Thanks for that article, Willow. The article I read omitted the DID, so that part was new to me. And again, who knows what the truth here is. So easy to off one with a history of mental illness and have an investigation go no further. Crazy did it.
Canadian_watcher, thank you. Before my son was killed I never read any stories relating murders; I did not want the images in my head. If all that exists is my own conscience.. well, I didn't want to have to review those horrors after my passing. Regarding anger: the only time I felt angry and vengeful was when I learned some 20 hours after the fact than some guy might have killed my son, and it passed almost instantly as It was then I also learned the murderer had killed himself. Anger serves no useful purpose, at least in my experience and remaining angry at someone who's dead is pointless. Saddened, yes, greatly. Holding anger is confused with holding onto your lost child and letting go of it some must feel down-deep inside they are giving-up and letting go of their child. They think it gives them some comfort, but really, it eats away at their own humanity.
While his suicide leaves unanswered and unanswerable questions, it was also a gift. We've been spared the life-long anger experienced by other victims I associate with from the same event and from other incidents. Trials, long trials where defense counsel will need to re-victimize surviving victims and the families, parents, of the murdered children when defending the accused. And then at sentencing, and again every few years at parole hearings.
As long as there is an object to receive your directed anger, you will do just that, or most will, thinking they're doing all they can for their child or simply being vengeful towards the killer of their loved one.
As a matter of fact, this gave me a unique view not shared by most of the others victimized by homicide in our
Family & Friends of Homicide Victims support group. We worked for awhile with folks working on Parole Reform, meeting with felons who had murdered but were now free. A point of contention was the Victims' Impact Statement, which is to be read before sentencing in open court. This also helps the judge, (I believe) determine the impact upon survivors. But it is being misused.
When one is sentenced and jailed, they're given the equivalent of an individual educational plan. I cannot recall it's proper name, but it set goals each prisoner is expected to attain. If they satisfactorily reach those goal and demonstrate good behavior, which anyone must admit is difficult for many in such a place to reach, they have met the preconditions necessary to be eligible for parole.
However, that does not automatically guarantee parole will be granted them.
The current system now allows surviving victims to read and re-read their victim impact statements at each and every parole hearing, which is grossly unfair to the incarcerated as the VIS is only to be used to help determine sentencing.
The Parole Reformers wanted this practice to end and I alone among our group supported them. In a few cases from our group, the murderer, a domestic partner, committed suicide. Others, like those victimized by a psycho-sociopath who chopped up 13 women and buried body parts in his basement (with his family living in the house) who was sentenced to life w/o parole will always remain in prison, opposed ending this unfair practice. Hate and anger are awful things that fester. A dis-ease.
And people change while in prison. The 40 year old man after 20 years in prison is far different than the 18 year old who committed the murder they're imprisoned for and will change for the good or the bad and that is certain. No one benefits from keeping imprisoned such a person who has bettered himself while incarcerated. After all, that's supposed to be the point and the only basis for granting parole -- how they behave while in prison; not to re-judge what they were sentenced for.
Edited to add 'p' to body arts to read body parts. (After all, burying body arts in one's basement is not the strict domain of psycho-sociopaths.)
