Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Thu May 02, 2019 10:28 am

Scattered cash causes freeway jam as drivers stop to gather $30,000 that fell off a truck

by Newschannel 3 / Friday, April 26th 2019

RAND HAVEN, Mich. — Dad might have said that money doesn't fall off a truck, but drivers along U.S. 31 in Grand Haven can say Dad was wrong: A box of bills - roughly $30,000 in cash - fell off a truck Friday, causing motorists to stop their cars to gather the money.

Grand Haven police officers were called to the scene because of the massive traffic backup the lost cash caused on U.S. 31 south of Coho Drive.

The cash was strewn over the roadway. The motorists were parked everywhere.

So the officers temporarily closed traffic lanes and were assisted by witnesses in picking up the money.

The owner of the cash eventually arrived and told officers that he was carrying the cash in a cardboard box. He said he inadvertently left the box on his truck bumper, and was driving north on Beacon Boulevard when the box fell off, sending the cash across the roadway just south of the bridge.

Officers and witnesses collected $2,470 from the road and surrounding area.

Anyone who picked up money is asked to turn it in at the Grand Haven Department of Public Safety, said Jeff Hawke, director of public safety, in a written report on the incident.

Officers also said that all of the money has been removed, so treasure hunters should not stop or walk in traffic lanes or any area that would pose a risk.

https://wwmt.com/news/local/scattered-c ... ff-a-truck


Anyone who picked up money is asked to turn it in at the Grand Haven Department of Public Safety, said Jeff Hawke, director of public safety, in a written report on the incident.

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Sounder » Sat May 18, 2019 11:41 am

Oh so progressive.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/ne ... d=12232050

A boy has been sent home from school today for "not wearing enough pink" on Pink Shirt Day.

Today is anti-bullying day and to support the day people across New Zealand - including dozens of school students - have been wearing pink.

Mother Claire Lealiifano posted that her son was sent home from Helensville Primary School after his teacher said he wasn't wearing enough pink.

But the day of anti-bullying turned sour for an Auckland family when Helensville Primary School sent a boy home for not wearing enough pink.

The boy's mother Claire Lealiifano took to Facebook to say her son had been sent home to change.

Students were told they could wear pink in support of the day or they could wear their school uniform.

The mum said her sons looked for as much pink clothing as they could find.

"Apparently what he was wearing wasn't good enough. So the head of the year sent him home to get changed without checking I was home," Lealiifano said.

She said other children at the school were not wearing pink and wanted to know why her son was singled out.

She ended her post with #bullyingisnotok
All these things will continue as long as coercion remains a central element of our mentality.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Mon May 20, 2019 10:27 am

She served an $8 school lunch to a teen who couldn’t pay. Then she was fired — for ‘theft’.

May 17

A cafeteria worker in Canaan, N.H., was fired after a supervisor caught her violating her employer’s policy. Her offense? Giving food worth $8 to a student with no money in his account.

Bonnie Kimball had worked for five years serving lunch to the teens at Mascoma Valley Regional High, whom she called “another family,” the Valley News reported.

The contract to provide lunch to the school’s 326 students was expiring. A competitor was touring the facilities on March 28, and Kimball’s employer had extra managers on hand.

Kimball saw that a student’s account was empty and let him keep his food, the New Hampshire Union Leader reported. She also asked him to have his mother add money to the account. The next day, he paid his lunch bill. But later that day, Kimball was called in by a manager who had witnessed her act of leniency and fired her, she told the paper.

“It was my life for five years. I went and I took care of another family,” she told the Valley News. “You don’t just lose a family member, be okay and move on.”

Kimball created a GoFundMe campaign March 16 seeking to raise $1,000. A GoFundMe spokesperson, Bobby Whithorne, verified the page in an email.

Kimball said that she was following specific orders from her employer, Manchester, N.H.-based Cafe Services. In February, she told the Union Leader, her direct supervisor had instructed her to let students take food, even if they couldn’t pay, and “discreetly tell them” to refill their accounts.

