Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:30 pm

because most women can't/won't put up with the bullshit that goes on here


brainpanhandler » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:21 am wrote:
JackRiddler » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:57 pm wrote:Why aren't there more women on this board?


How many women are there?

I don't really know. I'm guessing there are significantly less than would be proportional with the general populace. But perhaps a better question would be why do they speak so much less than the men? Or do they?

Perhaps I'll start a thread on the subject and we can get all royally PC about it.


go ahead I'd love to hear all you men talk about it..I'm sure it would be a great recruiting tool
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby brainpanhandler » Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:42 pm

seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:30 am wrote:because most women can't/won't put up with the bullshit that goes on here


Like what? Bullshit that is misogynist? Or just bullshit in general?

I don't think there is any more general bullshit here than elsewhere. Generally speaking, I'd say less. But I'm a woman, so what do I know?
"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King Jr.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:48 pm

bullshit in general

oh WOW I had no idea you were a woman....I thought all that hate could have only come from a man ...but thinking back when I was in high school girls were way more hateful than guys


so interesting to find out the cruelest thing ever said to me here in 11 years was from a woman
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:09 pm

Wow! Thanks again, elfi. I feel ill.

Really, I do.

seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:36 am wrote:
coffin_dodger » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:10 am wrote:
JackRiddler wrote:Why aren't there more women on this board?

Oh, sorry, I'm imposing the Leftist Politically Correct Newspeak Tyranny again.


What's it like up there as RI Royalty, Jack? Does the power feel good?


and what exactly is that on his shoulder?


Well, if you must know, it's Willow's clit.

It was undoubtedly placed there with Willow's full permission.

I hope you've noticed it sits atop Jack's left shoulder.

Jack doesn't speak for Willow or her clit; but I take it he is a sort of a translator, made possible somehow due to their now extraordinarily close association.

I think Jack's quite effective in conveying certain emasculating words into more easily understood manspeak.

But perhaps a better question would be why do they speak so much less than the men? Or do they?


What's that bph? You'll have to shout. There's so many guys in here arguing so loudly Christ! it even smells like a locker room.

A most inviting place, indeed.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby brainpanhandler » Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:17 pm

Iamwhomiam » Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:09 pm wrote:
I wrote:But perhaps a better question would be why do they speak so much less than the men? Or do they?


What's that bph? You'll have to shout. There's so many guys in here arguing so loudly Christ! it even smells like a locker room.

A most inviting place, indeed.


How do you know what gender various members are here? Really? I think Wrex is a guy. I think Slad is a woman. But how do I know?

In any event I doubt the men have the market on arguing loudly cornered around here.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:17 pm

oh it's not a chip? :P
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby brainpanhandler » Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:29 pm

seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:48 am wrote:so interesting to find out the cruelest thing ever said to me here in 11 years was from a woman


Yah, I let my sig line speak for me these days.

I imagine some day you'll be laying on your death bed, your family and friends gathered about, and from your half conscious delirium you'll be muttering about Brainpanhandler and JackRiddler and you'll rouse from your slumber and begin to call loudly for your laptop.... "My laptop! Bring me my laptop! There's mean people wrong on the internet! My laptop! Someone bring me my...." And your family will quietly, soothingly whisper to you that you have to let all that go now and have the doctor sedate you after you become even more incensed.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:31 pm

you will always live up to my impression of who you are..and just so you know nothing here affects me in my real life....please you shouldn't think for one minute you have any affect on me other than your absolute cruelty here...your self is overrated by your self

I am sure you are not that cruel in real life you just need to get it all that hate off your chest here instead

why don't you try and out do yourself and post some more hate..go ahead I know you have it in you


I imagine some day you'll be laying on your death bed you will still be conjuring up cruel thoughts of seemslikeadream....seems you just can't let it go either :P

oh and I do need to make one correction....your posts are the cruelest replies ANYONE has ever posted to anyone in 11 years here ..not just to me....solace comes in second only because he/she is not a wordy smith like you....uses only one word

except maybe that mule guy..he was pretty nasty

I can't think of anyone except solace that hates me so much ...funny I wonder what you two haters may have in common

even Jack doesn't hate me that much....I wouldn't speak for him I think he can do that just fine...



at least I will have family and friends at my bedside.....sorry you are so lonely and hateful
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Tue Nov 17, 2015 6:29 pm

go ahead I'd love to hear all you men talk about it..I'm sure it would be a great recruiting tool


That was pretty funny, slad!

