior, which was later connected to psychopathy......of course, instant paranoia....so I was 'labeled' the same as I believed my abusers in reality were???? A few years later a non military shrink told me I had severe PTSD but wasn't sure whether it was from childhood or military, maybe hypnosis would be an answer, my immediate reaction was, why hell noooo, if they can make you cluck like a chicken, what damage might they do to what is already implanted in my mind? The next batch of 'Dr's' thought I needed anti-depressants, in a matter of 5 years I must have taken every one known, but they only severely depressed me or played havoc with my mind. The last shrink was a V.A, young, obviously resided, who confirmed a lot in my life. After a series of extensive medical testing and an unreal questionnaire; I walked into his office, sat down and he looked at me and said, "Look you have a file within a file that I don't want anything to do with, and you seem to (looking at my questionnaire) know what the hell is going on, so I'm suggesting that you don't need me!"..????
* Important caveat: The following are my personal opinions. Everyone is different and the paths to healing are many. So please, take what you like and leave the rest.
Re: Therapy and therapists
I agree. it sucks that there are so many incompetent (and worse) therapists around. Finding a good one isn't an easy thing, but I do think that there are some bright spots compared to the recent past.
They may be few and far between, but there ARE therapists who understand how to help you dismantle the programming. To find one near you (just some ideas) I would contact leaders in the field (check out the book "Ritual Abuse in the 21st Century") and ask for referrals.
If there are no therapists of this caliber in your location, you could try to find a therapist who is a brave, good person, who wants to help you and is willing to do work to learn and get additional training about MC issues and programming from therapists in other locations.
There are other possibilities, like going to an in-house treatment program, but since I've never done that, I can't really say anything meaningful about it.
In the meantime, do everything you can to create more stability in your life. The more chaotic and unsafe your present day life is, the harder it is to deal with past trauma.
Very important point: If you've determined or strongly suspect that family members or others were mc perps-
get away and stay away from them.I know it can be hard. As humans we are biologically programmed to bond with family members, but if you can't do this, it will probably be your undoing. There are lots of good and loving people out there, but if your family did this to you, they don't fall into that category.
You should also look very carefully at any relations that are deep and supportive like family is supposed to be, in order to avoid exchanging one toxic user for another - carefully monitor relations with lovers, therapists, close friends, etc.
Self-healing
When I first started healing from this, I felt like I would have needed 2-3 hours of therapy every day, which of course was unrealistic. Instead, I learned and utilized many self-healing methods. I'll do another post about this, but some that I use are: qigong, EFT, TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercise) and 12 step programs which are free and provide an amazing support network. Also, I strongly believe that gradually weaning oneself off of the multiple addictions that most of us have adopted to cope with the pain is key.
Medications
I know that some people need to take medications and have been helped by them, but I've always avoided them and taken the natural route. The way I see it is that I have enough problems without adding addiction to pharmaceutical drugs to the list. Besides, drugs and alcohol burn up
qi (life force or vitality) and I need my
qi to deal with this very challenging problem. When memories are surfacing and I'm in pain, the only thing I've taken has been kava kava extract which relaxes me and helps me get through it.
Dirty Therapists
I think that avoiding paranoia is valuable, but I want to say something about dirty therapists because, unfortunately, they are out there. I have a survivor friend who is very committed to her recovery and healing and who I have a lot of respect for, who spent over ten years of her life being handled by her therapist. She would go to therapy in the day, when her workaholic husband was at work and end up spending many hours in another alter state, helping her therapist run a cult-related business.
She would probably tell you (and I asked her permission before writing this) not be blinded or bowled over by degrees, high fees or supposed "expertise" in trauma or ra recovery. Be alert for any signs of manipulation or attempts to trigger programming. When she first went to him she knew zero about programming, if she had known about it there were some super-obvious red flags. (He has a penchant for the Wizard of Oz and even had an Oz poster in his waiting room!)
Anyway, one thing you can do is to look for info on well-known therapists out on sites like this. If there is some sort of consensus that he/she may be dirty, (like with C. Ross) or lots of controversy - stay away.