Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:08 pm

Hey, how about a running compendium of the most asinine shit you've ever read or seen? Let me start it off:

40 Armed Gun Advocates Intimidate Mothers Against Gun Violence In A Restaurant Parking Lot

Image

On Saturday, nearly 40 armed men, women, and children waited outside a Dallas, Texas area restaurant to protest a membership meeting for the state chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, a gun safety advocacy group formed in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.

According to a spokeswoman for Moms Demand Action (MDA), the moms were inside the Blue Mesa Grill when members of Open Carry Texas (OCT) — an open carry advocacy group — “pull[ed] up in the parking lot and start[ed] getting guns out of their trunks.” The group then waited in the parking lot for the four MDA members to come out. The spokeswoman said that the restaurant manager did not want to call 911, for fear of “inciting a riot” and waited for the gun advocates to leave. The group moved to a nearby Hooters after approximately two hours.

MDA later released a statement calling OCT “gun bullies” who “disagree[d] with our goal of changing America’s gun laws and policies to protect our children and families.” The statement added that the members and restaurant customers were “terrified by what appeared to be an armed ambush.” A member of OCT responded by tweeting, “I guess I’m a #gunbullies #Comeandtakeit.”

This is not the first time that gun advocates have rallied at MDA events. In March, a group of armed men crashed a MDA gun-control rally in Indianapolis. Other gun advocate groups will hold rallies this upcoming December 14th, the anniversary date of the Sandy Hook shooting.

Licensed gun owners are allowed to carry concealed weapons, but Texas is one of six states that prohibits open carry of firearms. Attorney General Greg Abbott, a likely Republican successor for Gov. Rick Perry (R), has vowed to permit concealed handgun owners to display their firearms in public. Four GOP contenders for lieutenant governor similarly hope to put in place open carry laws if elected.


thinkprogress.org/politics/2013/11/10/2921121/dallas-gun-advocates-protest-restaurant-gun-control-advocates/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:12 pm

The group moved to a nearby Hooters after approximately two hours.


:ohno:
"Frankly, I don't think it's a good idea but the sums proposed are enormous."
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Wombaticus Rex » Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:22 pm

Elvis, you are not alone. That stuck out like orange shorts.

This did, too:

A member of OCT responded by tweeting, “I guess I’m a #gunbullies #Comeandtakeit.”


The photo is fucking creepy, genuinely fucking creepy...and let me qualify that by saying I have trolled gun control advocates here in VT by open carrying to their talks & public meetings here in Vermont. I think that's a couple light years away from taking position behind a car in a restaurant parking lot with 39 friends, though. Our goal has always been to make the point that your neighbors are sane, polite people who happen to carry handguns sometimes (or always, in the case of several of my friends.)

These guys were making a much different point.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:56 am

DNA Test Stuns Man Who Wants All-White Town

Craig Cobb agreed to the test as part of the Trisha Goddard Show's "Race in America" series, but he rejected the result as "short science" and "statistical noise" when it revealed he is 14% sub-Saharan African and 86% European, the Daily Mail reports. "Sweetheart, you have a little black in you," the show's British host told Cobb, who recoiled when she attempted to fist-bump him.
"This is formal impeachment proceedings," Nader told CNN's Erin Burnett Thursday on "OutFront."
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby coffin_dodger » Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:25 am

MI6 spy Gareth Williams death 'probably an accident', police say
BBC News 13 November 2013

The death of MI6 spy Gareth Williams, whose body was found in a padlocked sports bag, was probably an accident, police have said.

cont: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-24926512
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Nordic » Sat Nov 16, 2013 12:28 am

82_28 » Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:08 pm wrote:Hey, how about a running compendium of the most asinine shit you've ever read or seen? Let me start it off:

40 Armed Gun Advocates Intimidate Mothers Against Gun Violence In A Restaurant Parking Lot

Image

On Saturday, nearly 40 armed men, women, and children waited outside a Dallas, Texas area restaurant to protest a membership meeting for the state chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, a gun safety advocacy group formed in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.

According to a spokeswoman for Moms Demand Action (MDA), the moms were inside the Blue Mesa Grill when members of Open Carry Texas (OCT) — an open carry advocacy group — “pull[ed] up in the parking lot and start[ed] getting guns out of their trunks.” The group then waited in the parking lot for the four MDA members to come out. The spokeswoman said that the restaurant manager did not want to call 911, for fear of “inciting a riot” and waited for the gun advocates to leave. The group moved to a nearby Hooters after approximately two hours.

