I need to die

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Re: I need to die

Postby seemslikeadream » Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:35 am

Pele'sDaughter » Wed Aug 15, 2018 7:29 am wrote:The fact that you're talking about it is good. I don't think you really wanted to leave, but that you felt at that time it's your only option. Don't ever give up your power. While the past may create the future, it doesn't have to define it for each of us individually because we decide what it means. Even if we cannot change our situation, we can change our state of mind. We have that power although it may be difficult to get ourselves to use it. People have used their power to survive the most horrific circumstances, sometimes for many years, and they have emerged stronger than ever. The more we use our power, the more it grows and we become the creators we were intended to be. So don't sell yourself short. You, too, have the power to change the way you perceive your life and experiences in order to gain the strength to endure the trying times. We have the choice not to take crap personally or believe what others say or do is about us, because it isn't. Nothing anyone else says or does has anything at all to do with you. No, instead, it's a reflection of their own mind. Everyone is like a mirror and when we look at each other what we really see is ourselves. So, if family or anyone says or does something shitty to you, you don't have to take it personally or react to it emotionally because it isn't about you. You are the one who creates your own self-worth. Don't let anyone's bullshit bring you down. Glad you're feeling better now. I experience such episodes more often than I would like, so I do understand how it feels.

:hug1:






thanks for opening your heart Blue ....when you open your heart you show us something good




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHhGhRRM_nY

How many sorrows
Do you try to hide
In a world of illusion
That's covering your mind?
I'll show you something good
Oh I'll show you something good.
When you open your mind
You'll discover the sign
That there's something
You're longing to find
The miracle of love
Will take away your pain
When the miracle of love
Comes your way again.
Cruel is the night
That covers up your fears.
Tender is the one
That wipes away your tears.
There must be a bitter breeze
To make you sting so viciously
They say the greatest coward
Can hurt the most ferociously.
But I'll show you something good.
Oh I'll show you something good.
If you open your heart
You can make a start
When your crumbling world falls apart.
The miracle of love
Will take away your pain
When the miracle of love
Comes your way again.
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: I need to die

Postby RocketMan » Wed Aug 15, 2018 10:18 am

I'm very happy to hear your dark night of the soul passed, Blue.

Don't you give up, now, ya hear?? :hug1:

And don't you apologize. You are loved and you are important. We are glad to help, and don't hesitate to ask for help again, here or somewhere else, if such thoughts arise again. We're not burdened, the most important thing is life.

:lovehearts: :lol2:
-I don't like hoodlums.
-That's just a word, Marlowe. We have that kind of world. Two wars gave it to us and we are going to keep it.
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Re: I need to die

Postby PufPuf93 » Wed Aug 15, 2018 11:46 am

Thinking of you Blue.

Thank you for exposing the kindness and care of RI, one of the most decent outposts on the internet.

:lovehearts:
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Re: I need to die

Postby 82_28 » Wed Aug 15, 2018 11:29 pm

Since we don't know your particular circumstances, Blue, all I can say is it will come in strange waves. You can't "cherry coat" one's deep emotions. But there are always people who want to help.

Right now I drive for a living and I have to cross long bridges. In the middle of them I get acute anxiety attacks and I wonder who on the other side will be there if I need to get past it in a pinch. I motor through. It sucks, but is very real. But you can motor through. I really appreciate you bringing your turmoil to our attention. It is humanizing for everyone involved. I hope you are doing OK tonight.
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
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Re: I need to die

Postby RocketMan » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:15 am



Anthem
by Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
Has passed away
Or what is yet to be

Yeah the wars they will
Be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
Bought and sold
And bought again
The dove is never free

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in


We asked for signs
The signs were sent
The birth betrayed
The marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
Of every government
Signs for all to see

I can't run no more
With that lawless crowd
While the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
A thundercloud
And they're going to hear from me

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

You can add up the parts
You won't have the sum
You can strike up the march
There is no drum
Every heart, every heart to love will come
But like a refugee

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
That's how the light gets in
That's how the light gets in
-I don't like hoodlums.
-That's just a word, Marlowe. We have that kind of world. Two wars gave it to us and we are going to keep it.
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Re: I need to die

Postby Jerky » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:54 am

Blue » 14 Aug 2018 23:47 wrote:now. Can't take family hate any fucking more. Best way, please help...