I hadn't yet read your interchange above my last when I submitted it. Seems sorta appropriate.

But I was thinking - how did I fall for those obviously contrived stories?

And I realized I had a spiritual cramp while walking in beautiful gardens:



(Appropriate for all RI audience members)
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby backtoiam » Sat Nov 21, 2015 1:22 pm

Behold! The ISIS™ Schweppes Bomb of Doom!
Posted on November 20, 2015 by willyloman

by Scott Creighton

This is getting laughable. Ridiculous even. Stupid to the point of brain death. Moronic to the point of forgetting to breathe.

First of all, ISIS™ has a nice, slick magazine full of all sorts of colorful images, ads and advice to the up-and-coming young professional terrorists out there. It’s called Dabiq and on the cover of this months publication it says ‘JUST TERROR”… in English of course.

Image

https://willyloman.wordpress.com/2015/1 ... b-of-doom/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby slomo » Sat Nov 21, 2015 6:42 pm

To be fair, English is only one of the languages in which Dabiq is published:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dabiq_(magazine)

Interesting that ISIS can afford the production values of a glossy magazine, but has to use a soft-drink can for its bombs. Oh well, I guess I don't really understand how terrorism works.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby backtoiam » Fri Nov 27, 2015 10:11 pm

Holy Bejeebus, Gog and Magog have landed.

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby PufPuf93 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:21 am

World’s Most ‘Adorable Drug Kingpin’ is Actually the Daughter of Texas DEA Head Honcho

By William N. Grigg on November 26, 2015

image: http://tftppull.freethoughtllc.netdna-c ... Honcho.jpg

World's-Most-'Adorable'-Drug-Kingpin-is-Actually-the-Daughter-of-Texas-DEA-Head-Honcho

“You don’t see many drug traffickers retire,” gloated Bill Furay, head of the DEA’s office in Beaumont, Texas, following the arrest of a wealthy couple from a tiny neighborhood in Pearland. “Either they end up in prison, or they end up dead.”

Furay apparently never had time to give that lecture to his teenage daughter, Sarah — who was arrested earlier this month on drug-trafficking charges that could result in decades behind bars.

For many years, Furay has styled himself the implacable scourge of drug dealers, becoming a familiar presence at triumphant DEA press conferences announcing mass arrests and seizures of contraband and proceeds.

“Basically, we’re targeting criminal organizations, gangs, trying to hit them where they live and breathe,” Furay boasted following a large-scale bust following “Operation Blood Loss” in 2009. “Operation Agent Orange” in June 2010 propelled Furay into the spotlight yet again: A multi-jurisdictional narcotics task force staged a massive operation spanning several counties to arrest 60 people allegedly involved in a drug-trafficking ring tied to Mexico’s Sinaloa narcotics cartel. US Attorney Malcolm Bates described the narcotics operation as the “United Nations of drug trafficking.” Like most initiatives of its kind, Agent Orange began with information sweated out of low-level dealers seeking a “downward departure” in sentencing in exchange for leniency.

The crackdown netted dozens of suspects, including “Mexicans, Hondurans, Mexican-Americans, African-Americans, Anglos and at least one Pakistani and one Israeli citizen,” according to the Houston Chronicle. “People with first names such as Jesus and Omar are accused of doing business with Mohammad, Shannon, Heather, and Ken.”

“It was like they were delivering pizzas,” commented Furay during a press conference. “It was delivery after delivery.” Furay’s comrade Zoran Yankovich, who headed the DEA’s Houston Division, boasted that Operation Agent Orange “has decimated the Pineda organization that was operating in our region and responsible for the distribution of numerous pounds of methamphetamine and cocaine nationwide.”

Taking out a drug syndicate is an exercise in futility akin to baling out the Pacific Ocean with a thimble. When the DEA “decimated” one narcotics syndicate, all they did was create an opportunity for another one to fill it. While Furay was busy with sting operations, controlled buys, and self-aggrandizing press conferences, he apparently neglected to supervise his young daughter Sarah, who was arrested at her College Station home on November 8 and faces a variety of narcotics-related charges.

