Sorry to Wombaticus for pooping in this thread. He raised valid concerns with which I agreed and I hope we can all work harder to curb thread proliferation in the future. Searching is easy. Hitting "View active topics" is also easy. Unfortunately starting a new thread is always easier, but only in the immediate term. When you want to go back over the history of a topic here, it will have made it just that much more difficult for you and everybody else. At the rate of 2-3 new arrivals per day, that's a lot of lost meme-mentum, so let's all try to keep that in mind.
Unfortunately as well, being snarky is also easy. Usually I think people are going to take it well, so I go right on ahead and do it, thinking we'll all have a good giggle over the shared predicament of the flawed and subjective human experience asa result. I'm always surprised when it instead blows up in my face, especially in such an over-dramatic, shit-splattered-everywhere kind of way. What a mess!
So, sorry SLAD. Really. I appreciate your contributions and I have learned from things you've posted. I obviously touched a huge throbbing nerve with that one, for which I'm awfully sorry, I didn't realize your writing style was such an emotionally-charged issue for you.
Sorry sorry sorry sorry.
“blunting the idealism of youth is a national security project” - Hugh Manatee Wins
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started. They could still get him out of office. But instead, they want mass death. Don’t forget that.
I'm going to take this time to apologize to you all for not being here very much as of late. I've been terribly preoccupied with a useless person & unfortunately wasting my time.
I'm also going to apologize to myself for letting my guard down & being vulnerable to the wrong person. I'm going to apologize to myself for wasting 9 months on someone who got as much as they could & used me for as long as they could before I discovered they were cheating on me. I'm going to apologize for getting less than 2 hours of sleep for the past two weeks & not eating & dropping weight. I'm going to apologize to myself for having a break down & checking myself into the psychiatric unit at the local hospital & having to go on anti anxiety medication. I apologize for driving myself crazy with the thought that the person I still foolishly love is screwing someone in the sheets I lent him. I'm going to apologize for picking at my wound by looking on craigslist to see that he is already posting for casual hookups.
Mostly I apologize to my daughter for not being more focused on her & instead too much on a sociopath who convincingly led me to believe he loved me & my daughter. I need a fresh start. I hope you folks are doing better than me on the wee hours of this Sunday. I will now be drugging myself into a stupor for hopes of temporary relief from this godawful heartache.
~don't let your mouth write a cheque your ass can't cash~
OMFG, Peregrine. There are no answers, only fucking time. It's the worst thing in the world. There are no answers. But know, seriously, honestly know, there are people here for you. I am one. Fuck, just hang in there for a bit. Distract yourself and know you are loved. Fuck, I am sorry. Don't worry. Please don't worry. Get me on PM anytime for any reason, my friend.
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
Peregrine, I'm not a familiar here, but have been here for years. I have always found your contributions here to be very informative and rewarding, well worth the read. I feel sad that you are experiencing such pain in your life. At this time, stay to your center, take care of yourself and your daughter. Breathe Deep. And know you're not alone. Blessings on your Journey-Kafor
"Who you jivin' with that cosmic debris"
Frank Zappa
Right around the time I began to prolifically start posting here was a time where my heart was, for lack of a better adjective, "literally" ripped out. RI was a place I just decided to make my "girlfriend" as it were -- thats when I began posting and commenting.
The anxiety and the depression were unbearable. I believe in unconditional love first. Without that, there is nothing. You have that in your daughter. You have not failed her. My dad fucking rescued me. He flew out to Seattle twice in like two months because I could not drive, I could not move, I could not eat. It's funny when you look at my tax statements from that year, you can totally see where I was depressed just in hours worked alone. I hate the word "persevere" because it's the very last thing you want to do. And you don't wanna hear such things from people. You wanna hear that it's gonna be alright. You know you can't go back to what you became accustomed to, yet you feel there is no point in going forward. It's the worst thing in the world. I would often get so tense that I thought I was about to implode. It manifests itself physically.
But here is the thing and I am no substitute for a life of all frolicky goodness. It does go away. Lean on those you know who will always love you no matter what.
After my heart was ripped out, I spent a year, two years contemplating the unthinkable, I could not leave a weird certain area of the city, I was totally locked in. Now I can go anywhere. I still have the residual stress and habits from coping with that stress. But it takes time. What helps ultimately and we all note this once some time has passed, is that unconditional love and friendships, the willingness to trust in those friends is more infinite than the biggest number you can think of. I don't believe in learning emotional lessons, but you simply wind up goddamnit, experiencing those lessons anyways whether you "believe" in them or not. I also do not believe in "pep-talks". That shit don't work. I don't believe in finding the "root of your psychic pain" or what have you. I just simply believe, it comes. It just comes. It will not come on your terms, when or how you want it, it will come when it does.
Rely on those who unconditionally love you. Apologize where you must when you feel ready to. Funny thing is, is that when that time comes, you'll be more ready to laugh than take it as seriously as you are taking things now. If someone were writing what I am writing now to you then, I would have never believed it. We all want out NOW! Shit takes time. Take your time. Do what you have to. But know that, again, there are those who love you infinitely. Please hang in there, Peregrine. It will be OK.
For some reason and I don't mean to make you look at more 82_28 induced Rush clips, but I just listened to this song last night and it is echoing in my brain right now and I'm gonna throw it down because the lyrics are intensely loving. You'll be OK. Plus you're Canadian.
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
I'm so sorry Peregrine, doesn't help being this time of year, can empathize but know, there are many here that care, look forward to your contributions and care!!! Gbu hon, when you think you are alone in the world...look around, not so much our friend ) You have cyber friends, that sometimes can be much easier than the ones in your face????
For we have not been given the spirit of fear; but of love, peace and a sound mind
Thanks all. I feel better but still pained. He still digs by calling my number & pretending he's contacting another girl. Only once but he knew what he was doing. Unreal how cruel people can be. I'll be around a lot more in January patrolling but a little quieter, as I don't feel much like talking. Thanks again for all your kindness & also for the warm personal messages.
~don't let your mouth write a cheque your ass can't cash~
If "the first" are really last and "the last" are really first, then "sorry ass losers" are at the cutting edge of greatness.
"The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego."
) You have cyber friends, that sometimes can be much easier than the ones in your face????
