Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Moderators: Elvis, DrVolin, Jeff

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Mon Apr 27, 2020 5:31 pm

GERMANS FACE FINES OF UP TO $5,000 AS WEARING A FACE MASK BECOMES MANDATORY

https://www.kdrv.com/content/news/569984092.html

previously:
Drivers wearing face veil in Germany will now be fined as controversial ban comes into force

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/worl ... 62626.html
playmobil of the gods
0_0
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Wed Apr 29, 2020 5:38 am

Can Estrogen and Other Sex Hormones Help Men Survive Covid-19?
Men are more likely than women to die of the coronavirus, so scientists are treating them with something women have more of: female sex hormones.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/27/heal ... n-men.html

French researchers to test nicotine patches on coronavirus patients
Study – which stresses serious health risks of smoking – suggest substance in tobacco may lower risk of getting coronavirus

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/ ... oronavirus

Smoking weed and coronavirus: Even occasional use raises risk of Covid-19 complications
If you're smoking weed to ease your stress during the coronavirus pandemic, experts say it's time to think twice.

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/10/heal ... index.html
playmobil of the gods
0_0
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stickdog99 » Wed Apr 29, 2020 2:05 pm

0_0 » 29 Apr 2020 09:38 wrote:
Can Estrogen and Other Sex Hormones Help Men Survive Covid-19?
Men are more likely than women to die of the coronavirus, so scientists are treating them with something women have more of: female sex hormones.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/27/heal ... n-men.html

French researchers to test nicotine patches on coronavirus patients
Study – which stresses serious health risks of smoking – suggest substance in tobacco may lower risk of getting coronavirus

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/ ... oronavirus

Smoking weed and coronavirus: Even occasional use raises risk of Covid-19 complications
If you're smoking weed to ease your stress during the coronavirus pandemic, experts say it's time to think twice.

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/10/heal ... index.html


LOL at the last article. A similar article could be written about eating sugar, eating meat, drinking milk, drinking alcohol, vaping, smoking, drinking coffee, drinking energy drinks, drinking diet drinks, using kratom, using herbal remedies, drinking kombucha, etc., etc.

"It's safer to take only medicines prescribed by your doctor." Thanks for that expert medical advice, CNN!
stickdog99
 
Posts: 3708
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 5:42 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby alloneword » Thu Apr 30, 2020 3:18 pm

NHS Digital has apologised to families after sending letters to more than 10,000 deceased patients, warning them they were at extra risk of covid-19.

https://www.hsj.co.uk/technology-and-in ... 73.article
User avatar
alloneword
 
Posts: 633
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:19 am
Location: UK
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby mentalgongfu2 » Sun May 03, 2020 1:51 pm

My manatee sense is tingling.

Asia's 'murder hornet' lands in US for first time
By Robert Gearty | Fox News

https://www.foxnews.com/science/asia-murder-hornet-in-us-first-time.amp
"When I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink!"
User avatar
mentalgongfu2
 
Posts: 1756
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby alloneword » Tue May 05, 2020 3:05 pm

Prof Ferguson told the Telegraph: "I accept I made an error of judgment and took the wrong course of action. I have therefore stepped back from my involvement in Sage [the government's Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies].


https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/0 ... -breaking/

*Now wash your hands*

Fucking weasel.
User avatar
alloneword
 
Posts: 633
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:19 am
Location: UK
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Tue May 05, 2020 9:59 pm

Best thing I've heard about him yet.
We meet at the borders of our being, we dream something of each others reality. - Harvey of R.I.

To Justice my maker from on high did incline:
I am by virtue of its might divine,
The highest Wisdom and the first Love.

TopSecret WallSt. Iraq & more
User avatar
JackRiddler
 
Posts: 15029
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:59 pm
Location: New York City
Blog: View Blog (0)


Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Thu May 14, 2020 4:29 am

No charges for man who wore KKK hood to store as coronavirus mask in California

source: https://globalnews.ca/news/6938336/coro ... d-charges/
playmobil of the gods
0_0
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby alloneword » Thu May 14, 2020 6:21 am

Image

A person who was "terrifying kids" by walking around a village dressed as a 17th Century plague doctor has been identified by police.

The individual, dressed in a black cloak, hat and pointed beak-like mask, had been both frightening and amusing residents of Hellesdon, near Norwich.

However, police said they would like to find him as concerns had been raised.

Officers have now identified the plague doctor as a boy in his late teens and given him "words of advice".

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-norfolk-52533718
User avatar
alloneword
 
Posts: 633
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:19 am
Location: UK
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Thu May 14, 2020 9:28 am

Did we do former Pete consultants now on Joe's team pitch giant Biden hologram in Grand Canyon to make him more relatable to critical Fortnite player vote? Because I don't even want to dig it up, it's so painfully stupid -- or yet another an aggressive fuck-you, take your pick, pretty close to breaking fourth wall and killing your fans on Fifth Avenue -- but obviously the story was made to go here. When do we reach a critical mass, wherein we must retitle this thread "ALL stories seem to come from The Onion but don't"?
We meet at the borders of our being, we dream something of each others reality. - Harvey of R.I.

To Justice my maker from on high did incline:
I am by virtue of its might divine,
The highest Wisdom and the first Love.

TopSecret WallSt. Iraq & more
User avatar
JackRiddler
 
Posts: 15029
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:59 pm
Location: New York City
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby alloneword » Thu May 14, 2020 11:21 am

No, I think we missed that one. File under 'Strategic self parody'? :shrug:

It's not exactly an original idea, though... :?

But agreed - it's getting really difficult to take the piss out of the 'news', when every 'story' is presented with the last drops of piss already wrung out of it. :(
User avatar
alloneword
 
Posts: 633
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:19 am
Location: UK
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Thu May 14, 2020 1:59 pm

playmobil of the gods
0_0
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Joe Hillshoist » Fri May 15, 2020 8:45 pm

Gee that guy with the clan hood looks a bit like cuthulu I reckon.
Joe Hillshoist
 
Posts: 9553
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Wed May 20, 2020 10:08 am

Canadian Air Force Jet Crashes Into a Home While Celebrating Health Care Workers
"The flight was part of Operation Inspiration, a nationwide mission aimed at saluting first responders and other essential workers"
A member of an elite Canadian air force squadron died Sunday after a jet crashed into a British Columbia home during a celebration for front-line workers in the coronavirus pandemic, authorities said.


https://www.anti-empire.com/peak-govern ... e-workers/
playmobil of the gods
0_0
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to General Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 13 guests