MC and delusions (loads of TRIGGERS)

[Col. Quisp]

x

[Sounder]

This is a great thread and I’m so happy that it has gotten this far with a minimum of disruption.

Cordelia wrote…

I confess that I don’t like labeling people’s ‘mental illnesses’ through the use of standardized DSM criteria and I especially don’t trust the field of psychiatry. We’re all mentally ill, we’re all learning disabled, we’re all physically impaired, we’re all physically and emotionally addicted, to some degree, because we’re all human and most of these human handicaps fall somewhere along a vast spectrum, impacted by many variables, including genetics and environment (which includes purposeful mind control techniques).

Good call

Echoing the words of Willow, the following may be somewhat circumspect. Still the new voices and the understanding they bring are much appreciated. This dysfunctional system may after all be brought down by those most directly affected by its unseen negative aspects. If only because built up psychical stress will find outlets eventually.

Brigit, your testimony validates the one direct connection (by association) to MC I experienced in 1978.

I went to live with a person, close to me, in a large southern city. This person acted as the unpaid ‘advisor’ to a person that owned the largest bank in the city. The unpaid part was so that integrity could be maintained as this person ‘screened’ the potential parasites that always wanted to latch on to this hyper rich person. This partner family of another recognized power family had a two week meeting, once a year. For two months after the meeting this person was a suicidal depressed wreck. The explanation I got was that the family ‘plans’ were quite upsetting, but I suspect that something more went on. The same family secrets that built the empires may one day destroy the empire.

I only met this person on the day I was to leave town and was struck by how much sympathy I felt. It’s so sad and I can only wish for the best for this person that is so closely connected to evil.

But on to a happier topic, included because it relates to ‘delusions’ and relationships. Shortly after marrying my very much neuro-typical girlfriend of five years, some odd manifestations of psyche bubbled to the surface. So I got to see that look in the eyes that says; ‘Uh-Oh, I may be hooked up with someone that has ‘issues’ that I have no intention of dealing with’. The ‘look’ toned down as my wife found me to be a good father and partner. Things were also helped by a tacit agreement to read and not cross my wife’s comfort zone when she was not in the mood to hear 'weird' ideation. While trauma sufferers are dealing with a different kettle of fish, one thing is still the same and that is, love can break down many barriers.

Much Love to All

[Peregrine]

I think the relationship between plant spirits (including gardening) and healing from trauma is absolutely central. But then I suppose writing about that within this thread only stands to make MC survivors look even nuttier.......

not sure I follow? Do you mean belief in 'plant spirits' itself? Apologies if I'm veering off topic...

I've always found that any type of gardening or tending to plants was always so calming. I never used to have a green thumb, but I learned how to develop it. Whenever I'm feeling even a little 'blue', the action of caring & tending to greenery is always beneficial & tends to perk me up.

I've got a life coach I see once in a while that says that anyone who's gone through some sort of trauma tend to find a little solace in having a little garden or even some indoor plants.

[Brigit]

deleted

[Cordelia]

Deleted

[Cordelia]

Over the years that I was locked out of my garden, it reverted quickly to brush and brambles. The decade of backbreaking labor I'd put into it mostly vanished and the shed stood roofed but unfinished, which nearly broke my heart. A close friend who knows about my history was determined to get me back into my garden and worked with me to get me past the trauma of the accessing. This summer it finally happened--on July 4th I made it down the steps.LilyPat

LilyPut, your photos remind me of 'The Secret Garden'.

[Joe Hillshoist]

I saw a bbc production of that on telly when I was a kid Cordelia.

It really creeped me out.

[Cordelia]

I saw a bbc production of that on telly when I was a kid Cordelia.

It really creeped me out.

It's a dark story, but I was thinking of the film from the early 1990's. I loved it.

[LilyPatToo]

Couple of random things--The Secret Garden was one of my favorite stories as a kid. I read voraciously to avoid being present in my life. In fact, to avoid going home and being around my mother, I would hang out at the Public Library until I had just enough time to run home exactly at supper time. I was reading adult fiction (especially science fiction and ancient historical fiction about Egypt and Rome) before I was in 3rd grade. Any reality was preferable to mine. And it was only in the sci-fi that I was able to find mention of people moving in time, which I was able to do for very short distances--a few minutes into the future.