A probable cause statement quoted by NBC affiliate KCEN claims that police found “31.5 grams of packaged cocaine, 126 grams of high grade marijuana, 29 `ecstasy’ tablets, methamphetamine and 60 doses of a drug similar to LSD” in Sarah Furay’s bedroom. They also reported finding two digital scales, packaging materials, and a handwritten drug price list. Police also found text messages in her phone discussing drug transactions.
Miss Furay faces at least three felony charges that could – and, given the renowned severity of the Texas justice system, ordinarily would – result in long prison time: The aggregate maximum sentence would be 215 years behind bars and a $30,000 fine.

That terrifying prospect notwithstanding, the winsome Miss Furay can be seen smiling broadly in her booking photo, which has been called the “happiest mugshot in America.” After spending a day in jail, the 19-year-old, referred to in press accounts as an “adorable drug kingpin,” posted $39,000 bond and was released. On November 23, the online magazine Death and Taxes reported that Sarah is the daughter of DEA official Bill Furay and Shawn Creswell, principal of the Coulson Tough Elementary School in Woodlands.

Although Sarah’s parents are divorced, and her mother has since remarried, “having a mom and dad with well-established positions within departments of law enforcement and education certainly doesn’t hurt when it comes to getting your drug-dealing ass out of jail,” commented Death and Taxes. “Having a mother with strong ties to the community and as a school administrator gives Furay’s attorney the opportunity to argue [the] client as a low flight-risk.”

Owing to her privileged status, Sarah Furay has a very good chance to escape the ruinous punishment that would be inflicted on most defendants in her situation. There is a strong possibility as well that her less-than-admirable life choices reflect the fact that her father was too busy putting other people’s children in prison to give his own daughter the parental attention she needed – but this type of occupation-specific neglect is fairly commonplace among those who enforce drug prohibition.

During a DARE graduation in Payette, Idaho several years ago, Larry McGhee, the state DARE coordinator (and a high-ranking official in the state Peace Officer Standards and Training academy), shared a story in which he contrasted the fates of two young women named Tracey and Brianna. According to McGhee, Tracey was raised in a very good family, but “she didn’t have the DARE program.” So despite her advantages Tracey found herself in the company of disreputable, drug-using peers and became addicted to methamphetamine. She was able to graduate from high school, but dropped out of college. She went on to have three children by three different men, none of whom she married.

Brianna, on the other hand, came from a poor and troubled home presided over by a drug-addicted single mother. However the DARE program helped her overcome her disadvantages, at least as McGhee told the story, and at the time she was an academically successful 17-year-old surrounded by supportive friends and facing a promising future.

At this point in his address, McGhee went full-M. Night Shamalyan, revealing what he apparently regarded as a breathtaking twist in the narrative: Brianna’s drug-addicted mother was none other than Tracey and McGhee continued, adding a pike to his twist, Tracey was his own 37-year-old daughter.

The lesson, according to McGree, was that it such things can happen to a 30-year veteran police officer — the state coordinator for DARE — no family could possibly be immune to the scourge of drug addiction. A more compelling moral to the story would be that parents should be reluctant to entrust the moral and character education of their children to a program presided over by someone who, by his own public admission, experienced such a tragic failure in raising his oldest daughter.

The larger public policy lesson taught by both McGhee’s experience and the arrest of William Furay’s so-called teenage “kingpin” daughter is that drug warriors should spend their time teaching sound moral lessons to their own children, rather than filling prisons with non-violent offenders, and the coffers of law enforcement agencies with plundered loot.



Read more at http://thefreethoughtproject.com/adorab ... MhVv14V.99
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby AlicetheKurious » Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:56 pm

I actually lived in Geneva, Switzerland for a while, way back when. I disliked it intensely; it had a creepy vibe, despite the beautiful scenery. Though this is pretty surprising.