MDA later released a statement calling OCT “gun bullies” who “disagree[d] with our goal of changing America’s gun laws and policies to protect our children and families.” The statement added that the members and restaurant customers were “terrified by what appeared to be an armed ambush.” A member of OCT responded by tweeting, “I guess I’m a #gunbullies #Comeandtakeit.”

This is not the first time that gun advocates have rallied at MDA events. In March, a group of armed men crashed a MDA gun-control rally in Indianapolis. Other gun advocate groups will hold rallies this upcoming December 14th, the anniversary date of the Sandy Hook shooting.

Licensed gun owners are allowed to carry concealed weapons, but Texas is one of six states that prohibits open carry of firearms. Attorney General Greg Abbott, a likely Republican successor for Gov. Rick Perry (R), has vowed to permit concealed handgun owners to display their firearms in public. Four GOP contenders for lieutenant governor similarly hope to put in place open carry laws if elected.


thinkprogress.org/politics/2013/11/10/2921121/dallas-gun-advocates-protest-restaurant-gun-control-advocates/



Just to set the record straight, here is what was actually happening when that photo was taken:

Image

A group photo. Now, I'm not advocating running around with loaded guns in a parking lot, and I think these people are kinda stupid for that, but the photo that Truthprogress posted was really manipulative. Maybe not even on purpose, but that's sorta how it worked out.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Sat Nov 16, 2013 2:23 am

Nordic, you know I love you, but fuck these people. Go to a goddamn Sears Portrait Studio for your photo-op where you must brandish guns. Sit on Santa's lap or something. There is no place, no place where you should don an assault rifle. None. The proof is in the pudding. I don't give a fuck what perspective was given in the photo. Should a shit ton of open source software activists wait outside a meeting of people discussing how to keep unwanted thoughts off the Internet? This is unique to gun culture and right wing hatred. I don't give a fuck what their reason was.
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Nordic » Sat Nov 16, 2013 4:55 am

I agree fuck these people. But the photo initially posted is a dishonest photo. It makes it look like these guys were "taking position" in a parking lot, ready for a firefight, when in reality they were cheerily posing for a group photo.

I fell for it, too, the first time I saw it.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Sat Nov 16, 2013 5:21 am

Nordic » Sat Nov 16, 2013 12:55 am wrote:I agree fuck these people. But the photo initially posted is a dishonest photo. It makes it look like these guys were "taking position" in a parking lot, ready for a firefight, when in reality they were cheerily posing for a group photo.

I fell for it, too, the first time I saw it.


It's an honest photo. It happened. They could have chosen a nearby elementary school playground if this photo being taken was so goddamned important. A mall motherfucking parking lot is what they chose? No. The picture stands as truth to what they meant to say and said it they did.

I'm gonna start a yearbook photo company where the subjects post next to bags of doritos and gas pumps as opposed to a tree or some shit.

I didn't fall for anything. Fuck these fucks.

Nobody chooses to have a photo taken in a suburban parking lot outside a mall unless they're crazy or they're pranking.
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 8bitagent » Sat Nov 16, 2013 7:40 am

Bush was responsible for the death of nearly a million Iraqis; but the one whistleblower who leaked evidence of war crimes is the only one going to prison for life

Obama blows to smithereens innocent Yemeni, Afghan, Pakistani and Somali families...gets the nobel peace prize and support of "anti war liberals"

The Onion is alive and well
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Wombaticus Rex » Sat Nov 16, 2013 2:56 pm

Nordic, that is fucking amazing. Thank you, thank you.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby conniption » Sun May 25, 2014 6:52 pm

Not the Onion - (RT)

Italy to add drug trafficking, prostitution to GDP figures

May 23, 2014

The Italian government will include revenue from drug traffic, prostitution and smuggling while calculating its gross domestic product (GDP) in a bid to boost its shaky economy.

Starting this October, Italy will include revenues from “the illegal activities: drug trafficking, prostitution and smuggling services (cigarettes or alcohol)” to its GDP, the country’s national statistics office said on Thursday.

“The methodology for estimating the economic dimension of these activities will be consistent with the guidelines established by Eurostat," it added.

continued...
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stillrobertpaulsen » Thu Nov 20, 2014 3:37 pm

This should have come from The Onion, but didn't. Hats off to Wombaticus Rex for brilliant satire.

WORD SALAD FAILS TO DEFENESTRATE FEDS

By JULIA PRESTON NOV. 14, 2014
"Huey Long once said, “Fascism will come to America in the name of anti-fascism.” I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national security."
-Jim Garrison 1967
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