Wow. I don't know why you have to exaggerate/distort everything I say to
fit your framework.
apparently you didn't see it that way. Can you tell me how you would have dealt with it if you had three people coming to apply for a job with you and one of them:
a. was late
b. laughed at you for asking them why they were late
c. asked to talk to your 'boss?'
A traveling serviceman came to your house and was late. Like almost all cable repair/fence repair/furnace/landscaping/delivery, etc people they were around 10-20 minutes late. I wouldn't have even batted an eye. I assume they will be a little late. I call them if they are more then a half and hour late and ask what is up? I've got stuff to do to, but I recognize the nature of their job doesn't make them always on time.
I don't think he was being disrespectful when he asked for your husband first. (Again could be wrong.) But
maybe his name was on the order? Maybe he thought you were mad that he was late and your husband left for work and missed him? Look at what you put down:
this morning's real life encounter with a sexist prick went like this:
Furnace Guy is supposed to be at my house at 8:30.
Furnace Guy shows up at 8:50
When I answer the door he asks for my husband, who has gone to work.
I say, "You must be Ben. Can you tell me why you are late?"
Furnace Guy laughs heartily in my face, and then says, "Seriously?"
And I say, "Yeah."
And he says, "What.. did your husband have to leave for work or something?"
I reply, "Well yes, he did. But I'm the one you would have been dealing with, anyway."
"Oh." Says Furnace Guy Ben. "It's only ten minutes." I resist the urge to correct his math. While I resist, he laughs again.
"I don't like people who are late," I say. "You were late. You're out."
I'd say this is to different personalities and communication styles colliding and not an instance of sexism.
Did you consider his laughing was out of nervousness?
brekin wrote:
Canadian_Watcher, I think there is no elegant way for me to separate the Furnace man incident
with what you have experienced in the past without causing unnecessary harm.
you can't? you HAVE to harm me now because you know more about me?
Harm to everyone.
Look I don't think the two incidents have anything to do with each other.
You disagree and obviously aren't going to be able to look at the two incidents objectively because both
were very intense to you. I respect that. If my grandfather was a P.O.W. of the Japanese and gets livid when he feels slighted by the Japanese mailman I'm not going to break it down how I think the two incidents aren't related. My opinion, his opinion, I respect his experience and not worth it to me to try and disentangle the two.
brekin wrote:
At most the Furnace man was disrespectful and bumbling.
yes he was - so should I have let him in my house?
Hey your call, your prerogative. I just don't think he was a "sexist prick".
I could be wrong but from what I gleaned I wouldn't label him as so.
brekin wrote:
The other incident is unforgivable and criminal. The Furnace man cannot be responsible for that.
you've just admitted that he was disrespectful. Given what you now know of my history, do you think I should let strange, disrespectful, men into my house?
Again your call, your prerogative. And I said "at most" he was disrespectful. I don't know if he was, my guess
is he was taken off guard my your question and was reacting and probably misread you. I honestly would
think someone was joking if they asked me that while they were smiling.
brekin wrote:
I'm glad for you that you can speak about such things, but frankly (and I'll shut up about this now)
once you start bringing in personal revelations into a thread with a lot of hostile people to you
Listen to what you are saying. I shouldn't allow myself to be myself in this place. It is not safe.
How about this? Why don't you read what I say and take it as I write it and not extrapolate what you think
I mean. I'm saying I don't think it is productive, wise or beneficial for anyone involved when you choose to divulge serious incidents from your past when you spend the last two pages trading insults. I would say the same to anyone else if they did the same in another thread. As I said in the full context of my original passage:
I'm glad for you that you can speak about such things, but frankly (and I'll shut up about this now)
once you start bringing in personal revelations into a thread with a lot of hostile people to you, simply
no good can come from it. You won't humble or enlighten those who are hostile and you run the risk of
alienating those who would otherwise want to way in.
I think you should choose
when and
why and
how much and
addressed to whom you allow yourself to be yourself with a little more discretion and judgement. I don't see it helping anyone in this instance. Could be wrong and you and others could find it very therapeutic, but I don't think much was gained from it. My opinion and I'm not a mod so you do what you got to do. I already broke my affirmation from a few weeks ago this morning not to visit this thread again and I think I learned my lesson, again, so I won't be blowing my horn if you choose to share more revelations in a like manner.
If I knew all mysteries and all knowledge, and have not charity, I am nothing. St. Paul
I hang onto my prejudices, they are the testicles of my mind. Eric Hoffer
