Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Aug 21, 2018 8:33 am

Animal crackers break out of their cages
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https://www.apnews.com/807c70b54651496c8fb6d3a78225b84d



Meanwhile children in the US are still in cages in border states thanks to the “president”
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Tue Aug 21, 2018 4:35 pm

http://caldronpool.com/healthline-says- ... e-instead/

Healthline has claimed health disparities and higher rates of HIV and STIs observed in LGBTQIA communities are due to discrimination in the sex ed world. So, the California based health information provider has adopted the gender-inclusive term “front hole” in place of the medical term, “vagina” in their latest LGBTQIA safe sex guide.

“For the purpose of this guide, we’ll refer to the vagina as the ‘front hole’ instead of solely using the medical term ‘vagina,'” the document explains. “This is gender-inclusive language that’s considerate of the fact that some trans people don’t identify with the labels the medical community attaches to their genitals.”

“For example, some trans and nonbinary-identified people assigned female at birth may enjoy being the receptors of penetrative sex, but experience gender dysphoria when that part of their body is referred to using a word that society and professional communities often associate with femaleness. An alternative that’s becoming increasingly popular in trans and queer communities is front hole.”

The document went on to claim, lack of representation and anti-LGBTQIA bias in standard safe sex guides stigmatizes certain sexual behaviours and identities and is directly related to higher rates of HIV and STIs reported within LGBTQIA communities.

The guide goes on to suggest, “it’s imperative for safe sex guides to become more inclusive of LGBTQIA and nonbinary people and their experiences. This will help address barriers to accessing care and effective educational tools, while simultaneously normalizing and acknowledging the true diversity that exists with regard to gender and sexuality.”

Sorry ladies, the term “vagina” is quickly becoming a bigoted word. As is often the case with transgender ideology, its greatest impact is on women and girls. Men and women are inherently different, and women will pay an especially high price if we continue to pretend otherwise.
Don't believe anything they say.
And at the same time,
Don't believe that they say anything without a reason.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Sounder » Wed Aug 22, 2018 7:37 am

“For example, some trans and nonbinary-identified people assigned female at birth may enjoy being the receptors of penetrative sex, but experience gender dysphoria when that part of their body is referred to using a word that society and professional communities often associate with femaleness.


Hmmm, it seems more likely that the gender-dysphoria results from identifying as a 'man' while at the same time having your front hole penetrated. It is beyond absurd to think that a new name will cure the dysphoria.

An alternative that’s becoming increasingly popular in trans and queer communities is front hole.”


OK fine, then call the vagina a front hole within the 'community', but the larger community contains millions of women who might be offended by the term 'front hole'.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Wed Aug 22, 2018 7:45 am

The anatomical parts are still the same regardless of nomenclature. These people are running an agenda for money, attention, or other ends. They obviously understand how others can be tricked into believing this changes things. I'm offended that these ops are being run and that people are of such low awareness. :wallhead:
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:32 pm

Woman Running For Congress In Alaska Has Never Been To Alaska

Carol Hafner is running for a congressional seat in Alaska despite having never set foot in the state.

Hafner, a 64-year-old retiree, is a Democratic candidate in Alaska even though she has not once visited the state. She had been running on environmental and economic issues, but her campaign began to change after she gained the attention of a state Democratic leader because she used a New Jersey address in her candidacy filings, the Associated Press reported last month.

Her son, Eric Hafner, also ran for a congressional seat this year, in Oregon, using the same New Jersey address as his mother’s but lost the Democratic primary in May. His Oregon filing roused the suspicion of an Anchorage Democratic leader, Julie Olsen, according to the AP.

Hafner told HuffPost in an interview Monday that it is her right to run for office in Alaska, even if she doesn’t currently live there. And she’s not wrong.

The U.S. Constitution requires House representatives to be 25 or older, a U.S. citizen for at least seven years and an inhabitant of the state they represent “when elected.”

If Hafner wins the Democratic nomination in the state primary on Tuesday, she knows she may have to move across the country. She told HuffPost that she would “love to have that land in my lap.”

She said her campaign began out of interest in Alaska’s environmental situation. A New Jersey resident, she experienced Hurricane Sandy in 2012 and its devastating aftermath.

It was her research on climate change that made her realize that Alaska is already feeling the impact and that she wanted to do something about it.

“It’s just not stopping, and the people who really need help in dealing with all of this, unless we reach out and help each other, those people are just innocent victims in all this, and that’s just not acceptable to me,” Hafner said.

She said her research into the issue led her to challenge Alaska’s 23-term incumbent, Rep. Don Young (R). The 84-year-old congressman has been in office for 45 years and is the longest-serving member of the House.

He has made a number of controversial remarks over the years. Hafner said he is like “your crazy uncle Don” and there needs to be a change in leadership.

