There's a wealth of insightful advice in these 2 pages. Most of my own coping techniques have already been mentioned, but one wasn't, so I'll see if I can write a coherent paragraph or two. Over the past month or so, I've been immersed in a medical drama, caused, I believe, by the long-term effects of unethical human experimentation in my past. I've had to face the hard question of whether or not to be honest with medical personnel who've asked me over and over again whether I've had unusual radiation exposure. At first, I decided to be honest and simply told them why I believe I have, but their struggle to not react negatively to what I reported was painful to watch. It brought back all my own despair and conviction that I would *never* be believed if I told the truth. And that precipitated an existential crisis on top of the health one. So I feel your pain--really--though my angst was precipitated by life drama, not by losing my way via a slip into boredom/futility.
The ways I've coped with this have worked surprisingly well to restore meaning to my life. The first one I'm not sure is transferable to others, but I keep coming back to it as my touchstone in bad moments, so I'll share it: I had a stunning experience that simply flat-out negates the idea of life as being composed of only what we can touch. Seeing the ghost of a little African-American girl on a city bus a year and a half ago shattered a decade of agnosticism in a couple of minutes. It had been years since I'd had a major paranormal experience like that and I'd slipped into a despair similar to yours--Why are we here if this is all there is? What is the sense of all this pain? But suddenly I was faced with the fact (not belief, but first-hand experience) that Reality is much more than is commonly believed. The girl was clinging to her mother and watching her interact with an older brother, so love does not die at death. We are on a vast continuum and what we do here matters a lot. That was huge for me.
My second coping strategy has been touched on several times in this thread, but it's so effective that I want to reiterate: reconnecting with nature re-humanizes us. Much of the alienation I've struggled with in my life has vanished the second I stepped outside and got out of my own head. No matter how horrible my circumstances were, looking at sun or star light on leaves and flowers floods my brain with endorphins. And actually touching the earth seems to drain away depression even when I've been suicidal. A garden isn't necessary--a walk in a park works too, especially if you can walk on grass or dirt. Failing that, for emergency first aid in existential emergencies, subscribe to a Pinterest page or two of photos of a place in the world that fascinates you. For me it's France and New England--the sight of that natural beauty soothes my soul. If I weren't so old and infirm, I'd *love* to hop a ship to ports unknown, but there are other ways to feed that need for new natural vistas.
My hope is that something that's been mentioned in this thread has reignited your life force and engaged you again. And if not, then just know that there are lots of us out here who care that you're suffering--that alone might help you begin to regain your footing emotionally. For thinking people, I suspect these crises are common and may be the price of being more awake and aware than most. They sure hurt while they last, but I'm here to tell you that they're survivable and that you may even come through one a more deeply happy person.
LilyPat
