If this thread and some of the events described have been difficult for some people to read, you should have been around when all of it was happening. Isn't that why we stay up late: because life is unfair and complicated, and we can't forget? Things explode and we think we'll put them back together by telling our stories, mostly to ourselves in the dark, but occasionally someone listens.
When I hear a story I'm all the characters, as well as the critics and judges. Maybe guruilla does not realize what a hero (at first I wrote 'friend') he has been in helping me tell this story in a coherent way that didn't spiral down into nothingness because being who he is and knowing what he knows he became a container for something that, for me, seemed uncontainable. However seeing it here still came as a shock, and I think I overreacted at times but I had to say something. This business of "pop stars" and how they substitute for deities especially to young people, is not simple to decode. Maybe I'm the only one who really benefited from this thread and maybe that's why I'm not bitter -- I feel lighter than I have in years. Now all this is your problem, too. Isn't that catharsis? I know guruilla doesn't believe in catharsis, but I've felt it therefore I do.
It's just so tempting to take sides in a drama as it plays but in the end it's up to the writer to make sure there is compassion even for the darker ones. Getting to that place takes time and effort and there's no point rushing to forgiveness before judgment has done its work. I'm grateful to guruilla (again) for pasting in the worst scene in the book - the scene like a hand choking me that stopped me from finishing or even going back and proofreading. The fact he chose to put it on here was devastating and at the same time I welcomed it. I was no longer alone with it and I recall back then, when I finally got it together to react, I suggested we needed to talk about violent pornography instead of letting it be the elephant in the room. This was before I'd read Seen Not Seen (I always get the title wrong).
I don't know why some people keep saying they feel disappointed or disillusioned now that they know certain songs are "tainted"? Tainted with what? The truth that this is not a kindergarten and when you find out what's really going on you might be tempted to hang up your guitar and take an overdose, rather than sing about what you know? But some people keep on singing for better or worse, whether or not they win your acclaim for trying.
I'm simply saying this thread has helped me move on. I can't make brekin happy or put Humpty back together again but I can breathe better knowing we're in this together. I'm back to Greek drama and all the awful, cruel and stomach - turning deeds that get done when the cauldron heats up and people are thrown into it. Certain plays started thousands of years ago are still finished or exist only in fragments. Would you prefer they'd never been written or performed?
So once again I'm just thanking you all. Can't help it. When I go over thar "salacious scene" in my mind I actually see it as redeeming. Do I need to explain why?