Amid the ongoing national debate on gun control after February’s school shooting in Parkland, Florida, he suggested the Holocaust could have been avoided if Jewish people had armed themselves. He also made headlines when he insinuated that wolves would help solve homelessness in the state.

Hafner said that many of the issues facing Alaskans, such as the economy and the school system, will have to be addressed at the state level but that she hopes voters will give her a chance, look at her history and realize she has been tested on her integrity.

During her 14-year tenure at Brookdale Community College in New Jersey, a former college president was convicted of stealing tens of thousands of dollars from the school. She said she received threats during the criminal investigation but stood her ground and told the truth, regardless.

“The learning curve, I can do it,” she said. “But you cannot teach someone ethics and integrity. It’s in their character. And I’ve always done the right thing.”

Hafner knows voters have concerns about her knowledge of local issues and stands by her dedication to the race. She said she’s willing to listen and learn.

In response to her critics, she invited people to read her website and encouraged people to reach out with questions.

“Look at the issues and see how I feel about this. If you like it, vote for me, and if not, then don’t vote for me,” Hafner said.


https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ca ... b93e966477

Would have to be oil interests no? Got me. Just saw it and it is a little oldish.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Mon Aug 27, 2018 5:35 pm

Thieves replace Paraguay police rifles with toy replicas
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-45320202
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Tue Aug 28, 2018 8:28 am

This Bride Canceled Her Wedding After Guests Refused to Pay Her $1,500 Attendance Fee

Christina Oehle

We don't need to tell you that weddings can get expensive. Even with the most meticulous budgeting, a few unexpected costs are bound to crop up. While most brides tend to accept this as fact, one Canadian woman, who is only known as "Susan," attempted to circumvent all wedding costs by asking her friends and family to pay up to attend her wedding. It went about as well as you'd expect.

"Susan" is causing quite the debate online after posting a bizarre Facebook rant about her now-canceled wedding. Yup, the couple called off the wedding just days before their I dos, after their guests refused to pay the $1,500 attendance fee Susan was demanding in order to pay for her CAD $60,000 ($46,020 USD) dream wedding.

In her long-winded, expletive-filled explanation, the (former) bride accused her friends and family of ruining her marriage and her life. “How could we have our wedding that we dreamed of without proper funding? We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. We talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true," she reportedly wrote on Facebook. "My maid of honor pledged $5,000 along with her planning services. We tearfully thanked and accepted. My ex's family offered to contribute $3,000. So our request for $1,500 for all other guests was not f***ing out of the ordinary. Like, we made it clear. If you couldn't contribute, you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It's a once and a lifetime [sic] party.”
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lif ... li=BBnb7Kz


Wedding: Narcissist's Party. :partyhat
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Sun Sep 02, 2018 7:51 am

Truck carrying Axe body spray explodes in Texas

Interstate 35 was shut down for eight hours.
http://www.wdrb.com/story/39003762/truc ... s-in-texas
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:06 pm

A VW BEETLE? :shock:

At least (in this incident anyway) they didn't involve minors--except for those who may have been subjected to their X-rated show.



Acts of Faith

Catholic priests accused of having sex in a car spark international uproar


By Cleve R. Wootson Jr.

September 5 at 2:55 PM

The men having sex inside the Volkswagen Beetle were so involved that a Miami-Dade police officer said he had to tap on the window to let them know that he could, in fact, see them — along with everyone else passing by on South Beach.

But the very public nature of what they are accused of is not what has outraged people on two continents. It's their occupation.

The Rev. Diego Berrio, 39, and the Rev. Edwin Giraldo Cortes, 30, are both charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after being arrested on Labor Day, according to Miami ABC affiliate WPLG. The arrests have led to swift action by the church and have drawn attention to its issues with priests' sexuality.

Berrio is a pastor of Misión San Juan Diego in Arlington Heights, Ill. One of his duties was bringing visiting priests to the diocese, although he also led a youth group whose mission was to “evangelize young Hispanics in the United States,” according to the Chicago Catholic.

Cortes, a priest from Soacha, Colombia, was serving in St. Aloysius Parish in Chicago. He told a judge that he was supposed to return to Colombia on Wednesday. Instead, he faces an indecent exposure charge.

Both men have been relieved of their church duties in Chicago.

The archbishop of Chicago “has removed Fr. Berrio from ministry and withdrawn his faculties to minister in the Archdiocese of Chicago, effective immediately,” according to a statement from Archbishop Blase J. Cupich. Officials there have also been in contact with Cortes's home diocese and announced that he “will no longer serve as a priest in the archdiocese of Chicago."

"It is our responsibility to ensure those who serve our people are fit for ministry,” Cupich said. “We take this matter very seriously and will provide updates as they become available."


https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion ... c2deb8ebe9





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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby DrEvil » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:54 pm

^^About that money-grubbing bride, here's another quote from her post:

'Since our love was like a fairytale, we wanted an extravagant blow out wedding... A local psychic told us to go with the most expensive option, and we thought why the hell not?' Susan explained.


