Moderators: Elvis, DrVolin, Jeff
Facebook can mess up your life in a whole bunch of ways. It can get you fired or evicted, plunge you into debt with its addictive games, and even (yeah, right) infect you with syphilis. We wouldn’t look at all of those as serious threats, but we all know from experience that one threat is real: Facebook makes dating far more complicated than it used to be.
You can cleverly use Facebook’s privacy settings to mitigate the pains, and you can even make an impossible-to-maintain rule that you won’t accept friend requests from people you’re dating, but it’s almost guaranteed that Facebook will somehow catch up to your budding relationship and challenge it with some confusion eventually.
The site can be a boon for dating in some ways too, of course, but for now we’re talking about how it makes things complicated. Here are five ways that Facebook’s erosion of personal boundaries and privacy has made finding security in love and sex more difficult.
1. Overanalyzing Will Drive You Crazy
He posted on your wall four times today — does that mean he’s too into you? She keeps posting status updates about the cute guys in her office — should you be worried that you’ll be outdone? You’ve hardly seen any updates on his profile since you had a fight — is he hiding the updates from you, is he so depressed that he’s not engaging, or is it just a coincidence? Why does she keep untagging herself from photos with you in them?
If you’re already feeling insecure or suspicious, your partner’s Facebook feed will do more than fuel the fire — it’ll pour about ten gallons of gasoline right on top of it.
It’s obviously best not to indulge any obsessive or stalking behaviors, but love (and lust) drive people to do silly things. Sometimes you just can’t help but wonder what this or that update means for your relationship. Chances are it means nothing, but that won’t stop those nagging insecurities.
2. You See All the Action Your Ex Is Getting
That guy just posted on her wall thanking her for the wonderful time they had last night, but she just broke up with you last week. Man, that smarts.
Most of the items on this list have something to do with privacy. In this case, it’s not your privacy, it’s hers. It’s tough to get over someone you’ve just lost, but it’s even harder when you know she’s having a smashing time without you. Facebook makes sure of that.
Maybe it’s important for Facebook users to carefully watch their feeds to make sure that nothing comes up that will cause any hurt to any exes, or maybe their exes are responsible for clicking “hide” in the news feed until they’re over it. If at least one of those things doesn’t happen, it can get painful for one person, minimum.
3. Relationships and Breakups Are Public
Dramatized in the above scene from the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, it’s the most classic Facebook dating dilemma: Who pulls the trigger to make a relationship official on Facebook first? It would be embarrassing if you declare yourself to be in a relationship and your (you thought) significant other doesn’t reciprocate.
Changing Facebook relationship status has, for better or worse, joined first date, first kiss, first night together, exclusivity talk, and first “I love you” on the list of important relationship milestones. It’s one of the most awkward milestones because it’s public by necessity.
That first status change isn’t the only challenge. When a relationship ends, how soon is it okay to switch back to single? Doing so right away seems callous, but holding on for too long makes you look fixated. And God forbid that somebody break the news that she’s dumping her partner by publicly switching her status over to “Single.” But we’ve all heard stories of that happening.
We’ve also heard stories of people seeing their dates switch to “In a Relationship” with someone else. That can’t feel good.
4. It’s a Record of Every Relationship Mistake You’ve Made
If he can’t help but snoop, he can look back and see all those consolation posts from friends about your last breakup. Maybe he’ll see your previous partner’s angry wall posts after you let him know that you wouldn’t be seeing him again. Maybe this new friend of yours will see your immature responses. Worst of all, he might see just how much of a loser your last man was and decide you’re playing in different leagues.
Facebook serves up a record of everything you’ve done since you created your profile. It’s best to carefully curate all that information to make sure none of it comes back to haunt you later, but that takes a lot of work, and some things are bound to slip through the cracks.
To make things even more frustrating, you can’t modify the privacy settings for things you’ve already posted. You might have hidden that incriminating status update from your last boyfriend, but since your new one just friended you today, you’ll have to remember to go back and delete it if you’re afraid he’ll be browsing.
5. Other People’s Comments Will Make Your Date Jealous
This has caused many a breakup. Some people tend towards jealousy, and as with item #1 on this list, the flame of insecurity will get doused in gasoline.
Let’s say some girl has a bunch of innocuous guy friends who are innocently posting flirtatious messages on her wall. Most folks are okay with flirting, but some can’t handle it, and something about seeing it written out on Facebook makes it worse. That girl’s boyfriend will either become passive aggressive or burst out in jealous rage, setting the stage for the end of an otherwise positive relationship.
