Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby coffin_dodger » Fri Nov 13, 2015 6:22 am

the Mayor of Santa Monica only makes about 15k a year. Really.


As far as the IRS is concerned, maybe. :wink
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby RocketMan » Fri Nov 13, 2015 7:03 am

coffin_dodger » Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:22 pm wrote:
the Mayor of Santa Monica only makes about 15k a year. Really.


As far as the IRS is concerned, maybe. :wink


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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:21 pm

Noah descendant claims God died in flood

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Jersusalem| Rabbi Noah Weizner Warbanker, 65th generation direct descendant of Noah, has been claiming for years that God has died in the flood. In his first book, he details the gruesome details of this most cataclysmic event that occured approximately 9,000 years ago, as confirmed by most mainstream scientists.

« The Flood killed everything! The dinosaurs! The giants! Everything! » claims the 94 year old blind man. « God thought he would just take a dip, but he forgot he didn’t know how to swim » he recalls from his fathers teachings. « He might have also just slipped on the side of the ‘pool’, banged his head and drowned in the water, who knows? ». « The only thing we know for sure is that Boom! Water falls from the sky in an instant and then Bang! God is dead! ».


http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/israel-noah-descendant-claims-god-died-in-flood/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:38 pm

Pregnant Woman Seeks Father of Child After Gang Bang with Football Team

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“I know it sounds weird, but even if I slept with more than a dozen of these guys, there’s only one that really touched my heart” she admits. “He had beautiful eyes, I can’t remember their color, but they were really mesmerizing, I immediately knew that he was my soul mate” she admits, still visibly emotional.

<snip>

“I could be mistaken, it might also not be a member of the team, perhaps the janitor or hot dog seller” she said with humor. “But no matter what, we are soul mates, destiny will unite us once again” she added, somewhat nostalgic.


http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/pregnant-football-cheerleader-asks-for-17-paternity-tests/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Sun Nov 15, 2015 8:12 pm

“I fell pregnant during an alien abduction” claims Michigan woman

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Detroit| A woman who had been trying for years, without success, to have a baby, says she finally fell pregnant after being inseminated by aliens during an abduction.

Loretta Wolfe was allegedly taken against her will by alien humanoids on July 27, while she was coming back from a party at one of her friend’s house.

The 36-year old KFC employee claims that she was taken aboard a tarnished circular looking vessel, where some strange creatures examined her reproductive system and conducted experiments on her.

“I was driving just a few miles outside of Detroit when the engine of my car suddenly died, claims Ms. Wolfe. “At the same time, an object with purple lights descended from the sky, straight at me. A bunch of humanoids in spacesuits emerged from the ship and took me on board. They subjected me to what seemed like a really creepy medical examination, involving a bunch of needles and syringes. It was the scariest experience in my life!”


According to Ms. Wolfe, her experience then took an even weirder turn, as she was given a series of bizarre tests, involving sensory hyperstimulation. These allegedly caused a lot of pain at first, but resulted in some kind of religious experiences.

“There was various blinding lights of different colors, and then some deafening noises”she says. “It was so intense that it was both painful and amazing, all at once. Then they came with a huge syringe containing some purple gooey substance, and injected it in my belly. It was so painful, that I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was lying on the ground next to my car, and four hours had gone by.”


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The Detroit police department searched the site where Ms. Wolfe claims she was abducted. They did find a significant amount of radiation and some unusually strong magnetic fields, but no other form of evidence of the presence of a UFO.

Ms. Wolfe, who had recently been told by her doctor that she was sterile, began to get some strange sensations a few weeks later and decided to take a pregnancy test. The test turned out positive, confirming her fears that she was carrying the child of an alien lifeform.

Despite her explanation and the evidence gathered by the police on the site of her abduction, her husband decided to leave her, convinced that her pregnancy was the result of an act of infidelity.

She insists, however, that she did not commit adultery, and that her pregnancy is the result of her abduction.

She will undergo an extensive set of medical tests next week, at the Detroit medical center, which might make it possible to determine the actual nature of her pregnancy.

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/i-fell-pregnant-during-an-alien-abduction-claims-michigan-woman/


Hey, she might be being truthful.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:45 pm

The blonde woman in the photo, Trisha Paytas, is not the woman discussed in the article. Don't ask me how I know that.



Iamwhomiam » Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:38 pm wrote:Pregnant Woman Seeks Father of Child After Gang Bang with Football Team

Image

“I know it sounds weird, but even if I slept with more than a dozen of these guys, there’s only one that really touched my heart” she admits. “He had beautiful eyes, I can’t remember their color, but they were really mesmerizing, I immediately knew that he was my soul mate” she admits, still visibly emotional.

