FourthBase's Mea Culpa Thread

[FourthBase]

If an email exchange can be a poem, then I call this one...

REJECTED (Get that shit out of here!)

So I submitted a poem...

I wrote this as a haiku sonnet, so feel free to publish it as a whole entity or as however many individual haikus you may deem worthy. (Or not!) I would prefer the work to be signed by [me, Paul] which will shortly be my full legal name. (It’s a long story, lol.) Thank you for your consideration.

HAIKU SONNET

The color problem:
So few words to use as paint,
So many yellows!

Bees and butterflies,
Drunk on nectar, having sex
With a dark peach rose.

Burnt-orange wings pulsed
On red petals, one wing clipped,
As white sunlight froze.

These bees could kill me
But all they want is pollen,
Their legs thick with gold.

Fuzzy amber drones
Rise up and head home, where clones
Drink up, nose to nose.

And it gets rejected.

Dear Paul

Thank you very much for your submissions. We have read your submissions carefully, but are sorry to report that we are unable to accept them for publication.

Please check out a copy of our publication to get a better understanding of what we publish and are looking for. Details on our website.

Sincerely,

Paul

I was a little miffed.

Paul, I think you are mistaken. You are not book-ended by paper. You have unlimited bandwidth. You have no excuse for not expanding your scope a little. Those poems will not be the among the best poems I ever write, but I have perused your publication and I find it laughable to think that mine don't belong. Not modern enough? Not pure enough? Which is it? Not even 1 out of the 5 is worthy? Really? Are they all broken? Where? Please explain your thought process in a nutshell. I would like to explain to my poetry professor who thinks I'm a genius why he's wrong. Paulsplain it for me, lol, if you don't mind, from one Paul to another. I appreciate your attention, regardless. Thank you. - Paul

He was game, to his credit.

Dear Paul,

First off, the plural of haiku is haiku. Second, I have no idea what you are talking about regarding bandwidth. We are a print journal; and I would never let page count limit what I accept. Third, for a sequence (which is what you have here) to work all of the haiku have to work individually. I don’t have to go much further than the first poem for that condition to not be met. It is all abstraction and narrative. How unhaikulike. You seem to think that anything you cram into a 5-7-5 frame is a haiku. It’s not. Four: I’m happy to expand my scope—I do it all the time—but there are some boundaries to what is or isn’t a haiku. Lastly, since you are a genius, you’ll have no problem placing this elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Paul

I let the mask slip a bit.

Paul, bruh:

It's abstract for a PURPOSE! Jesus, lol. Do you not understand the point of it? It's rather profound. It sets the stage for the rest of them. Is that purist haiku law, that there can be no abstract elements? So, every single word in every single "legitimate" haiku is obligated to be non-abstract? Who said? I want to speak to a manager, lol. /karen

Do you write haikus? (I'm a descriptivist mostly, so I'll pluralize it however I want, thanks.) Do you have any published? What makes you an authority? Are you good? Are you okay? Are you great? Or are you a pedigreed receptacle for transmitted "expertise" by scholars who teach-not-do? I'm genuinely curious. If yours are better, I will concede and walk off ashamed.

Anyway, I didn't realize you were a print journal, thought it was online, sorry, nevermind. Thanks for us-splaining it.

Just as sincerely,

Paul

And then I go look up his own haikuzzz...

"an elusive butterfly
the warm wind
through meadow grass"

"mountain shadow
river water runs
through my fingers"

"unpacking the map—
a mountain spring
crosses the trail"

"milky way
the thud of acorns
when they fall"

"uphill trail
the scarred trunk
of a giant sequoia"

And I laugh so hard the mask falls to the floor.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…
(catching breath)
Ahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahah...
ahahahaaahahahahaaaaa…ahaha...

Oh my god, please do not tell me that you think these are better than mine. That would be so pitiful it’d almost be adorable. DO YOU REALIZE HOW BORING YOU ARE?

Clearly you are just a gatekeeper for a members-only club that doesn’t want its pretentious equilibrium of mediocrity disturbed. As you can see, I don’t take kindly to rejection from my supposed “superiors”, in fact, I rather quite like being exactly as contemptuous as you are contemptible.

[Harsh? Think of all the haikus this motherfucker rejects, making so many people sad, crushing dreams...all the while he himself sucks...lol, bastard.]

But I thank you anyway, because you have only served to inspire more poems in me, someone with real talent. Good for you, you’ll actually be responsible for a good poem now. For one of them, I will take these worthless (and I mean WORTHLESS, shit, goddamned, have some fucking FUN, Paul, for chrissakes) haikussssss and turn them into an actual great poem that meta-comments on you, the incestuous haiku scene, and the haiku form itself. No really, I mean it, thanks. And, conversely, for telling you the truth, because someone clearly hasn’t before: You’re welcome. Ciao!"

