Nordic wrote:MacCruiskeen wrote:A child who is "throwing a tantrum"* is never doing so for no reason.
You don't have kids, do you?
Yes, I do. One. She's now in her teens. I can only actually remember two "tantrums" (sic) in her life, both of which took place when she was tiny. I and/or her mother were 100% responsible for both of them, as we very quickly realised, and that's why they both ended quite quickly and peacefully. (I can go into this in more detail if you want.)
Listen, kids often throw temper tantrums because they're tired, hungry, some combination of the above.
Precisely as I said. If a child "throws a temper tantrum" (sic), then it's
never for no reason.
Usually you just have to ignore them when they do this, or try to get them to sleep, or get some food down their gullets.
Maybe you do, Nordic, or maybe you just think you do. But I note the routine mild brutality in the way you put it. I'm not attacking you, just pointing it out. This is normal, i.e., it's the norm. And
ignoring children is a sure-fire way to anger them further, provided their spirit hasn't already been broken.
But they will do it for almost no reason at all.
No, I don't agree. I've never seen it happen. Never.
It usually involves not getting their way,
Precisely. They too are human beings. They too have their own wishes, desires and preferences, all of which should be respected, and most of which can quite easily be satisfied most of the time.
and their way can be anything, can be some demand that is completely unreasonable or unrealistic. Often it can involve wanting to watch something on TV, and having the parent just saying "NO".
I'm not of course saying that a parent should never say no, especially if and when a demand is "completely unreasonable or unrealistic". Such things happen, and then a solution has to be found. But if a parent says no (or "NO", as you put it) in such a way as to provoke a "tantrum" that can't easily be stopped, then maybe that parent should think about the
way he says no (or "NO"), and whether that might not have had some role in provoking the so-called "tantrum".
Believe me, Nordic, I know children can be exasperating, and I know life in general in the Western world in the 21st century makes huge demands on an adult's time, strength, nerves and patience. Nor am I claiming to be perfect, or a perfect parent, or anything like it. But I do have very strong memories of my own childhood, which was a very typical childhood in most ways, and I swore to myself I would
never put my kid(s) through some of the things I was put through, quite unnecessarily and very counterproductively (mainly by teachers). Those things were normal, i.e. they were the norm, at that time and in that place. And norms are often worth questioning and sometimes worth rejecting wholly. At least in my opinion, and at least in my experience.
- On Edit: Inserted a missing word ("way" in "sure-fire way").
"Ich kann gar nicht so viel fressen, wie ich kotzen möchte." - Max Liebermann,, Berlin, 1933
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts." - Richard Feynman, NYC, 1966
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