Blue, please DM me.

I haven't yet read the rest of this thread, but I feel like I needed to reach out to you the second I saw this. I am now off to read the rest of this thread.

Your old pal,
Jerky
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Re: I need to die

Postby thrulookingglass » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:23 am

How many lives have become like this? While people toil away for monetary gains which offer little in the way to add meaning to life. I've come to find peoples possessions are really just toys, trying to reawaken those joys of youth before the day to day responsibilities weighed us down. Society grows crueler by the day. Trump lambastes those who reveal his abhorrent behaviors, pure race fanatics shout down diversity, and the fanatical right wing 'the deep state government is trying to take away our freedoms.' When the say freedom, they mean guns. The more we fill the world with irrationality, the more insane it becomes. People don't look each other in the eye anymore, heads bowed to the floor on the subway. Crash on the couch at the end of an energy leeching day of "work", spending a dime while earning a nickel, in front of the HD flat screen. Television, a third reich creation. Hitler was a master at contorting people's will into some nationalist fervor, Mein Kampf reveals this. The origins of true spirituality, not religion, was to try to find answers to the greatest questions of life, who am I? why am I hear? What is the purpose of life? We, the individual, must be the ones to provide the answers to these questions. If we can't answer these questions directly, we can at least narrow down what life shouldn't be. We should not wage war upon one another. We should not treat each other as competition. Quite simply our goal in life should be to love and serve one another, no matter the nationality, skin color, intelligence level, political affiliations. All these self drawn distinctions are meaningless in the end. And while I know these things, the inability to cause change, to awaken us all to tearing down the halls of power that corrupt our existence and pollute our world haunts me to no end. At night I hear the echoes of our ancestors, our Earth, our universe desperately pleading with us to conceive a reimagined future, for if we continue on this path there will be no end to our misery. Divinity is not a being, it's a way of life. I have met "the devil", he believes he is God and has convinced all others he is though the use of fear, violence, ritualistic nonsense, candles, incense, wine to blood, bread to flesh. Easter steals us away from the Earth's voice, marking a change of season, the cycle of equinox displayed in the heaven, the ebb and flow of light. Deep inside him a voice cries weepingly, "What have I done? Depreciating all others, treating myself as superior while others suffer. What have I done?" Actually, he sharply retreats from such thoughts with the chill of denial coursing through him, covers his tracks with lies, for to admit a failure from God's hands is to show he has faults too.

As the change sets in, we are separate
As the game begins, we are separate
Some string slackening, others giving in, change sets in
Cycles of three, triangles are tricky
Cycles of three, triangles are tricky
Cycles of three, triangles are tricky
As the change sets in, we are one again
As the game begins, we are one again
This is the natural order of things, change sets in
Moonshine, moonshine, moonshine, freeze
As the change sets in, we have lost our way
As the game begins, we are found again
As the change sets in
Cycles of three, Moonshine freeze
As the change sets in, we are one again
As the game begins, we are one again
This is the natural order of things, change sets in -
Moonshine Freeze, This is the Kit


That eye at the top of the pyramid fiercely stares us down. King of the hill. Intimidation. Fear. I am more powerful than you. I stare back, it's not the magnitude of your power that is great, only in how it should be used gives it proper quality.
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Re: I need to die

Postby Jerky » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:25 am

Phew! What a relief.

I don't want to say something like "Don't scare us like that, Blue!", because I want you to feel like you can call out for help any time you need to. Just know that there are people here who care about the folks who participate on this forum, even though we mostly haven't met each other in real life (yet). You can always DM/PM yer old pal Jerky if you need to. Or you can email me direct at jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com any time you need to.