[FourthBase]

Made this meme:



Saw this meme:



Commented:

Yeah, but the left does all want the same thing pretty much. It's like 40 people with 40 different recipes for Soup Joumou. "You don't even know what you're talking about, I'm a Potatoist not a Turnipist, they're completely different recipes, read a book." It's not wrong (enough, anyway) to generalize about Joumouists, provided there's room for elaboration.

(Holy shit, I didn't even notice the Voodoo Pork thing. Was just the first recipe that came to mind. I'm a Potatoist for the record lol. Joumou the way an Irishman would make it.)

For real, I didn't even notice.

[FourthBase]

When you're one of the real Will Huntings.

Which one would I be? Not...

Good Will Counting, because I suck at math. Plenty of savants and sub-geniuses who grew up in Southie, though. Southie has had oodles of big brains. I suspect Damon & Affleck (&?) thought of it as a joke. "What's the least likely place for a genius to appear? Oh shit, what about Southie? Imagine that, one of those morons. Let's workshop that."

Good Will Stunting?
As in, I pull them?

Good Will Punting?
As in, 42 years punting back?

Wait, I know.

As I've been saying for the last, oh, 20-odd years: It's one thing to be a math genius, that you can prove. Objectively. If you're more of a humanities-type Will Hunting, though? Good luck!

Hey [a childhood BFF] how many eggheads would you guess are there from Southie? Either misfit nerds lurking in the shadows or normal hometown kids made good. My go-to is Howe obviously, but he doesn't really count for this purpose. I mean the immigrant runts. (Oh shit, Good Will Runting, lol.) I mean, maybe we could also count the Southie "aristocrats" who lived on Pill Hill, the Heights, M Street, along the beach, etc. The poors and everyone in the middle, though, mostly. Who counts? Let's tally up the big brains, sung or unsung.

Almost every Latin alum from Southie counts, probably, right? Wherever they work, however ordinary their lives, they/we still have big brains.

Stephen Lynch count? He's not the most grandiloquent Southie native (ahem...and yes, lol, I know) but if you get to be where he is, I'd say that counts.

Whitey count as a genius of sorts?

My uncle Nino was a spoiled genius from Southie. Harvard grad. Stormed Normandy. Devilishly witty.

My cousin Tommy is a prolific science fiction author, was a war college professor. Ranger. General material in a just world, retired as a lieutenant colonel.

My aunt Maggie was a radical education crusader, a liberation theologist, did her Master's on the home-schooling program she developed herself to teach most of her 12 kids.

(Do you think Matt Damon /teamamerica has the slightest clue what kind of people he was condescending to? As if he would be the one descending, lmfao. I think Good Will Hunting deserves its own "Do you know who you're talking to?" thread on Reddit. Seriously!)

How many unsung artistic talents did Southie have? Ever hear the 70's funk that Sherm's dad played?

The mouth of my soul still waters at the thought of telling Matt Damon that, ethically speaking, I got his number. (And then hand him a bag of fresh New England orchard apples, tell him I hope he likes them.) His numbers that I got, as far as his Top 3 Nauseating Hypocrisies:

1. Won't send his kids to public school. We have to understand, you see, his kids deserve better.

2. The company he "charitably" founded in Haiti only gives back a portion of its profits to the workers and, for some incomprehensible reason, does not think cooperative ownership is a good idea for poor Haitians.

3. He pimps Zinn in his authenticity-cannibalizing pet project, but helps usher in a flood of craven gentrification that destroys a working-class community.

Somebody, anybody, everybody, please share this status far and wide. I've been waiting to humiliate the fraudulent* fuckface for 23 years. Help me out.

*In a literal sense, he is a PROFESSIONAL fraud.

It's almost as if he's been foreshadowing his own demise ever since, trying to preempt it, to...of course...co-opt it. Motherfucker. The hippie princess from Cambridge need not worry, though. His comeuppance will be in the form of words only, not real violence of any sort. (Words aren't violence, in case any wokesters are confused.)

At some point, Damon will ask himself: "Who the fuck is this guy?" And, funny thing, I was actually there with my friend Janice at the premiere in Harvard Square of Chasing Amy. Kevin Smith talked after the show, pointed to some kid in the crowd who he said was about to be releasing something big, and it was Damon, right before Good Will Hunting. Little did he know, ahahahahaha. "Where the fuck did this asshole come from?", he might ask himself. Ahahahahaha!



[prays silently to God that our thirst for revenge is quenched]

Southie will rise again, culturally!
On top of a pile of Damon's worthless acclaim.

[humming, nodding, waiting]

[FourthBase]

"lmao what are you doing"

I don't really know, lol. Trying to start a cultural war, I guess. And win! (Win-win-win-win-win.)

[FourthBase]

https://www.pri.org/stories/2018-07-04/ ... lebrations

Perhaps it’s it time to give the "1812 Overture" a rest?

Of course, irony is no stranger to the American patriotic canon.

That's a potentially lethal load of irony, watch out. The irony of Judith ironically noting how there's this irony but actually missing a slew of other ironies which actually imply that her "irony" as actually not-ironic-at-all.