This one illustrates the same point as all the others: Facebook brings us too close to people too quickly. Dating is as much about maintaining healthy and safe boundaries as it is about intimacy — at least at first — and social networking makes that harder than ever. It’s not dissimilar to dating someone who works in your office; you can’t control the exposure you’ll have, and that can be a recipe for disaster.
How Tweet It Is!: Library Acquires Entire Twitter Archive
April 14th, 2010 by Matt Raymond
Have you ever sent out a “tweet” on the popular Twitter social media service? Congratulations: Your 140 characters or less will now be housed in the Library of Congress.
That’s right. Every public tweet, ever, since Twitter’s inception in March 2006, will be archived digitally at the Library of Congress. That’s a LOT of tweets, by the way: Twitter processes more than 50 million tweets every day, with the total numbering in the billions.
We thought it fitting to give the initial heads-up to the Twitter community itself via our own feed @librarycongress. (By the way, out of sheer coincidence, the announcement comes on the same day our own number of feed-followers has surpassed 50,000. I love serendipity!)
We will also be putting out a press release later with even more details and quotes. Expect to see an emphasis on the scholarly and research implications of the acquisition. I’m no Ph.D., but it boggles my mind to think what we might be able to learn about ourselves and the world around us from this wealth of data. And I’m certain we’ll learn things that none of us now can even possibly conceive.
Just a few examples of important tweets in the past few years include the first-ever tweet from Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey (http://twitter.com/jack/status/20), President Obama’s tweet about winning the 2008 election (http://twitter.com/barackobama/status/992176676), and a set of two tweets from a photojournalist who was arrested in Egypt and then freed because of a series of events set into motion by his use of Twitter (http://twitter.com/jamesbuck/status/786571964) and (http://twitter.com/jamesbuck/status/787167620).
Twitter plans to make its own announcement today on its blog from “Chirp,” the Official Twitter Developer Conference, in San Francisco.
So if you think the Library of Congress is “just books,” think of this: The Library has been collecting materials from the web since it began harvesting congressional and presidential campaign websites in 2000. Today we hold more than 167 terabytes of web-based information, including legal blogs, websites of candidates for national office, and websites of Members of Congress.
We also operate the National Digital Information Infrastructure and Preservation Program www.digitalpreservation.gov, which is pursuing a national strategy to collect, preserve and make available significant digital content, especially information that is created in digital form only, for current and future generations.
In other words, if you’re looking for a place where important historical and other information in digital form should be preserved for the long haul, we’re it!
http://joindiaspora.com/project.html wrote:join diaspora – the project
We are 140-character ideas. We are the pictures of your cat. We are blog posts about the economy. We are the collective knowledge that is Wikipedia. The internet is a canvas – of which, we paint broad and fine strokes of our lives with. It is a forward extension of our physical lives; a meta-self comprised of ones and zeros. We are all that is digital: If we weren’t, the internet wouldn’t either.
current state.
We already have a rudimentary prototype of Diaspora running on our machines, and are working like mad to make it all we can be. Our current implementations include GPG encryption, scraping Twitter and Flickr, awesome design aesthetics, and the initial stages of connection infrastructure (“friending” other Diaspora instances).
first sprint.
It is our one and only goal to get Diaspora in the hands of every man, woman, and child at summer’s end. September 2010 will signify the release of the project in its first iteration, fully open-sourced under the AGPL. This release will be comprised of several key features for Diaspora, mainly:
* Full-fledged communications between Seeds (Diaspora instances)
* End to end GPG
* External Service Scraping of most major services (reclaim your data)
* Version 1 of Diaspora’s API with documentation
* Public GitHub repository of all Diaspora code
second sprint.
Once the core application is finished, we will focus on extending Diaspora, unleashing a battery of add-on modules and updates to the core system with the open-source community. We will migrate back to New York City to set up house, and will devise plans to make it even easier for the general public to utilize Diaspora, a la a dead-simple, five-minute setup. Like the first sprint, the second sprint will also be all about reclaiming all that is us.
flooring it to 88mph.
The future will offer a multitude of amazing new capabilities for Diaspora. A taste of what’s floating around in our heads right now:
* OpenID
* Voice-over IP
* Distributed Encrypted Backups
* Instant Messaging protocol
* UDP integration
“The only limit is yourself.”
Luther Blissett wrote:I'd never reveal my relationship status on FB. The entire category, along with things like political and religious views, have been hidden since day 1. Some girls I've dated have used it, but most 20 and 30-somethings who date a lot just keep it hidden like me. It always blows my mind that someone would want to make their romantic comings and goings public.
norton ash wrote:Facebook -- for everyone who loves small talk, looking at photo albums, idiotic conversation, doing the Jumble, and family newsletters. Having your personal data collected and living your life like a zoo animal behind glass is just a bonus.
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