RAT/MC Survivor Presentation

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Re: boundries

Postby chiggerbit » Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:21 pm

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><em>when an image is created which resonates with people, it does so because it wakens their sensibilities to what has always been there, and which on some level they know?</em><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br><br>Yes, I can see that there must be a powerful kind of communication from the artist to the viewer that must be very threatening to the perps. There are no claims being made that can be pooh-poohed. It is a much deeper level of communication of emotion that cannot be discounted. <p></p><i></i>
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Re: boundries

Postby LilyPatToo » Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:56 pm

This thread is completely fascinating to me--thank you so much for beginning it, Project Willow. After just reading the first page, I had to stop and do some deepbreathing to calm myself down enough to be able to think straight and type a response. Lynn’s paintings made me cry like a baby, something I rarely do. And not nice cathartic crying--it hurt to do, if you know what I mean. Please, can anyone link to images? I realize that some may be for private use, but if any of the artists you guys are mentioning are willing to share their work, I’d love to see it. And I’ll post links to a few of my paintings below, too.<br><br>When you quoted that part about inspiration and elaboration, a lot became clear to me about my own chronic painter’s blocks and crises. I never thought about it before, but it’s in the elaboration stage that I f*ck up my own creative process. It’s like the initial inspiration is so pure, but my internal censors (some of them alters and some definitely “program”) take over with a vengeance and chip away at the inspiration until all the deep “me-ness” of the image is excised and what is left is, more often than not, a “pretty picture”.<br><br>My website isn’t up yet, but I’m painting again after a 10 year complete block and now it’s with the consciously-available knowledge that I’m “progam’. So far, only one image--the unfinished ”Lily’s Window” actually deals with the mind control theme in an obvious way. When I took it to a recent World Science Fiction Convention art show, it was extremely interesting to see who had unusual emotional reactions to it, either positive or negative. One woman who has collected my work for decades actually stood in front of it with tears in her eyes and pleaded with me to sell it to her. She just happens to be a member of a fabulously wealthy family that is a cornerstone of the military/industrial complex and I’ve suspected for some time that she may have been in government MC programs. Here’s a link to a photo of the (unfinished) work -- <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/8202/swindow5yx.jpg">Lily's Window</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--> and here’s one to a close-up shot -- <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://img79.imageshack.us/img79/6302/swindowclsup7ed.jpg"> Detail shot</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--> Here’s a fantasy one using Playboy model Susie Owens as the faerie -- <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/2326/nightarisingwtextqt2.jpg">Night Arising</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--><br><br>Generally, I paint astronomical art--space scapes and planet scapes. They are infinitely far-removed from my life and as such are very soothing for me to paint. Here are links to a couple of them, but I’ve literally painted thousands of them over my lifetime -- <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/1390/ruinsallthatremains5lz.jpg">Ruins - All That Remains</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--> and -- <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://img327.imageshack.us/img327/6665/tmp18219sl.jpg">(unsure of this one's title--old one)</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--><br><br>This thread makes me want to find the bravery to paint some of my personal, internally-inspired images. When there were no reprisals when I painted and exhibited “Lily’s Window” I began to work on some ideas and I hope to paint them this winter. I’d love to connect with other local artists doing this kind of work, but am too panicked by the thought of attending any conferences. I do belong to Survivorship and I guess I could post there asking for other artists to get in touch. (BTW, don’t worry about my name being on the copyright text on the images--I had no idea I was program when I began posting online and my real name is very well-known as a result. Live and learn, huh?) <p></p><i></i>
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Re: boundries

Postby chiggerbit » Sun Sep 17, 2006 6:27 pm

Wow, great work, LP2! Hey, I just saw what looked like a fairy ring the other day as I was drivng through town. <p></p><i></i>
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beautiful

Postby sw » Sun Sep 17, 2006 9:20 pm

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Re: beautiful

Postby Project Willow » Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:44 am

Beautiful technique LilyPat. Thanks for sharing. I hope you get through those blocks. <p></p><i></i>
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window

Postby blanc » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:40 am

glad you are painting LilyPat. I especialy like Lily's Window. <p></p><i></i>
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Re: window

Postby LilyPatToo » Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:04 pm

Thank you for the compliments on my artwork--it means a lot to me, coming from you who are aware of the effects of MC and of how that can hobble/twist the creative impulse. chiggerbit, I notice faerie rings too! Soon the rainy season will begin here and they'll reappear--can't wait! sw, thank you for reminding me that I can give other survivors a sort of visual voice if I can just bring myself to paint the painful "program" images--that may help a lot the next time I try. It's funny how much easier it is to stand up for others than it is to do it for myself....blanc, thank you for the encouragement--after so many years away from art, I need it. Don't want to *ever* block that long again.<br><br>Project Willow, are those your images in the article above?? I wanted to PM you, but you have it turned off. <br><br>*Possible trigger warning* <br><br>I also wanted to ask if you are familiar with (or perhaps did yourself?) the survivor pencil drawings that show memories of being electrically tortured w/car battery as a child? Unfortunately, I've lost my bookmark to that site, but that woman's drawings were the first validation I'd ever found for some strange scars that I have. I've wanted ever since to contact that artist to thank her, but can't figure out where I saw the drawings online.<br><br>*End triggering part*<br><br>I'm also very curious about why it is that so many survivors of abuse are so strongly drawn to faerie imagery--does anyone have any insights on that?<br><br>LilyPat <p></p><i></i>
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Re: window

Postby Project Willow » Mon Sep 18, 2006 5:56 pm

LilyPat, yes, that's my work.<br><br>My pm should be working fine. <br><br>There are a few survivor drawings on the net. I'll pm you a link to a site that could be the one you're thinking of. <p></p><i></i>
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On the walls?