Progressives are such fucking clueless self-pwners. Gee, how on earth could we ever identify with a people uniting to resist a dictator? How dare we feel any camaraderie with Russian comrades! Why, who are we supposed to think is the menacing tide of mass coercion these days? Progressives? (Yes, you fools! You, too!) Is the hint of wanting-to-fucking-cancel-the-1812-Overture related to them not liking the fact that it was technically still the French Revolution being beaten back? They must hate that the Marseillaise is the theme of the Bad Guys. Tough titty, weenies! Your side is ultimately oppressive, too. You're not NOT imperialists, too. You are ALSO the baddies. Deal with it. Oh, and: Stars and stripes forever!

Furthermore: Panifex delenda est. [in-joke]

"Mighty Lord, preserve us from jeopardy.
Take Thee now our faith and loud crying in penitence.
Grant victory o'er our treacherous and cruel enemies
And to our land bring peace.
O mighty Lord hear our lowly prayer,
And by Thy shining holy light.
Grant us, O Lord, peace again.
O mighty Lord hear our prayer
and save our people
Forever, forever!"

"God save our noble Tsar!
Great be his glory!
Growing in power and majesty;

Tsar! May good fortune be
Showered upon thee;
God save thee still, Our Noble Tsar!"

We don't have a noble tsar anywhere in sight, unfortunately. So. Guess we'll ALL have to be the tsars!

[Iamwhomiam]

Sometimes when you see somebody walking down the street, talking to themselves, you let it pass - we've all done it. But sometimes, when their arguing with themselves, you might approach them and ask them, "Hey, buddy - you OK?"

4th Base, you OK?

Be here now. No sense dragging the past along with you while continuing your journey. Let it go - let it be.

[norton ash]

I second that concern. Picking fights with poetry editors is... unusual.

[FourthBase]

Sometimes when you see somebody walking down the street, talking to themselves, you let it pass - we've all done it. But sometimes, when their arguing with themselves, you might approach them and ask them, "Hey, buddy - you OK?"

4th Base, you OK?

Be here now. No sense dragging the past along with you while continuing your journey. Let it go - let it be.

Are you shitting me? I've never been saner, more functional (I have the proof, my current college transcript), or more relaxed. I'm loving this. And forgive me but I'm a bit of a hoarder, so I love dragging out the past, and reinterpreting it.

Also, it only seems like I'm talking to myself, because --forgive me -- most of you are too chickenshit to engage. Meanwhile, I know for sure there are RI members reading every word of this thread, I suspect others are, too (Hi Jack!), and there are untold numbers of lurkers, as well. I have no problem talking to myself (LEGOMAI EGO lol -- Jack will get that) because I'm a terrific conversationalist and a great listener. I highly recommend talking to yourself. ARGUE with yourself, actually. As if the fate of the world depends on it. It might!

[FourthBase]

I second that concern. Picking fights with poetry editors is... unusual.

Picking a fight? He rejected me, for absolute horseshit reasons, and he rejects all sorts of hopeful poets, even though he himself sucks. He brought the fight to me by stiffarming me. And I absolutely fucking demolished him. Fuck that guy.

[FourthBase]

This month could be fucking intense, lol.
Hopefully in the best way imaginable. All love.
Might become an RI subject, just for my brain alone.
And you all thought I was just some asshole, lmao.

You're right!



And I'm still right, too!

[SonicG]

tl:dr
but you go girl!

[FourthBase]

tl:dr
but you go girl!

Yeah, that might be my biggest fear right now.

Incuriosity.

Worse, self-satisfied incuriosity.

I wouldn't be so satisfied, though. If you're reading this thread and not captivated by something, that means there's something wrong with you, not me. Your brain isn't working. Temporarily disabled. Out of order.

You always so indifferent to interesting arguments, or just the ones that make you uncomfortable to digest? It's one thing to be insolent and flip textwalls the bird just because fuck you for making me read that. But I actually try to read every word of something first, and only then express an earned insolence.

[SonicG]

Interesting? Uncomfortable? wot?
Republishing your fights with a poetry editor on FB? And I am somehow a frightened little demagogue because I won't read them?

ffs x 100

[FourthBase]

Interesting? Uncomfortable? wot?
Republishing your fights with a poetry editor on FB? And I am somehow a frightened little demagogue because I won't read them?

ffs x 100

My glorious, hilarious fight with a poetry editor.
It was like a scene out of Good Will Hunting.
How are you not entertained by that?
I don't get it.

[FourthBase]

I did have second thoughts, and well...

Paul,

Look, no hard feelings.
You were game for it,
and I appreciate that.

I had to good-will-hunting you, though.
I couldn't resist. Hope you'll laugh later.

Sorry.

My advice for your haiku:
Make people SEE and THINK.
It's okay for a haiku to be thoughtful.
Loosen up, have more fun.

Thanks for playing, keep it up.

- Paul