First inslallment:
compared2what? wrote:Plutonia wrote:Thanks lyrimal.
.
I am trying to invite people to think about misogyny in new ways, rather than demand that they see things my way. I mean, I really don't understand it myself, so I am learning as I'm going and don't actually know where I'm going to end up. I'm doing this because I really care about our predicament and I orient towards practical solutions and I don't see good outcomes from simply shaming men who haven't abused and raped women by lumping all of them in with those who have. In my experience, most men actually care about their wives, sisters, mothers and daughters.
Plutonia --
In one way or another, that must be at least the twelfth time that you've chosen to lead by distinguishing yourself as a woman who
doescare about misogyny but
doesn't shame and/or blame men for it,
thereby shaming, blaming and scapegoating (by my rough estimate) EVERY WOMAN ON THIS THREAD AND EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD..
Sorry just feeling defensive I guess. It was not my intention to malign every single woman on the planet, I assure you. Sometimes I just say dumb things. Though I think 12 times is an exaggeration but I’m not going to go back and check so you can have that one.
compared2what? wrote:Misogyny is societal, it has no gender. Furthermore, it has adverse consequences for all people, male and female, both directly and indirectly. No rational, non-sociopathic, well-intentioned and honest person who considered the matter for two consecutive seconds could possibly think otherwise.[/u]
Ah! We were in agreement there.
[/b]
compared2what? wrote:But it should kind of go without saying that the most adverse direct consequences of society's fear and hatred of women accrue primarily to women. If you don't identify what they are and examine them, you can't even define the problem, let alone solve it.
I see the consequences as devastatingly universal, so I guess on that point we disagree. Identify, examine, define, solve- Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!
compared2what? wrote:That's why we're not really talking about what constitutes misogyny anymore. I'm not complaining, btw. Nobody's perfect, and no gender is unilaterally at fault for the conflicts on this thread. By the same token, though, your implication -- ie, that women have been stubbornly insisting that we're not all in this together -- isn't really merited by the record, I don't think.
Much of the constructive dialogue of this thread has been tussling over what should or should not be included in the discussion with a lot of noise occluding the signal. Implication is a bit subjective, I’m quite sure that I never meant to imply any such thing.
compared2what? wrote:I agree with you that we're all in this together and should all be sympathetic to one another's issues. You might not have even been finger-pointing, ftm. Could be that I'm just sensitive. [/b]
Thank you for the benefit of the doubt. I try not to point fingers. And again we agree.
compared2what? wrote:(a) the number of women whom you feel it would be fair to say are posting to this thread for reasons other than that they really care about our predicament and are oriented towards practical solutions would have to be notably higher than zero in order for it a distinction worth mentioning;
That’s fair to say, though again, I never meant to imply that I thought that anyone was here for other reason’s than that they care.
compared2what? wrote: (b) the number of women posting to this thread -- and/or just hanging around idly anywhere on planet fucking earth, if you want to expand the field a little bit -- whom you feel it would be fair to say "see good outcomes from simply shaming men who haven't abused and raped women by lumping all of them in with those who have" would have to be notably, demonstrably, and indisputably higher than zero in order for that not to be an ugly slur on the female character in general at best and misogyny at worst;
Now I’m starting to feel like a bad person. Is that what I said? If so, I apologize, very very sorry, if I gave that impression.
compared2what? wrote: (c) you do the equivalent in every post you write; and
Ouch.
compared2what? wrote: (d) those posts are very, very frequently bracketed by those of other female posters who are neither saying nor showing any sign whatsoever that in their collective experiences, most men actually care about despise their wives, sisters, mothers and daughters
Well, maybe it was implied then. Or maybe I’m sensitive. Well, I am actually
compared2what? wrote:I'm serious, girlfriend. The next time you feel that good-hearted impulse to say, "Wait, don't blame him/her...," you might want to hold off on following it until you've had the chance to....Well, you know: Look around a little. See whether maybe anyone in the vicinity is being scapegoated. And if so, whom. Because people who really care about our predicament are too few and far between that we can afford for any of them to go astray following a good-hearted but utterly misguided and unexamined impulse. That's only fun until somebody gets hurt.