I don't think my sister fully believed me when I finally told her about how traumatic my childhood was a few years ago. But then she found a cache of old photos and we decided to sort them on my last evening of my most recent visit to PA. Within a few minutes, she was looking very uncomfortable and it turned out that in every single photo, she was smiling for the camera and I wasn't. I looked terribly unhappy in every one. She was horrified that she'd never noticed how traumatized and sad I was, but I told her it was just that she was 4 years younger and had somehow had an entirely different upbringing than I had.

My theory is that our mother handed her first-born over to the nice doctors who promised to make me a genius and by the time my sister was born, she'd realized her mistake. And she may have been trying to score points with the handsome OSS guy who'd married into the family, too. One reason I think the genius angle was how she was persuaded is that until she died she sent me what she called "genius money" every time someone admired my paintings. So, in my last surreal series one, I tucked some cash under the foot of a doll. If only I'd caught onto all this sooner, I could have asked her for the truth.

My Dad may have caught on though--back in 1982 when I was living in the Netherlands, I went to London to meet him and do the tourist thing. But one day he just wanted to walk by the Serpentine and seemed upset. Finally, he said with difficulty that he owed me an apology "for not protecting me from my mother" and I was stunned to see tears running down his cheeks He was an extremely stoic, very quiet, gentle man who never showed much emotion and he never mentioned the subject again.

Did you see the "fingernail moon" the other night? Here, when it was still very close to the horizon, it was an odd red-orange color. Almost all of my paintings have full or nearly full moons in them. I never knew why, but when I went to a "psychic faire" in Berkeley a few years back, a young student psychic looked startled when I sat down in front of her and blurted out, "Why--you're entirely full of MOONS! Full moons! Hundreds of them..." I think it was in the Greenbaum Speech that I first read about "Full Moon Programming."

LilyPat

[Brigit]

delete

[Cordelia]

This is all enormously helpful to me because I'd forgotten about the moons. Collages I began making, during the time I first started working with a therapist (about repressed memories form childhood) in the late 1980's, all included full moons. Four I mounted together as a set; each one was of a child with a woman or a mother, one holding an umbrella. In one, the child was blind folded. My therapist was very supportive, but when I began taking my collages to the sessions, I sensed her disapproval so I stopped. We didn't get any further with the memories and I called her to terminate but she never called me back. I've always felt like I had failed. Now I realize that probably I was taking my collages with me to tell my story because I couldn't use words to articulate what had happened..

[DeltaDawn]

A few years ago I would never have believed that so many people have had the same strange experiences as myself. So many things said here are either very familiar or stir 'something' I can't quite grasp yet.

Brigit, you mentioned (along with many other things that ring a bell) about being psychic. Can't go to that degree, but have always known things for no reason. My grandmother used to tell me I was clairavoyant and to always follow my gut feeling. I still do because she was so adament about it and it's always worked for me.

Don't remember who mentioned vertigo, but have a real problem with it and heights also. I have an obvious problem with claustrophobia and when enclosed somewhere, get sick because of feeling dizzy.

Cordelia, you said your brother was in the ER a lot and I remember being taken to the hospital a lot, although I never broke a bone as a child and only remember getting stitches once. I remember having my stomach pumped so many times, yet raising my child, never once did we have to have his stomach pumped. The orthodonist memory was sad to me, there is even a picture (very few of them) of me around 4 years old standing outside a door that reads Dentist, I was crying and looked scared to death. Much too young to have had a dental trauma to that extent. Then you said a family member came home from Vietnam changed, gosh can so relate. I also came home as a marksman and can't even remember any training. We never had guns around as a child but I know an awful lot about them.

Seems as if everyone here with traumatic childhoods, read as an escape from their real worlds. In fact I still use a good novel to 'get away'. The only good thing my parents ever bragged on was the fact I was an avid reader before even going to school. I don't know because I can't remember school until 5th grade, except for JFK's death when I was in the 2nd grade. That was only because we had Kennedy cousins at my school and they shut it down until the kids could be picked up and told by their families. An awful event around our house, but haven't figured out why yet.