I can't even.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Wed Sep 12, 2018 7:19 am

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/a- ... 9182287c5a

A stranger meant to donate $15 to a GoFundMe page. He accidentally gave more than $15,000.

September 8

....The company apparently doesn’t have customer service representatives; it has a “Customer Happiness Team.”

A member from it contacted Jim after he wrote a desperate email on Aug. 5 that explained his mistake and contained the words, “Please help!”

The reply read: “Thank you for contacting GoFundMe. We’ve received your message, and our Customer Happiness Team will respond shortly to assist you further.”

Later that same day, an email arrived from “Mary.”

“Not to worry,” it read. “I’d love to get this sorted out for you.”

She wrote that she had credited a tip that he had also mistakenly left for the company. “As for the $15,787 donation,” she wrote, “it’s not currently available in our system to refund right away.”

She then listed his three options: “1: You can reach out to the campaign organizer to see if they can refund you directly . . . 2: You may be able to contact your bank or credit card company to dispute the charge for your donation . . . 3: I can personally reach out to the campaign organizer and issue the refund for you as soon as they reply with their confirmation.”

And because she’s a member of the Happiness Team, she signed it, “With Kindness.”


Jim went with all three options. He emailed Isata Jalloh and hoped she would understand and give his money back. He contacted his credit card company, which informed him that he could only dispute the charges once they cleared, and so he waited a few days until they did. He also asked “Mary” to send an email.

Then days passed, and he heard nothing. He sent another email to the company to see whether there were any updates. There weren’t....


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Happiness Team office
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby DrEvil » Sat Sep 15, 2018 11:28 am

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/201 ... ng-husband

Author of How to Murder Your Husband charged with murdering husband

- Self-published writer Nancy Crampton Brophy, 68, arrested
- Chef Daniel Brophy, 63, shot dead at culinary institute

A self-published romance writer has been indicted on a murder charge in the death of her husband.

Nancy Crampton Brophy, 68, was arrested last week in the killing of her husband of 27 years, Daniel Brophy, at the Oregon Culinary Institute in June.

In November 2011 Crampton Brophy, the author of a series of novels about “wrong” love affairs, wrote a blogpost titled How to Murder Your Husband.

Its introduction read: “As a romantic suspense writer, I spend a lot of time thinking about murder and, consequently, about police procedure. After all, if the murder is supposed to set me free, I certainly don’t want to spend any time in jail. And let me say clearly for the record, I don’t like jumpsuits and orange isn’t my color.”

The Multnomah county district attorney, Rod Underhill, announced on Friday that a grand jury had returned the indictment against Crampton Brophy.

Daniel Brophy, 63, was a well-liked instructor at the OCI. He was alone in a kitchen early on 2 June when he was shot. There were no obvious suspects.

On Facebook on 3 June, his wife wrote: “I have sad news to relate. My husband and best friend, Chef Dan Brophy was killed yesterday morning. For those of you who are close to me and feel this deserved a phone call, you are right, but I’m struggling to make sense of everything right now.”

In her 2011 blogpost, she had written: “I find it is easier to wish people dead than to actually kill them. I don’t want to worry about blood and brains splattered on my walls. And really, I’m not good at remembering lies. But the thing I know about murder is that every one of us have it in him/her when pushed far enough.”

Crampton Brophy’s attorney, Jane Marie Claus, did not immediately return an email seeking comment. She has previously declined to discuss the case.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:36 am

^^^
Nicole Layton is a desperate woman. Her husband, Senator Linus Layton, not only abuses her but holds Nicole's brain-damaged niece hostage to keep Nicole in line. The teal-eyed beauty is no dumb blonde...
.

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Image

Guess she wasn't too smart after all.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 3:32 pm

Man accidentally shoots himself in Tacoma Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant
A 22-year-old man was hospitalized after he accidentally shot himself in a Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant in Tacoma.

The shooting happened about 5:20 p.m. in the restaurant at 4911 Tacoma Mall Blvd.

"A bunch of people start running down towards the end and then they said somebody has a gun, so everybody starts running," said Nick Jones.

Jones dashed to find his 4 year old son Owen. The father and son were at the restaurant celebrating a niece's birthday.

Nick's father, Larry Jones, said he tried to help the man who shot himself.

"Then we figured out that was a gunshot, and then people starting panicking."

Tacoma police said the man shot himself in the leg and no one else in the restaurant was wounded.

Some parents here are concerned and angry that the man took his gun into a restaurant that caters to kids and clearly asks patrons to keep firearms out.

The man had a concealed-carry permit so he was carrying the gun legally, police said. The only recourse the restaurant may have is a civil suit.


https://komonews.com/news/local/man-acc ... restaurant
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