Everyday Sexism

[ShinShinKid]

It's hard to argue with mat time. Proud of you, Lily, keep it up, and never forget to pass your training on to others...
General Patton, if you can find it, try the 24 Fighting Chickens blog/ website.

[General Patton]

I've never used the "drive the nose into the brain" thing, but I do know that any blow--upward or straight-on--to the nose can cause such extreme pain that most attackers not on PCP will lose all interest in predation for at least a minute or so--long enough to run away.

But I have used the "break the little finger bone" tactic while being held almost completely immobile against my attacker's body, with my feet at least a foot off the ground and while terrified out of my wits. So I know for a fact that, whatever is said to the contrary by "experts", this small woman being preyed upon by a very tall muscular male had enough fine muscle coordination to easily grasp and snap his finger with the one forearm/hand I could move.

And I also remembered (during the attack) the fact that I could still move my legs and was wearing 2 inch heels and drove one of them directly into his shin bone. I'm assuming that takes some sort of muscular control--fine or gross--too. I wasn't flailing wildly, I was focused very tightly on injuring him with those slim, lethal heels.

So please don't tell people that they probably cannot perform a very simple action while under attack. Most women get this message in a more general sense from birth onward and it's very disempowering and inaccurate. I did it without training or practice, too, which tells me that if folks take self-defense classes, their rate of success should be higher than mine. My Dad simply told me about the little finger being a weak point even in a muscular person and it popped into my mind in the midst of panic and disorientation and worked like a charm.

Righto, I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm saying if you aren't used to getting a strong adrenaline rush and you get it in an unfamiliar form of conflict, it makes it much harder to perform actions, on the scale given above. If you got a line to any sensitive area by all means go for it. Having one simple go to technique can be useful if it breaks you out of the moment of shock.

Also having very clear boundaries is useful, make a line that someone can't cross, and when someone does, lay into them and get the hell outta there. Once you have that line it's easier to know when, in the heat of the moment, to switch from using social skills to using physical ones.

[LilyPatToo]

I know that the injury in no way measures up to some of the horrifically abusive, scary crap that women have to take in public, but I love this article Minnesota Woman Eviscerates Her Street Harasser In A Craigslist Missed Connections Post And the next time I (in my mid-60's, for pete's sake!) am yelled at on the street, I'm thinking about doing what she did. All you women out there who've been objectified and harassed on the street, wouldn't it feel awesome to get back at the creep in this small but oh-so-public way?

LilyPat

[LilyPatToo]

Maybe it's just a fluke that I'm seeing multiple mentions online all of a sudden over the past few days on street harassment, but it sure is cool. Today there's one that links to a site and an app called ihollaback!. Article is in The Atlantic here.

LilyPat

[Project Willow]

I know that the injury in no way measures up to some of the horrifically abusive, scary crap that women have to take in public, but I love this article Minnesota Woman Eviscerates Her Street Harasser In A Craigslist Missed Connections Post And the next time I (in my mid-60's, for pete's sake!) am yelled at on the street, I'm thinking about doing what she did. All you women out there who've been objectified and harassed on the street, wouldn't it feel awesome to get back at the creep in this small but oh-so-public way?

LilyPat

Oh, hell yeah! She nailed it here:

Let me make this abundantly clear, to you and to the other men reading this: when you comment on a woman's appearance, you are not doing it for her. You are doing it for you. It's not some great way to make a woman feel sexy and appreciated. It's not flattery, even if you mean for it to be. The only thing it is is a great way for you to create a shitty power dynamic, by which you have announced yourself as the arbiter of her value, and you've deemed her fuckable, and she is supposed to be happy or impressed by that.

It's all about power, always has been.

[LilyPatToo]

A great video from Hollaback!--Dear Creeps On The Street: No, My Name Is Not 'Hey Baby' NSFW due to language, but I wish every guy in the world who harasses women on the street would see it...no, make that every guy in the world. Period. Because even men who don't do it themselves almost certainly know others who do. Once in a while I stand up to one of them, but there are too many guns on the streets of Oakland for me to feel safe doing it every time I or another woman are harassed

LilyPat

[American Dream]

Stop Telling Women to Smile




See also: http://stoptellingwomentosmile.tumblr.com/

[LilyPatToo]

Just found an ad for a device a woman can wear when she goes out that will trigger her phone to ring to get her away from a male who's pushing her boundaries and making her feel unsafe. My first thought was: Sure wish I'd had one of these back when I was dating. And my second was: WTF?! Our society is so horribly broken and that fact is so obvious that jewelry is now openly marketed to help women feel safer? Jesus.