Postby Avalon » Mon Sep 18, 2006 9:09 pm

Your work is very poignant, LilyPat. Quiet, but strong.<br><br>PW, I can see how those who have had experiences like yours can resonate with your paintings. As art, they are very powerful, but as portraying an experience they are incendiary.<br><br>My question is, I can see how it means so much to people to see their feelings shared and validated. Is it mostly survivors who buy your paintings? I can handle a lot of edgy art and visual subjects, but I'm finding it hard to think of someone being comfortable putting your paintings on the wall. Maybe I'm being too empathic, and seeing too much pain there.<br><br>Slightly offtopic though still of mind-control interest, but I wanted to just note a link that I'd followed today while doing a bit of surfing, before I forget. It's a listing from Amazon of the top rare books in the list of those where they have buyers waiting who are very eager to get the next copy. There were several books on mind control for which some buyer was willing to pay $600-1000 for a copy. I don't know that there is any way to determine whether the buyer is a Good Guy or a Bad Guy, alas.<br><br><br> <p></p><i></i>
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too much pain

Postby sw » Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:50 pm

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Strength, and comfort

Postby Avalon » Tue Sep 19, 2006 12:27 am

Yes, the strength is there, most definitely. It's such a higher octane than we are used to seeing.<br><br>Those times when someone reaches out (and they may not even know they are connecting) and we suddenly know we aren't alone -- those are some of the most important human experiences we can have. That's one of the most empowering things about the net. <p></p><i></i>
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Re: On the walls?

Postby Project Willow » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:50 am

Thank you Avalon.<br><br>I do have non-survivor collectors who buy my art, but very few at this point. The last paintings I sold went to friends, one of whom is as sympathetic to my cause as he can be. I have sold to therapists, and others who are aware of what dissociation means. I don't believe the most difficult images will ever sell, and that's ok. My work changes as I recover, and it's good to have paintings of feelings and memories that would not emerge with the same intensity again. I would like to use them for educational purposes. <br><br>I think one of the books you might have seen listed is Bowart's Operation Mind Control. Last I looked, it was at least $100.<br><br>sw, just now reminded of what your initials stand for ;-) <p></p><i></i>
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images that sell

Postby blanc » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:09 am

selling work is difficult for all artists, I mean work of those who attempt to truly express the image of an experience, rather than those obviously oriented toward comfortable commercialisation. plenty of examples throughout the history of art of artists who never, or hardly ever sold, whose work later became highly collectable, and plenty of examples of work which deals with traumatic experience, which perhaps the average person woudn't put on their wall - the average person lives in a fairly small space, needs to make it comfortable and liveable and multi functional. to put disturbing images up where you will encounter them every day you have to be sure that you can deal with them. I would not avoid that kind of work, but many would - and I can sympathise, because in literature, I have to be in a certain mood to read the work of some authors, strong enough to take it. visual art has had a bad time for many years, too, because people fear the judgement others may make on their taste, so want to play safe. I wish you both good working times, the work is valuable IMO, and worthy of respect. <p></p><i></i>
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Detox of the body, mind, and heart

Postby marykmusic » Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:00 am

I haven't been here for a while. Not because I don't think fondly of many of you, but because first my summer job away from home took me away from my computer, and then because I went through what is described in the title.<br><br>During an intensive herbal detox (ostensibly to treat a UTI), "issues" from my past were brought up to deal with as well. It was the worst week of my life physically, because my herbalist started me off with a VERY heavy dose to get right to the problem... but the week following nearly broke my marriage as my husband discovered (and it took some time to convince me) that I was a multiple. For three days we worked as we'd never worked before to get through it... and we did. Better and stronger than ever.<br><br>Yes, we knew that I was an M-kid, at the age of 3. But we didn't know that missing-time episodes of just a few years ago had a story, as well. Being stuck in traffic over a railroad track was the worst trigger ever. My husband didn't understand why I was suddenly freaking out, curled up in the passenger seat, screaming/sobbing "Get me off the tracks!" and he kept saying, "It's okay, no trains are coming." It was most definately NOT okay. It never has been. I have always been afraid of train tracks. It took the rest of the ride home for me to calm down (we were an hour from home) and explain, to both him and myself, about the torture method used on me, to which I had so radically responded.<br><br>I found my/our stories.<br><br>I found the resiliance to not only address my stories, but to get through them. So did Dragon.<br><br>And we both found new targets: my oppressors.<br><br>Getting through the stories is hard, but getting beyond them and in a position to DO something about them is a whole 'nother feeling.<br><br>And my turn-on-the-faucet creativity is back. I am now known as the Bard of Old Town. And when I walk, evildoers tremble. --MaryK <p></p><i></i>
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the intensity

Postby sw » Tue Sep 19, 2006 10:14 am

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