Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

[Pele'sDaughter]

They're so damned worried about the children but never a mention of dangers other than abortion that the unborn face and definitely not a word of what they're exposed to after they're born. Obviously, Congress is too ignorant to be trusted with any decisions regarding human life, and the entire shabang is an embarrassment to the nation and humanity itself. .

[Searcher08]

Republican State Rep. Vito Barbier Thinks a Woman's Stomach is Connected to Her Vagina

to parameme
"A Woman is A Series of Tubes"

[Elvis]

Oldie but goodie in this reversal:

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/28/world/ira ... ncy-duped/

Iran's news agency portrays satirical Onion story as its own
By Michael Martinez, CNN
Updated 4:57 PM ET, Sat September 29, 2012


Iran's Fars News Agency posted a story based on The Onion, unaware it is a satirical fake news website.

Add Iran's news agency to the long list of those hoodwinked by the satire of The Onion.

Iran's semi-official Fars News Agency published a story Friday claiming that a Gallup poll found that rural white Americans prefer Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over President Barack Obama.

Such a poll would indeed be big news in Iran (and the United States) -- if it were true.

But the source was The Onion, the publication that presents the outlandish as real news.

Its serious tone fools many who are new to the lampoons. Onion yarns have tricked news outlets in the U.S. and overseas.

Ahmadinejad: I'm quite popular

What sets Fars apart from others, however, is that the agency published the Onion story as if it were its own.

Fars News Agency used the story verbatim, giving the same headline: "Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama"

Fars also took all the credit at the get-go:

"TEHRAN (FNA) -- According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than US President Barack Obama."

(The Onion story used a Charleston, West Virginia, dateline.)

The article went on to quote a West Virginia resident as saying he would rather grab a ballgame or a drink with the Iranian leader than with Obama.

The phony resident then lauded Ahmadinejad: "He takes national defense seriously, and he'd never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does."

If that weren't enough, Fars continued, "According to the same Gallup poll, 60 percent of rural whites said they at least respected that Ahmadinejad doesn't try to hide the fact that he's Muslim."

A Fars news editor said Friday that the outlet took the item off its English-language website once editors realized that The Onion wasn't a legitimate news organization.

Without breaking from its farce, Onion Editor Will Tracy wrote in an e-mail that Fars is a subsidiary and has been "our Middle Eastern bureau since the mid 1980s, when the Onion's publisher, T. Herman Zweibel, founded Fars with the government approval of the late Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khomeini.

"The Onion freely shares content with Fars and commends the journalists at Iran's Finest News Source on their superb reportage," Tracy wrote in his statement.

There's no word on whether either president is laughing.

[seemslikeadream]

Inclement Weather Postpones Execution in Georgia


.... as if It Were a Baseball Game

[seemslikeadream]

Netanyahu claims ‘worldwide’ conspiracy trying to unseat him

[seemslikeadream]

Judge Reduces Sentence of Child Rapist, Says He Didn't "Intend" to Harm 3-Year-Old He Sodomized
The California judge says Kevin Rojano didn't show "callous disregard" while raping a toddler.

[Nordic]

Obviously that judge is equal in pedaphilia to the rapist. Why else would he do this?

[kool maudit]

if you were a pedophile yourself, though, would it follow that you sought to mitigate punishments for your fellows? in some cases it could lead one to being even harsher, out of roiling self-hatred, or purely by-the-book out of a desire to avoid detection.

[seemslikeadream]

Nebraska Woman Files Suit Against All Homosexuals

[seemslikeadream]

Maryland Cop Charged with Biting Man's Testicle During Cinco de Mayo Brawl

[seemslikeadream]

'Photofucket' devs arrested for selling their pic-stealing app

[cptmarginal]

http://www.newsmax.com/Newsmax-Tv/Brad- ... id/650853/

Presidents have a tradition of leaving notes for each other as they pass the baton to the next leader of the free world, author Brad Meltzer tells Newsmax TV. Meltzer learned of the tradition when researching his new thriller "The President's Shadow."

President Ronald Reagan, when leaving the White House in 1989, wrote to George H.W. Bush, "Don't let the turkeys get you down," and slid it into the Oval Office desk.

Bush, in turn, left a note for Bill Clinton, who left a note for George W. Bush, who left a note for Barack Obama.

"It's the greatest hidden tradition of the modern presidency," Meltzer told "Newsmax Prime."

Meltzer said that during his research he asked former President George H.W. Bush if the messages were ever used to send coded information.

"The email comes back to me and it says, 'The president wants you to have this.' I don't know what it is, and I open it up, and President Bush had sent me the real letter that he left for Bill Clinton. No one had ever seen it before publicly, in fact, his own biographers were like, why didn't you give this to me?"

Meltzer said he checked for Freemason or other codes, but found none. "But it was just a generous, amazing letter that again spoke to humanity."

Meltzer wrote in the New York Post on Sunday that he also learned from the Secret Service that Reagan packed a pistol while president. He told Newsmax that no one knows whether he started carrying the the gun after the assassination attempt on him or if he had carried it from the day he was sworn in.

"The reason for that is because he said that if anyone else comes to shoot him, he wants to be ready," Meltzer said.

[boomerdog]

I am surprised this hasn't been posted yet.

"White Supremacists Worried Charleston Shooting Makes Them Look Bad"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/1 ... 13540.html

[Iamwhomiam]

Maryland Cop Charged with Biting Man's Testicle During Cinco de Mayo Brawl

Charged with assault or lewd conduct?

I am surprised this hasn't been posted yet.

"White Supremacists Worried Charleston Shooting Makes Them Look Bad"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/1 ... 13540.html

Funny! sorta.

An epiphany for White Supremacists comes the moment they realize they are a minority group.

[Sounder]

Monsanto Finally Admits Culpability
For years Monsanto has masqueraded as an eco-friendly biotech company that is concerned about our dying bees.

" Part of our commitment to preserving the environment includes protecting the health of honey bees. That's why we work with many groups to develop sustainable solutions for the complex issues facing honey bee health." –Monsanto's Website

The EPA gave Monsanto, a Fortune 500 company, a $3 million dollar grant, taxpayers' money, to develop a solution for colony collapse disorder. A top scientist at Monsanto, John Leere, let the cat out of the bag when he admitted GE farming and bees can't coexist. So guess which one they consider expendable? The following quotes are from the World New Daily Report.

" Latest studies have found a link between neonicotinoid pesticides that are vastly used in GE corn crops. As GE farming has become an essential part of agriculture in today's modern world, we had to develop ways to promote both the continuity of GE farming and the survival of the honey bees, a fascinating challenge?"

" Since GE farming and neonicotinoid pesticides are here to stay, we first tried to modify the bees as to increase their immune system to these insecticides, with little or no success."

Instead of saving bees, Monsanto intends to replace them and to profit from their demise.

"Yet, we did not despair and eventually started testing on winged virgin queens and males of the ant species. Although ants usually lose their wings after the queen has been inseminated and starts to give birth to the new colony, genetic manipulation has produced a flying ant species that is strikingly similar to the common honey bee, and 50 times stronger to certain types of pesticides.

Through genetic manipulations, we could eventually create a hybrid species that would have both the common honey bee's pollinating characteristics, as well as possess the pesticide immunization properties of certain ant species, a perfect match that would take thousands of years to develop on its own in nature."


Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/050993_flyin ... z3kTqmNKT0