OTOH, most of us here who are female have probably had some version of Elliot Rogers hit on them and felt repulsed/pressured to the point of being scared or they've had a guy they liked/were attracted to get pushy and scary. So maybe jewelry is the answer for at least some of the harassment It only works in a limited sense, time-wise, since if the creep is mentally ill it won't stop him from stalking/attacking. But nothing we currently have will prevent that. Which sucks.

LilyPat

[Project Willow]

My sweet neighbor was raped last week right in the doorway of my building. Fortunately, we had security cameras installed last year and so the whole event was captured on tape.

More on the story here:
http://www.kirotv.com/videos/news/video-serial-flasher-now-charged-with-rape/vCcNBp/

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Charge-Notorious-flasher-raped-Seattle-woman-5508282.php

A Seattle flasher fresh from prison is back behind bars following allegations he raped a woman in the entrance to her Pioneer Square apartment building.

Charged with rape, Anthony P. Hawkins is alleged to have raped the woman in the early hours of May 19 as she was returning home from work. Hawkins, 37, had been out of prison for a month after serving time following a string of aggressive flashings.

King County prosecutors contend Hawkins attacked the woman as she was returning home from work. According to charging papers, the entire incident was caught on camera.

Returning home by taxi shortly before 4 a.m., the woman was unlocking her building’s front door when Hawkins attacked her from behind, a Seattle police detective said in charging papers.

Hawkins pushed her to the ground, dropped his pants and raped the woman in the apartment alcove before calmly walking away, the detective continued. A passerby spotted her and called for police.

Officers responding to the area spotted Hawkins nearby. He was arrested and subsequently identified by the woman as her assailant; according to charging papers, she told police she’d never seen Hawkins before.

Questioned by police, Hawkins claimed he’d known the woman for years, the detective told the court. He is alleged to have claimed they had consensual sex.

Video of the attack and injuries the woman received disproved Hawkins’ account, the detective continued.

The attack marks an alarming escalation for Hawkins, who’d previously been convicted of indecent exposure five times, Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carla Carlstrom said in charging papers.

Jailed for indecent exposure in November 2012, Hawkins was arrested again nine days after his release. That time, he was caught approaching people in Columbia City before exposing himself and masturbating in front of them.

Sentenced to 16 months in prison, Hawkins was released April 14, five weeks before his arrest on the new allegations.

“The current offense is a major escalation in violence from his previous acts,” Carlstrom said in charging papers. Hawkins, she continued, “poses an extreme danger to the community.”

Jailed on $500,000 bail, Hawkins has been charged with second-degree rape.

I wouldn't be surprised if he'd committed rape before, but on victims like the many female addicts who roam our neighborhood at night and who wouldn't have reported it.

[LilyPatToo]

I'm so sorry to hear of that woman's rape, but glad that it was caught on surveillance tape (irrefutable evidence) and that the perpetrator was quickly caught.

I was thinking today about the crime map of Oakland that I used to subscribe to in order to stay safer, since I walk alone so much. When a violent attack and rape near Lake Merritt where I walk was reported briefly in the news and failed to show up on the crime map, I emailed the map's creators about the omission. To my surprise, I learned that ALL rapes and attempted sexual assaults were being excluded from the otherwise great map. I expressed my shock at that fact, but no one seemed to much care. I was given lame excuses about legal liability--WTF?! They report assaults, robberies and murders, but not rapes because they fear lawsuits?! Give me a break.

Then a second sexual assault (that woman fought the guy off) hit the news and I demanded to talk to someone at the map site who actually cared about women's safety and was referred to the local police dept. who told me the information was available to the creators of the crime map and that was all the cops could do. I stopped using the map--though statistically I'm far more at risk for robberies than for rape--and formally protested the misogyny that the creators (programmers--all guys) were showing. And of course nothing changed at all. The rapist was eventually caught, but I found that the habits I'd formed when he was on the loose stuck with me. I've been hyper vigilant all my life, but now I've also stopped listening to my music while I walk, which I used to really enjoy. I carry pepper spray (clearly visible) and check who's walking behind me every couple of minutes and oftener if it's a male. And I feel a small surge of anger each time I do those things.