LP2, your story of a younger sister who was happy while you were sad in pictures.....That's been one of those things that has made me doubt childhood trauma. My younger sister seems to be raised in a different household. And to this day she has been able to continue a relationship with our father, has no fears of him, and no doubts of his love for her. For years I've wondered why not her too, then would doubt my own memories but like you said, the pictures show the real story.

Everyone please keep talking/writing because it has helped me deal with some memories that I thought might be a child's wild imagination. Things that have been too 'crazy' to even contemplate are now making a little more sense.

Still don't get it but the moon strikes something deep, along with wolves, owls and fire. ""shudder""

[LilyPatToo]

When I first found out about all of this in August/September of 2004, the survivor who found me cautioned me not to read any of the books written by other survivors, in order to avoid contaminating my own memories. But it wasn't until I finally got hold of the books (after the first rush of my own memories had ended), that I was able to identify a lot of other incidents and symbols that freed up more memories. IMHO, the naysayers and skeptics will always claim that all our memories are mistaken/confabulated/exaggerated, whether we educate ourselves about what happened to us or not. So, while I understand the reasoning behind the advice I was initially given, at this point I wonder if it isn't more important for people just beginning to remember to have access to details like the interesting ubiquity of full moons in so many survivors' narratives.

Then there was the dentist I had all through childhood, in whose office I had so much missing time that often I was unable to say which tooth (or even which part of my mouth) had been worked on that day. In fact, I had something that I now realize is extremely odd--a standing weekly appointment to see him For years. No matter how bad a child's teeth are, surely that's excessive. And we were very poor then--how the hell did my mother pay for all those hours? Then, a few years back, I read online that many survivors of systematized abuse had perps who belonged to White Power groups, so I began researching the major ones and was stunned to find a large active chapter in the lovely, rural county where I was born (evutch, too). That was a shock, but when I registered and got into that website, I found that some of the most prominent members had the same German last name as my dentist. Ditto for my truly creepy family doctor's name.

While I realize that Sue Ford's book is likely to contain some carefully crafted disinformation designed to discredit the real things she remembers, I do think that she, like Cathy O'Brien, believes that she's telling the absolute truth. And her husband was a dentist who installed what she now believes were intelligence agency-ordered implants in unsuspecting patients' crowns. She assisted at many of the procedures and saw the miniaturized technology close-up.

In my early 20's, my abusive, controlling government scientist husband insisted that I see a dentist who frightened me badly. He knocked me out for every procedure, no matter how much I protested and he and his dental assistant would recite a sing-song chant as I was going under--the exact same words (song lyrics) every time. I was often so violently ill after an appointment that I'd come to on my hands and knees on the grass outside the building, vomiting and shaking, with my baby son sitting a few feet away, watching me and very upset. I also had many of the symptoms of radiation poisoning during the years that I was forced to go to him--not sure if the radiation I was exposed to during that time period (1967-74) happened at his office or not.

Re: hospital visits--I think evutch mentioned earlier in the thread that the county hospital in my home town was run by deeply corrupt individuals, including 2 fairly famous out-of-state gangsters. And, even in hospitals that are run by people not connected to mind control programs, there may be people working in various departments who are program complicit. I had a really bizarre run-in at a local HMO hospital with the then-head of Neurology and I'm almost certain he was "program." He put me on high doses of a drug that later turned out to have been used in the programs back then--in fact, it was mentioned in an X-Files arc episode as such. This neurologist also failed to prescribe anything at all to relieve the horrific migraine pain I was suffering from, even though such drugs were regularly prescribed by other members of his department. My psychiatrist was extremely upset about that and prescribed them for me himself the next time I saw him.

LilyPat

[Sounder]

Thanks Brigit, that is a theme I like to bounce around as much as I can.

Here is one more that may be relevant.

Most of what gets called human nature is not that at all, rather it is culturally constructed human habit. Human nature is to learn what it is to be human, and that inner drive involves integrating the potentials of the heart and the head, instead of letting one run roughshod over the other.

Learning about being human will light up the corpus coliseum and bring new expressions of consciousness.

[Crow]

Most of what gets called human nature is not that at all, rather it is culturally constructed human habit. Human nature is to learn what it is to be human, and that inner drive involves integrating the potentials of the heart and the head, instead of letting one run roughshod over the other.

Learning about being human will light up the corpus coliseum and bring new expressions of consciousness.

Gosh, I hope so.