by havanagila » Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:56 pm
After reading GW's speech, it seems like there is no way out of the coming conflict with Iran, and I am in total despair, over my personal situation. Having to be a bit selfish, not really caring about "the world", I am afraid and wary and experiencing a sense of deep futility (?). Spending one's entire life in war, is really a waste of time, one is better not born at all.<br>What concerns me is the nature of this war, much like Iraq, is not a cataclismic severe event, rather a process of gradually increasing number of various atoricities, both military but also otherwise, economical, social, psychological. Whereas in the past, "war" was a brief scare, with relief thereafter, now war is a dehumanizing, long, endless , ever worse, process.<br>--<br>since I lost all attachment to nationalism...I have no stakes in the outcome (who "wins"), except survival. And ironically, it is not at all clear whose victory promises more survival...and to whom. <br>I will hope for a miracle, like a sudden medical problem of Bush that will reshuffle things and give us a breather here, till things settle down, but perhaps Bush beat the fate he was assigned by the angry gods. It is amazing how he runs the chorus...and they all obey. Maybe I will win the lottery and be able to get out. <br><br>I have one echo of a voice ringing in my mind. It was a lady from a center supposed to help newcomers abroad from "troubled regions". After they sold me back to the government, she said over the phone "are you still alive ?" with some disappointment in her voice....She thought, speculated, that once back in the hands of my gov't I'll be executed somehow. Well, tough luck for her, but staying alive, sometimes, is not so much different than dying. Now, they are telling us here "there is smell of war", meaning, fuck off or you'll get hurt. During time, human life is not so important.<br>for me , it remained as the voice of the world, as it watches others dying in war. I am sure this is how Iraqis now feel as well. indifference. thick glass. you are on your own. we are too busy. <br> <p></p><i></i>