In an email to The Washington Post, the school district’s superintendent, Amanda Isabelle, declined to comment on the employment decisions of Cafe Services, but wrote that “district policy is to make healthy nutritious school meals available to every child whether or not the child has sufficient funds to cover the cost of the meal.”

The chair of the Mascoma Valley Regional School Board, Cookie Hebert, told the Union Leader that “it was her understanding” that students who can’t pay should be given the lunch of the day and not a la carte items, which Kimball gave the boy March 28.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/educatio ... b79db325be


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Bonnie Kimball
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby BenDhyan » Sat May 25, 2019 10:47 pm

Owners of Noah’s Ark replica suing insurer over flood damage

By Marisa Dellatto May 25, 2019

Image

Owners of a Noah’s Ark replica are suing their insurer, saying they didn’t cover damage from — you guessed it — a flood.

The Kentucky-based Ark Encounter, a 510-foot wooden ship straight out of the Old Testament, say the road leading to the ship and the vessel itself was apparently damaged by a landslide spurred by intense rain in 2017 and 2018, reports CNN.

The harsh terrain made it dangerous to use the ship, according to the lawsuit, which claims the attraction incurred $1 million worth of damages. The insurance company only covered part of that, CNN said.

“You got to get to the boat to be on the boat,” park spokesperson Melany Ethridge told the Courier-Journal.

The ark and road have since been repaired.

The holy copy-cat was unveiled in 2016, according to the Courier-Journal.

https://nypost.com/2019/05/25/owners-of-noahs-ark-replica-suing-insurer-over-flood-damage/]

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby MacCruiskeen » Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:58 pm

There sawe I fyrst the derke ymagynyng
Of felony [...]
The pyckpurse and eke the pale drede,
The smyler, with the knyfe under the cloke.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:50 pm

^^^^ I hope Beyonce is getting her full fee (not likely).

Now if The Onion put that together with this—

schiff iran twit.jpg
schiff iran twit.jpg (44.83 KiB) Viewed 491 times


it would really be funny.

(I knew it had to be all Trump's fault!)
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Sun Jun 16, 2019 8:23 pm

.

Re: Raytheon and Adam Schiff present BEYONCE

Great find!

Must have gotten around, because they memory holed it promptly.

But here it is again:

http://politicalpartytime.org/party/36073/

.
Last edited by JackRiddler on Mon Jun 17, 2019 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Belligerent Savant » Sun Jun 16, 2019 9:57 pm

.

"Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't"

- with increasing regularity, any/all front page stories from establishment press.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:19 am

You know, that's actually the greatest threat from AI; that we will blindly believe what some software tells us. No robot uprising required and, as always, we're our own worst enemy and have never been able to grasp that.
Don't believe anything they say.
And at the same time,
Don't believe that they say anything without a reason.
---Immanuel Kant
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby cptmarginal » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:14 pm

seemslikeadream » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:26 am wrote:Image

Trump labor secretary who cut Epstein deal plans to slash funds for sex trafficking victims

Democrats condemn as ‘amoral’ Alex Acosta’s proposed 80% funding cut for US agency that combats child sex trafficking
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby minime » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:34 pm

Look at the little girls' faces. What stories they could tell.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby cptmarginal » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:43 pm

That's his family. Yes, the unfortunate picture does make the story seem more like something from The Onion.
The new way of thinking is precisely delineated by what it is not.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:24 pm

Image

Pictures were taken at the time of Acosta's swearing-in ceremony. Poor kids, surrounded by creepy people and growing up in that family.

(Daughters bring to my mind the twins in The Shining).
The greatest sin is to be unconscious. ~ Carl Jung

We may not choose the parameters of our destiny. But we give it its content. ~ Dag Hammarskjold 'Waymarks'
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby minime » Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:26 pm

Oh Cordelia, I was going to say the same thing.

"Forever and ever..."

Partly it's the creepy dresses. But mainly it's the look in their eyes.

And the mother. Jesus.
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