Sex abuse against horses on the rise in Switzerland
Published time: 29 Nov, 2015 11:39


Switzerland is seeing a worrying increase in the number of sex attacks carried out against animals and in particular horses. Figures showed cases of animal abuse rose to 1,709 in 2014, an increase of 1,542 from the previous 12 months.

The findings are worrying animal rights groups as it is a problem that seems to be getting worse. The foundation, known as Tier im Recht (Animals in Law), said the amount of abuse cases reported was triple compared to a decade ago.

Read more: Reuters​ Denmark to ban sex with animals

However, it seems as though horses are coming under particular threat, with almost 10 percent of cases maltreatment of the animals involving bestiality.

“This rate is relatively elevated compared with other types of animals,” Andreas Ruttimann, a legal expert with Tier im Recht, told the Local.

“A total of 105 cases of animal cruelty to horses were registered last year, up considerably from previous years but probably below the actual number of incidents,” he added.

Worryingly, the group believes the actually figure could be much higher, given that around 150,000 people in Switzerland take part in equestrian activities. It also adds that there are more than 110,000 horses at 18,000 farms in the country.

The 20 Minuten newspaper reported that experts believe that as many as 10,000 people living in Switzerland are suspected of practicing zoophilia (sex with animals). Tier im Recht says the higher prosecution rates are down to tougher animal protection laws being introduced by the government, to protect their welfare.

Switzerland has a population of just over 8 million, meaning 0.125 percent of the population have a penchant for zoophilia. Link
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby backtoiam » Sun Dec 06, 2015 6:19 pm

Liberty President Calls for an Armed Christian Campus
Posted on December 6, 2015 by Mark Schumacher

ABC News

Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. urged students, staff and faculty at his Christian school to get a permit to carry a concealed weapon on campus to counter any copycat attack like the deadly rampage in California just days ago.

“Let’s teach them a lesson if they ever show up here,” Falwell told an estimated 10,000 of the campus community at convocation Friday in Lynchburg. While Falwell’s call to arms was applauded, his remarks also seemed to target Muslims.

“I’ve always thought if more good people had concealed carry permits, then we could end those Muslims before they walked in .,” Falwell said. The final words of his statement could not be clearly heard on a videotape of the remarks.

However, Falwell told The Associated Press on Saturday he was specifically referring to Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik, the husband and wife who shot and killed 14 people at a holiday party in San Bernardino on Wednesday.

Falwell’s remarks generated a sharp rebuke from Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe, who called the comments “reckless.”

“My administration is committed to making Virginia an open and welcoming Commonwealth, while also ensuring the safety of all of our citizens,” McAuliffe said in a statement issued late Saturday. “Mr. Falwell’s rash and repugnant comments detract from both of those crucial goals.”

Falwell also said he believed the campus needed to be prepared in the face of the increasing frequency of mass killings. He cited, for example, the 2007 massacre of 32 people at Virginia Tech, the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history, and less than 100 miles southwest of Liberty.

“What if just one of those students or one of those faculty members had a concealed permit and was carrying a weapon when the shooter walked into Virginia Tech? Countless lives could have been saved,” he said.

Falwell’s message is apparently being heeded. He said more than 100 people had asked Liberty police about a free class to obtain a permit to carry a concealed weapon.

Liberty was founded by Jerry Falwell Sr., who was among the nation’s first conservative cultural warriors. The Moral Majority founder’s barbed commentary on contemporary matters such as gay Americans made him a reviled figure to some and a pioneering conservative crusader to others.

Following the San Bernardino shootings, which left 14 dead, Falwell said he began carrying a .25-caliber handgun in his back pocket. He said he’s had a permit for more than year.

During his address Friday, Falwell mentioned the weapon and reached around seemingly to fetch it.

“Is it illegal to pull it out? I don’t know,” he said, laughing, drawing some hoots from the audience.

Asked if he was concerned by the prospect of thousands of armed young people on campus, Falwell said Virginia has a minimum age of 21 for a carry-conceal permit. He said that meant only older students would be armed.

More than 14,000 students are enrolled at Liberty.

Falwell said he had also reached out to a first responder in San Bernardino to see if the school could offer scholarship assistance to his children.

Falwell’s remarks were first reported by the News & Advance (http://bit.ly/1Na9kYd).

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/libe ... m-35596543
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