Note to self – “repress good-hearted impulse along with all the rest.”
You are using my words back at me in an unpleasant way. That’s negative mirroring. It hurts.
compared2what? wrote:Please, I implore you, if you wish to continue to make the case that women and/or feminists are anything/everything you say/suggest that they are, take a moment to muster up some data -- or even just a quote from another poster to the thread! -- in support of what you're saying/suggesting. And if you can't do that, quit saying/suggesting it.
Hmmm… this seems like a cognitive trap. I wasn’t in fact making the case you have inferred, so me not mustering data to support it is moot.
compared2what? wrote:Izzy Kalman, a certified school psychologist wrote:When you punish, do so with regret, as in, "I'm really sorry I have to do this to you, but you need to pay for what you did,"
Oh my god. You should never even say that to another human being, let alone a child, ever. Do not act with calm and conscious punitive intent towards children, ever, under any circumstances.
rather than saying angrily, "You broke the rules! You have to pay the consequences!"
Neither the words "You have to pay the consequences!" nor the sentiment they express when meant as spoken have any proper place anywhere in the whole entire realm of human interpersonal interaction. Do not even think them.
Seriously. If you're truly incapable of conceiving of either that or the will-to-punishment-on-purpose thing as inherently emotionally disturbed, you really probably shouldn't be raising children at all.
I saw that and was wondering if anyone would point it out. As it happens, I agree with you and fortunately I don’t have any children subject to any kind of harmful anything.
compared2what? wrote:Try your best to love yourself and others. Allowing others to love you is also a good idea. But if you can't handle it, it's not mandatory. Just go to a safe place and relax, it's all right. Just in the remote event that it's too late for you to reflect on the wisdom of those cautions in the fullness of time and arrange your affairs accordingly, though:
WTF? Arrange my affairs accordingly?! This is pretty much the sort of transgressive statement that would/should prompt a moderator to step in.
compared2what? wrote:Do not tell a child toward whom you're intentionally acting punitively that you're sorry he or she forced you to hurt him or her, ffs. What kind of a monster are you, anyway? Please get a grip on yourself. You'd be better off angrily responding, "You broke the rules!" and apologizing for losing your temper later. That's obviously not, like, the aspirational ideal of childcare. But they and you are only human, after all. Just stay away from that wrathful-and-avenging god stuff, and I'm almost postive that you'll manage to muddle through somehow. I mean, that's what everybody else does, and we're all here. See? It'll be okay. You're fine. I promise.
I’m a monster? Are you talking to me or an imaginary readership of that article? If you are talking to me, thanks for the parenting tips, they are quite unnecessary.
This is absurd and unnecessary and wrong and hurtful. I haven’t subjected anyone on this thread to a personal attack, yet I have had to repeatedly defend myself from them, including by censoring myself as a pre-emptive measure.
If you meant to be addressing me, c2w?, I’d like an apology.
compared2what? wrote:Plutonia wrote:But I have different thoughts about this issue, not I think offensive ones, and I suppose I have no other forge to go to where I can pound them into shape. But in order for me to express my thoughts, I have had to be exceedingly careful in order to do so. I have had to be sort of superhumanly gracious. And Morgon too, I doubt would be here now except for his extraordinary implacability.
First of all, since we're all capable of speaking for ourselves here, including Stephen, and we're all responsible for what we say, including you, I'm not really sure what he or any of that whole crowd of defensive and offensive linemen you've got running hither and yon elsewhere in your post are doing there. But they seem to be obscuring your view of the state of play on the field if providing encapsulated summaries of their positions with respect to one another as you perceive them struck you as responsive to what I wrote. They're not. So I'm going to overlook them. [quote] See above.
[the British] government always kept a kind of standing army of news writers who without any regard to truth, or to what should be like truth, invented & put into the papers whatever might serve the minister
T Jefferson,