Blue » 15 Aug 2018 11:24 wrote:I'm sorry for my public meltdown. The vampires nearly drained me. One more step and I could have left this shithole world behind me.

But seeing real people at RI of all freaking places respond with such kindness has helped me.

Thanks, friends, for having my back this time.
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Re: I need to die

Postby NeonLX » Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:52 am

Blue » Wed Aug 15, 2018 6:24 am wrote:I'm sorry for my public meltdown. The vampires nearly drained me. One more step and I could have left this shithole world behind me.

But seeing real people at RI of all freaking places respond with such kindness has helped me.

Thanks, friends, for having my back this time.


I thank the PTB who run this weird universe for the fact that you are still with us, Blue.

We will always have your back. That's what family does. Of course you can PM me anytime. I welcome it.
America is a fucked society because there is no room for essential human dignity. Its all about what you have, not who you are.--Joe Hillshoist
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Re: I need to die

Postby Cordelia » Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:58 am

Image

In A Dark Time


In a dark time, the eye begins to see,
I meet my shadow in the deepening shade;
I hear my echo in the echoing wood--
A lord of nature weeping to a tree.
I live between the heron and the wren,
Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den.
What's madness but nobility of soul
At odds with circumstance? The day's on fire!
I know the purity of pure despair,
My shadow pinned against a sweating wall.
That place among the rocks--is it a cave,
Or a winding path? The edge is what I have.

A steady storm of correspondences!
A night flowing with birds, a ragged moon,
And in broad day the midnight come again!
A man goes far to find out what he is--
Death of the self in a long, tearless night,
All natural shapes blazing unnatural light.

Dark, dark my light, and darker my desire.
My soul, like some heat-maddened summer fly,
Keeps buzzing at the sill. Which I is I?
A fallen man, I climb out of my fear.
The mind enters itself, and God the mind,
And one is One, free in the tearing wind.

~ Theodore Roethke ~

Image
The greatest sin is to be unconscious. ~ Carl Jung

We may not choose the parameters of our destiny. But we give it its content. ~ Dag Hammarskjold 'Waymarks'
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Re: I need to die

Postby BenDhyan » Fri Aug 17, 2018 7:50 am

^ Nice... another poem dealing with death as a metaphor, in this case reflecting the mystical union that awaits those whose love for the ever elusive peace we look for in this world, will only be realized through transcending it. I get it, it is not meant to be understood as an east way out, but a tale from a soul who has been through what we are still going through, and who tries to inspire the reader to to stay the course, for a peace beyond understanding awaits...

Songs of the Soul

On a dark night,
Inflamed by love longing---
O exquisite risk!---
Undetected I slipped away,
My house, at last , grown still.

Secure in the darkness,
I climbed the secret ladder---
O exquisite risk!---
Concealed by the darkness,
My house, at last, grown still.

The sweet night: a secret.
No body saw me:
I did not see a thing.
No other light, no other guide
Than the one burning in my heart.

This light led the way
More clearly than the risen sun
To where He was waiting for me
---The one I knew so intimately---
In a place where no one could find us.

O night, that guided me!
O night, sweeter than sunrise!
O night, that joined lover and Beloved!
Lover transformed into Beloved! - St. John of the Cross, translation by Mirabai Starr.
Ben D
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Re: I need to die

Postby Blue » Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:06 pm

Thank you for your continued support. It just started raining thank the Godz. I don't need to die today.
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Re: I need to die

Postby BenDhyan » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:43 pm

Glad to hear that Blue, cheers..
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Re: I need to die

Postby liminalOyster » Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:35 pm

BenDhyan » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:43 pm wrote:Glad to hear that Blue, cheers..


Last edited by liminalOyster on Fri Aug 17, 2018 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"It's not rocket surgery." - Elvis
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Re: I need to die

Postby BenDhyan » Fri Aug 17, 2018 11:12 pm

^ :basicsmile
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