LilyPat

[Perelandra]

My sweet neighbor was raped last week right in the doorway of my building. Fortunately, we had security cameras installed last year and so the whole event was captured on tape.

That's awful, I'm sorry to hear it.

That criminal made me remember my experience with a "flasher" from long ago. I used to walk to school, work, etc., daily. One day, walking with my umbrella, I was horrified to see that a car had snuck up next to me and paused long enough to give me a good view of the driver exhibiting his genitals, then sped away. OK, weirdo. Then, it happened AGAIN, like a week or so later, on a different street. Same car, same everything. Reporting it to the police probably did no good, since I only got a partial license #. I was really scared after the second time, as I thought it might be stalking. It likely wasn't, but neither was his MO random, it was calculated. My male friends at the time thought it was funny, and dubbed him "the carjacker". Too bad I didn't know better than to shrug it off.

LilyPat, sorry for your experiences, but I think you're a great example for all.

[LilyPatToo]

Here's an interesting presentation of ways to react if you see public harassment of a woman or if a woman you know says she's been harassed. I still haven't forgiven my husband for brushing off my feelings about a gauntlet of men I used to have to walk past to get to a favorite bead store in Berkeley 25 years ago. I was scared and very upset the rest of the day by the comments and felt threatened, but as soon as I mentioned that all the jerks were African-American, some weird form of political correctness (or insecurity about being able to protect me??) flipped a switch in his brain and he stopped listening.

Nowadays, I'd *never* put up with that kind of treatment from him, but back then I wasn't assertive at all and just felt hurt and stopped talking about it to him. Makes me wonder how many women are shut down by family or friends and feel alone with their fear of walking by themselves...? I definitely will say something to the woman the next time I see it happen. She should know that what just happened was noticed and is not OK.

LilyPat

[82_28]

Sadly, this is the first I've ever delved into this thread. I may have posted somewhere in it last year or something. I dunno.

That is so disturbing about your neighbor, Willow. I simply don't know what to say. I don't know how one could ever "bounce back" from such an assault. How do you live with it? ARGHHH! So, so awful. It sucks being a guy as well when you can detect that you are being viewed as a possible predator who would break that shit up on a dime. But I am not the one assaulted, just had I been there I would have stepped in. Just, I wasn't there.

Fucking bullshit.

[Luther Blissett]

When I was a little kid, my Dad taught me that the weakest bone is the little finger and, if I was ever attacked, I should grasp that finger and bend it backwards as hard as I could. Many years later, while shopping in a deserted pet care section of a department store, I was grabbed from behind by a tall, strong man. He easily lifted me off my feet, pinned my arms to my body and covered my mouth and nose with his hand.

But one of my arms had flown up in surprise when he grabbed me and was pinned very close to that hand over my mouth. I'm dissociative and had an alter switch that seemed to clear my mind and slow time and I felt as though I was watching from a distance as my hand closed around his little finger and--with glee--wrenched it backward. I heard the bone snap and he screamed and threw me an incredible distance. He'd been moving toward an employees-only door and he ran through it, escaped and never was caught.

Please, people--tell your mothers/daughters/sisters about that little trick. I've spent a lifetime being targeted for suggestive comments on the street (and, incredibly, it's still happening even now that I'm in my mid-60's), but there are more overtly abusive, predatory men out there too. Another tactic to use on larger attackers if you're pinned front-to-front by one is to strike upward with the heel of the hand against the base of the nose where it meets the upper lip. I'm told it can kill if the nasal cartilage is shoved up into the brain, but even a light blow is supposed to be exquisitely painful and should distract an attacker long enough for a woman to run like hell.

But it just infuriates me that we have to learn tactics like those just to safely be in the world

LilyPat

Pulling on ears too. It only takes an alleged 7-10 lbs of pressure to remove a human ear. I tell that to many of the women I've dated.

Although even better than that is teaching boys not to attack women.

[LilyPatToo]

I'll remember the ear tactic. I was going to say that I'm surprised that more dads don't do what mine did and give their daughters tips like that one, but then realized that many fathers are part of the problem, even if only via denial. Mine happened to be an unusually gentle person who I think was more empathic than a lot of men are about the lack of public safety that women face. I agree that until we've raised a few generations of men like him, this problem is not going to go away. His ultimate solution, BTW, was to give me an incredibly protective Border Collie when I was 12. That dog *hated* men

Today I saw this article about a guy who stood up to the jerks and was injured for doing it Damn it.

LilyPat