by Iamwhomiam » Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:18 pm
Yeah, 82, I once came across that site. And some other quite similar. Funny that hadn't looked at it before. I think I'll have to take a walk for awhile before commenting. I hadn't noticed who's it was as I tend to ignore the RI haters out there, as the rare specie they are. Some deep breathing seems sufficient. Here goes.
I really don't ever recall having written anything mean-spirited to Canadian_watcher and liked her. I'm sure I might have criticized one or more of her comments, though. You'll notice I never took part in the poll or threads decrying her suspension and seeking her account's reinstatement. Not my board; I'm a guest. (And it's high time I respond to alan ford)
Indeed, I actually enjoyed her exchanges with barracuda and took them as teen angst - I mean the sexual tension! It always left me wondering what their next episode might bring! And of late I had been wondering whom to ask who might remember where her video was posted. I wanted to email her my condolences on her banning and express to her my chagrin and share with her my kind feelings for her, and to once again locate her catalog, cause I love her wacky art and wanted more.
I've rarely had time to engage continually in thread conversations, but more often only check out a few threads I've commented on. I might be logged-in all day but I might not be reading here although I might be spending hours just trying to organize my thoughts into words that hopefully can be understood. I doubt I've read 10% of the topics posted, But I might be catching-up on earlier thread someone bumped or linked to.
I can barely comprehend the continual internecine combat and rarely understand why grudges are held, or why when you ask someone what their problem is with you because they seem to you to be trolling your comments, they do not explain, leaving you nonplussed as what to do to improve your relationship. That needs to change.
Honestly, it takes me hours to write a few paragraphs and I have to read and reread everything because I often cannot remember what I've just finished reading. It's sorta like uncontrollable chronic daydreaming, wtf did I just read? Oh, yeah. I already read that, kinda-like. Every time I read. It is what it is and I am whom I am, ces't la vie.
Really, it's crazy talk to imagine I'm a cruel psychotic multiple personality sock puppet and I try not to be cruel, but I have been. I've allowed my emotions, the lowest, basest Chakra to rule. Who here hasn't? Elfi? Jeff? and of course a few more beautiful people, SRP,? and a select few of our women.
Even though it seems to have been read by few eyes, my last cruelty, unread by our mods, cost me my first suspension which I've never protested. When it was pointed out to me how mean what I wrote was, upon my rereading it I realized he with whom I was arguing (I thought to that point constructively; positively), and now permabanned, might indeed be dangerously ill rather than just angry towards women.
It was incredibly unfortunate the board at that moment crashed, preventing me from deleting all the negative parts of my comment, though I tried desperately to regain access for hours at home, at my office in Albany and was finally successful using my daughter's pc, also in Albany. My sin? I called a misogynist a "pathetic creature," after a bit of mocking his relationship with a woman who was more than ten years junior, when their relationship began when she was in her late teens. (He had called her a whore for falling out of love with him; and all who followed the thread couldn't help but feel the burn of his hatred) I used his own comments available elsewhere on the web where he had been candid more so than anything he had written here. My closing was indeed heartfelt and part of the original and not edited in later. A prayerful kiss-off after a spanking.
Indeed, I had imagined the good ol boys were following their member's commentary to the thread and hacked RI. Really. And I felt it my fault.
It really matters little to me why the board crashed but it was indeed the first time I had ever edited out content from any of my postings in my seven years here. I have always indicated my edits and have never altered any posting's content. All of my edits have been limited to correcting typos or bad tags, although I have rarely added new content and indicated that I have.
The board had been down for hours after posting it before I was able to delete it. I noted only one comment, perhaps two after it was posted and felt a bit of relief imagining more had not read it, saving me some embarrassment. It was deleted just before or after midnight from a computer at my daughter's. My sole purpose in traveling one half-hour to Albany was to prevent unnecessary pain to one already obviously in agony, and of course, to save myself the embarrassment of castigation from RI members, the latter being something alan ford did not allow.
What made it all the more painful is that the board crashed again immediately after my edit, leaving me unable to pm Jeff, our mods, to whom my message was directed, as well as to Mac, who I have not yet thanked for asking me to reconsider what I wrote. I would have also included the entirety of my partially deleted comment. If any in management desire to revisit the past, I will gladly send them a copy now.
The next morning when I attempted to log to pm those I mentioned and to note my edit, I learned I had been issued a ban. And that hurt. It was like the only world on the page! I didn't notice the 1 week bit til days later.
I hold no ill will towards our fuzzy wombat. I felt I needed more time. It really shocked me when I read what I wrote. And I'm sorry I did that.
Honestly, for one to think me some kind sock puppet is really sad. I mean I did get a 20k boost to my internet connection speed a couple of weeks ago all the way up to the highest speed yet, 50,667k, but right now it connected at 49.333k. Imagine - I thought I might be able to view a video! No noticeable difference at all for before.
I've said before, I've shared more about my RL than most. I'm a public figure of sorts. I even have my own mug shot! Really, no matter where you live, if you visit an environmental organization or private resource recovery facility that is tied in to the Zero Waste and anti-incineration movement it is likely someone will know of me. Which means I communicate a lot, or used to. S I don't have time for engaging in psychotic behaviors acting in the sock puppetry theatre.
And I work to see instituted one national firearms license effective everywhere.
Wow. Never thought I'd write a book, but there it is. I hope it is coherent.
edited once to add,
I found it ironic the above mentioned disgruntled former RI member chose not to reveal to her blog readers her RI screen name, making it difficult for any to better understand her contributions that led to her being banned. Which is in effect, sock puppetry of her RI persona. Beyond ironic. Sad.
Last edited by
Iamwhomiam on Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