<snip>

“I could be mistaken, it might also not be a member of the team, perhaps the janitor or hot dog seller” she said with humor. “But no matter what, we are soul mates, destiny will unite us once again” she added, somewhat nostalgic.


http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/pregnant-football-cheerleader-asks-for-17-paternity-tests/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby elfismiles » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:06 am

Okay, so ... NOT the Onion but ... been seeing more stories from this WNDreport site and ...

ABOUT
US


World News Daily Report is an American Jewish Zionist newspaper based in Tel Aviv and dedicated on covering biblical archeology news and other mysteries around the Globe.

Our News Team is composed of award winning christian, muslim and jewish journalists, retired Mossad agents and veterans of the Israeli Armed Forces.

We are based in Tel Aviv since 1988 where are published more then 200,000 copies of our Daily Report paper edition everyday.

Thank you for your interest in our newspaper and long live Israel!


Copyright 2015 © New World Order Media. All rights reserved

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/about-us/


SEEMS LEGIT :clown :tongout

Elvis » 16 Nov 2015 01:45 wrote:The blonde woman in the photo, Trisha Paytas, is not the woman discussed in the article. Don't ask me how I know that.

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/pregnant-football-cheerleader-asks-for-17-paternity-tests/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby elfismiles » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:13 am

'Pastafarian' gets to wear spaghetti colander on head in license photo
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The woman is a Pastafarian, which is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
AP
Monday, November 16, 2015 05:15AM
http://abc13.com/religion/woman-wears-c ... o/1086189/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:19 pm

Ok, ok. My bad. :oops:

I won't accuse anyone of posting Sorcha Faal articles for at least two weeks, ok?

I would let the woman know her image was used in this way and advise her to talk to a lawyer about seeking appropriate redress. If it's still possible, I'll delete that post.

My apologies. Thank you Elfi.

On edit: Sorry, Elvis, it's too late for me to delete that posting or to edit out the photograph. My avatar seems so very fitting at this moment!
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby norton ash » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:54 pm

Or the punch line: What does a blonde say after sex?

So who are you guys anyway?
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:57 pm

Why aren't there more women on this board?

Oh, sorry, I'm imposing the Leftist Politically Correct Newspeak Tyranny again.
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Re: Comments that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby coffin_dodger » Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:10 am

JackRiddler wrote:Why aren't there more women on this board?

Oh, sorry, I'm imposing the Leftist Politically Correct Newspeak Tyranny again.


What's it like up there as RI Royalty, Jack? Does the power feel good?
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby elfismiles » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:29 am

HA! No worries Iam ... I'd just been seeing increasing numbers of articles from that site and finally gave it a looksy to check.
But DO NOTE the origin of the other article about pregnancy-via-alien-abduction features a woman from another unrelated fake news cycle circa August ... and which immorally utilizes the picture of a woman who is a shooting survivor... seems likely that the worldnewsdailyreport site is just another racist-meme-rag masquerading as satire-site.

Fact Check Fake News
Chubby Checkered

More than one fake news site has spread a story about an obese mom of seven purportedly arrested for starving her kids.
Kim LaCapria Aug 19, 2015

FACT CHECK: Was an obese woman arrested for starving her seven children in order to feed herself?

Claim: An obese woman was arrested for starving her seven children in order to feed herself.

FALSE

Example: [Collected via Twitter, August 2015]

...

The photograph used by those sites to illustrate the "obese woman arrested" story was taken from a 2010 news report about a woman named Samantha Lynn Frazier who survived a shooting in an Atlantic City bar.


http://www.snopes.com/obese-woman-starving-7-kids/



Iamwhomiam » 17 Nov 2015 01:19 wrote:Ok, ok. My bad. :oops:

I won't accuse anyone of posting Sorcha Faal articles for at least two weeks, ok?

I would let the woman know her image was used in this way and advise her to talk to a lawyer about seeking appropriate redress. If it's still possible, I'll delete that post.

My apologies. Thank you Elfi.

On edit: Sorry, Elvis, it's too late for me to delete that posting or to edit out the photograph. My avatar seems so very fitting at this moment!
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Re: Comments that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:36 am

coffin_dodger » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:10 am wrote:
JackRiddler wrote:Why aren't there more women on this board?

Oh, sorry, I'm imposing the Leftist Politically Correct Newspeak Tyranny again.


What's it like up there as RI Royalty, Jack? Does the power feel good?


and what exactly is that on his shoulder?
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby brainpanhandler » Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:21 pm

JackRiddler » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:57 pm wrote:Why aren't there more women on this board?


How many women are there?

I don't really know. I'm guessing there are significantly less than would be proportional with the general populace. But perhaps a better question would be why do they speak so much less than the men? Or do they?

Perhaps I'll start a thread on the subject and we can get all royally PC about it.
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